emptiness

Philippines
March 21, 2007 4:48am CST
How empty can you get? A boyfriend gave me a pair of African lovebirds on my last birthday. They're a cool, smart pair named Meredith and Mcdreamy. Their presence brought color in our lives. Their morning chirps were truly brightening! The cage was placed near the front door to make sure they're not missed out on every time someone goes in and out of the house. For awhile, they were happy to be part of my family. But early this year, the thought of my boyfriend leaving for the States and not knowing were our relationship is going left me feeling lost. I guess they felt it too, because then, they started having escape schemes (3x). The 2nd time they did, my boyfriend put on a wire on the cage gate to secure it. My boyfriend and I watched in shock as they try to escape the 3rd time. They have managed to cut off the wire and started pushing the gate upwards. Once out, the other pushes the gate up from the outside and wait for the other to get out. It was amazing! We were able to put them back on the cage but this time, my boyfriend put on a padlock for further security. My family moved to a new condominium last month. I placed the cage on my mini terrace hoping they'll appreciate the view. They seemed happy to see there's a bigger world other than what they're used too. My boyfriend is leaving soon. I'm having a difficult time accepting this sudden change in our lives. He's really great with my kids and they love him so. He's so much a father figure for them. The emptiness has started creeping in on me and my home. When I got home from work last night, my maid met me with the sad news that Mcdreamy got away! The pair was able to take the padlock off the cage. I cried in silence. It didn't help that my boyfriend promised to get me a new one for Meredith. As far as I know, Meredith lost Mcdreamy for a bigger world. Exactly the same way I'll lose him. I feel angry, sad, guilty and helpless. Angry in the fact that he couldn't choose to stay and be with me. Sad in knowing even love is not enough to keep us together. Guilty for being selfish.His life's been shaped even before we met and he's always been honest about his dreams. So, what am I whining about? I'm left with feeling helpless in knowing it's no good to question fate. This morning I woke up and checked on Meredith. She too was gone. The cage was but an empty nest.Just like my heart is gonna be..sometime soon.
1 response
@nengs10 (3183)
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
Oh, that sounds sad. Well,in my case, I have moments of emptiness everyday. When I'm in my room at our house after all the day's work in the office, what's left with me is myself and my malice. I have a bunch of friends but they're not there with me. I have very loving parents and relatives but they're far away. And most of all, I have a very understanding wife-to-be but she is in a far place too. What keeps me holding on are their words or encouragement and support that someday, somehow, we'll see each other again. All of them serve as my dear inspirations in moving forward through every step of life. I don't want to complain. I just think that life is not perfect, and these are the imperfections that I have. Faith binds us together, believing that raptures will come and they're at hand..