When is your baby due? Oh...you're not pregnant?!

@AmbiePam (51593)
United States
March 20, 2007 8:32pm CST
All my life, I have been careful to never assume a woman was pregnant, even if she looked like it. We live in an age where often maternity clothes are almost the same look as junior high girls wear. The defining line of the shirt is no longer at the waist, but below the breasts. So having seen an embarrassing moment happen before when a relative asked a fellow chuch member they had not seen in 2 months, when the baby was due really made an impact. NEVER ASSUME! Yet, I did. The checker at Walmart had a pronounced tummy and was wearing what looked to be a maternity shirt. The rest of her body was thing and toned, and then there was the tummy. So I asked, "When is your baby due?" She looked at me blankly at said, "I'm not pregnant." I then proceeded to try to save my sorry behind. I commented on how the shirt fooled me because after all, she wasn't big or anything.... Have you ever done that? Or, heaven forbid, has it happened to you?
17 people like this
36 responses
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
21 Mar 07
That is so funny...embarassing but too funny!! I bet you ewanted to run away and forget what you were buying!! I have never said that to anyone but I worked at Wal-Mart when I was pregnant with my daughter and I got big (50 pounds big) and I would sometimes ask the customers to pick up their huge bags of dog foor or whatever that I couldn't possibly lift and they would ask me why I couldn't do it!! Like my belly wasn't poking out for the world to see why I can't lift a ton of dog food! I get embarassed when I say a baby looks like a boy and it is a girl or vice versa! I did that recently with a girl I use to work with, her daughter was wearing a red shirt and jeans and the hair was curly and everywhere (not cute like a little girls) so I said something about her "boy" and she looked at me like I was stupid for thinking it was a boy and not a girl. I just rubbed my head like I was having a long day and mummbled something that didn't even make sence to me =)
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Oh, I know! Used to be the boy wore blue, the girl wore pink, and if the child happen to wear yellow and you couldn't tell, the parent would be nice and put a bow in the baby's hair if it were a girl. My fear is that I offend some adoring parent by misjudging the gender of their baby!
3 people like this
@gleznov (391)
• United States
21 Mar 07
That happens to us a lot - we have an 18 month old boy, very cute, but pronouncedly male - short, curly hair, fat little boyish face... If I didn't know him, I would know in a second it was a boy... But everyone says "your little girl is so cute!"... LOL
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
I'm glad it doesn't hurt your feelings. Before I comment on the gender by referring to the child as as him/her, I ask pointed questions in an effort to know the child's gender without directly asking.
2 people like this
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
21 Mar 07
OH MY! I have never ask someone when they were due unless I knew that they were expecting because I was in line at the checkout once and a woman hugged another woman, they chit chatted about how long it had been and then one ask the other when she was due. The lady burst into tears. She said she was meds that made her gain the weight and she was not expecting. My heart just broke for this lady and I swore that I would never do that. To this day, i have not made that mistake
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
See, that is why I normally don't ask. I have a condition that makes gaining weight a cinch, but losing weight an ordeal.
@melody1011 (1664)
• India
21 Mar 07
well... i've never said that to anybody or had anyone say that to me thank God, however, i have seen people I know are not pregnant but yet look like they are 6 - 8 months pregnant. How in the world do they manage that??
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Some people may be just unlucky that their excess fat goes to their tummy. Others, diabetes and PCOS patients, have trouble with that because that is one of the symptoms, to have excess fat around their adbdomen and tummy. They were just born unlucky that way. I simply can't tell the difference anymore so I've become super careful. : )
• United States
21 Mar 07
I'm one of the unlucky ones that has all their fat go to the tummy area! :( Thankfully I've never been asked when I was due, but I'm real careful about the clothes I wear and the way I stand/walk. I also never assume if someone else is pregnant...that would just be too embarassing!
• United States
21 Mar 07
I was actually talking about this on another board. One time, I was in NYC, at Penn Station, trying to get an earlier train home. While I was waiting in line, the woman in front of me asked me a question. I couldn't hear her that well, and thought she just asked me what I was doing in line, so I answered "I'm trying to switch trains, blahblahblah..." and she said "no, when are you due?" and actually put her hand on my stomach. I was just shocked, and said "I'm not pregnant!" The woman was really embarrassed, but I was even more so. I knew I was overweight, but I didn't know I looked pregnant. That was the turning point, and I have since lost 30 pounds. But what I don't get is where people get the idea that it's ok to put their hands on a pregnant woman's stomach. If you wouldn't put your hands on their stomach if they weren't pregnant, why does being pregnant make it ok?
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Oh, I know! My mom told me she would get so ticked off when not only people she knew, but strangers, would put their hands on her stomach when she was pregnant. She could keep her temper though. My best friend got really riled when in her first pregnancy, a lady did that when she was in the grocery store. People did it to her in her second pregnancy and she told me whenever I was around an expecting mother, DO NOT touch their belly!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Mar 07
my friend is pregnant, and just starting to show. She told me how everyone at work is now putting their hands on her stomach. At least ask before you touch someone's stomach! And I just can't see how you would want to touch some stranger's stomach. I could understand if you knew them, if they were family, or friend, but some random stranger?
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Oh yes, this happened to me! I was in a doctors office for my daughters check up and I saw an old friend from high school. She looked very pregnant. Unfortunately I did not see the bab carrier next to her. She had already had the baby months before! I went to her and said "it is so good to see you! so, when are you due?" well, I think that about said it all. She just told me"I already had my baby, I am just fat now." I was appalled at my action! What could I do but apologize. The nurse bailed me out by calling my name. I never saw her again and am still embarressed to this day!
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Oh...that's a painful experience.
1 person likes this
• Austria
21 Mar 07
yeah I get it about monthly. After I had my kids the gut just never went away, and my back still arches like I'm pregnant. The first time I was pissed, but then it kept happening and now I just laugh it off. I say unless you see the woman standing in a big puddle of amniotic fluid, or you see a head crowning, just don't ask, you'll save yourself from a lot of embarrassment. Besides, pregnant woman get kinda tired of talking to every stranger about the due date and the gender, and oh have you picked a name yet. Oh and dear god, should you see a stranger who is pregnant in her 8-9th month do not touch her belly. EVER.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
You speak the truth and I hope anyone reading gets the message! I know I've learned my lesson.
1 person likes this
@thekiwi (588)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Been there done that, never want to return. I have swore to myself not to ask anyone when the baby is due until i know for a fact they are expecting, for example, if they are in the baby section talking about their baby's gender or the next doctor appointment.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Good idea. Even then, I'd ask to see a sonogram first. : )
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Mar 07
This has happened to me not once, not twice but three times in the last 6 months! I don't know what it is that makes them think I am preganat! I just tell them I am not pregnant and leave it at that. People make mistakes, I guess...
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
You sure are nice about it.
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
21 Mar 07
That has actually happened to me a couple of times. It had been a year since I had had my daughter, and I still had some pounds to lose and they were all in my tummy. The first time, I told the truth and said I wasn't pregnant. The lady apologized so many times (and was almost in tears) that I then lied and said that I had just had my baby (thankfully I could pull it off because my daughter was at home with her daddy). The second time, it was a little old lady that said it to me and, remembering the first time, I fibbed and told her I had a few months to go. I just couldn't bear to see her get upset. But it did bother me both times...I ended up crying when I got home.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Oh, man, I'm sorry! I think the more people are aware of what their words can do the better. No one seems to think carefully anymore before they speak. My parents were so diligent in teaching me to be polite, but sometimes like this time, I was so sure I was right and tried to make conversation with her. I should have just commented on how busy it was that day.
1 person likes this
@suraj5747 (207)
21 Mar 07
well thats really irritating so my next question will be ur gonna become grandma or grandpa be happy u stupid fella....
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Uh, what are you talking about?
3 people like this
• Canada
21 Mar 07
The only time I have been asked when are you due is when I was pregnant with my daughter thank god lol. The only time I have asked someone else is if I know they are pregnant! I would be sooooooo embarassed if I thought someone was and wasn't or if someone asked me.
2 people like this
@sweetdesign (5151)
• United States
21 Mar 07
I hear ya loud and clear!! I was just in Wal-mart yesterday and was thinking the same thing about the shirts how they make everyone look pregnant. I for sure wouldn't wear one.LOL
2 people like this
• Canada
21 Mar 07
Actually I was about 7 months pregnant when I had an incident in the grocery store. I was minding my own business pushing my cart along when a lady I'd never seen before came up beside me with her own cart, proceeded to drop to her knees right in front of me and started rubbing my stomach cooing about how much she loved pregnant womens tummies. I stood there in complete shock for a moment, absolutely speechless, and then before I even knew what I was doing I said "I'm not pregnant." The lady stood up looking absolutely horrified, and leaving her cart right where it was she hurried away and out the store. When I got home and told my partner (now ex) about it, he roared with laughter. He said it served her right for just assuming and having the nerve to drop to her knees and start touching a strangers pregnancy bulge lol. I felt terrible about it, but I've never seen her again. I'd recognize her in an instant.
• United States
21 Mar 07
no i have never done it or it has never happened to me. well it has but i was pregnant so its ok!
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
21 Mar 07
A friend of my husband and I have four children all are over 18 except one they have a 4 year old. The oldest boy has a girlfriend, that if you saw her you would swear she is 7 or 8 months pregnant and she isn't. Her belly don't match the rest of her body. She looks quite acquired now that I think about it.
• Canada
21 Mar 07
it's happened to me but i didn't take too much affence to it. it was after i had had my daughter and i saw an old friend who i haven't seen since i was pregnant. after i had my daughter i didn't lose all the weight so he thought i was pregnant again since i was thin before i had her. he just assumed i'd get my normal body back. he felt worst about it than i did. i know i gained weight and to me it's not a big deal so i wasn't embarassed.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Mar 07
I have never done it to someone else, but I've had it happen to me like 5 times. Mainly right after my daughter was born so I did have a lovely little pootch still there. I about cried every time. It got to the point I just went along with it. But you're right, never assume. It really hurts peoples feelings when you're incorrect.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Yeah, when in doubt, don't say anything!
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
23 Mar 07
I can see your point. Nearly 14 years ago I had an Emergency Ceaser. As it was done very quickly, the muscles were not put back correctly. Hence, I still looked at least 3 months pregnant. Until recently... I had a tummy tuck and look a whole lot better.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
23 Mar 07
When my mom had a hysterectomy they botched it and took almost all of the muscle in that area. She now has a pooch she cannot get rid of, no matter how much exercise. I think that aggravates her more than hot flashes!
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
21 Mar 07
I have had this said to me and I have said it to someone else. Geeze, it is the most embarrassed I think I have ever been. It's like there is nothing you can say to change the fact that you have just slung a back-handed insult! At least when the person said it to me, having done it to someone myself and knowing how mortified they were, I was able to assist them by swearing off Little Debbie cakes and shirts that looked like maternity tops!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
I know. No matter how cute the outfit, if it gives a hint of an impression that it looks maternity, I won't buy it.
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Right after I had my first child, he was about 1 month old , it happened to me. The sad thing is, I was pushing him in the stroller and I ran into someone I knew from school. We hadn't seen each other for a long time. The first thing out of her mouth was 'congratulations, when are you due.' I was mortified!!! After all, I was strolling a new born! I kinda laughed it off, but it has stuck with me!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51593)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Good grief! What did she think, that you were babysitting someone else's baby? That was just plain old stupid.