Do long distance relationships work?

Girlie, cinderella, shoes, fairytale - Cinderlla is proof
United States
March 21, 2007 11:04am CST
I have met a really great guy, and I care for him a great deal. However, he lives Illinois which is about six hours from where I live. I want to continue the long distance thing until I know for sure that I would have no regrets on moving away. I have always lived in the area I am in now, and all my family is here. Six hours is not that far, but it is far enough. I know he would never say anything if I wanted to come home for a weekend, and would support that actually. I just wondered if anyone else has been though this kind of a relationship and has any suggestions.
7 people like this
67 responses
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
21 Mar 07
i am very happy to report that i met my present husband on the internet and i lived in ohio he in vermont 14 hours away we talked for a few months and learned a lot about each other and sometimes spoke on the phone, after about 4 months we decided to meet half way and meet in person. well it worked out for us after another meeting i moved in and that was that lol . it dose take commitment to have a realtionship on line as you really dont have a face to face meeting everyday, but you can make it work. i have never been happier. it wasnt easy to move away from my children but they understood and we visited often, we have now moved to my hometown and we visit his children often. good luck and i hope it works out for you.
5 people like this
@suscan (1955)
• United States
21 Mar 07
What a great story.Very romantic.
• United States
23 Mar 07
What a great story indeed! He and I speak on the phone all throuhout the day every day. It is so nice. I always look at life, and say if it is meant to be it will work out. This is no different. Thanks for sharing your great story. Have a great day!
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 07
I understand how you feel, but if you are really in love with him it will all work out and you will know in your heart about what to do. Six hours isn't far, it would be easy to travel home on the weekends to visit your friends and family. I moved 3 hours from home several years ago to be with a man that I recently married. I knew no one here but since I have made friends and started a new life. I still go back home though caue I miss it still. But, yes, long-distance relationships will work, they just take more work, dedication, and love.
4 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 07
Thank you. I agree that if you want anything in life you have to work for it, and this is no different. Any realtionship really, if you start to let things slide...sooner or later it will be over.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 07
Sometimes it does, & sometimes, it does not. However, before moving, you two should really meet first in person. One couple that met online, I knew one of them, & we became fast friends. Then I met who is now the other half. Along the way, they had their ups & downs, but they did finally get married & are happy together. I also know of another instance where the couple is living together after meeting online. From my own experience, I had been introduced to a ldy online. We had planned to meet when coming near my area as a getaway, but she never called. Since then, she has been online, but she now has me blocked on the AIM ID that she knows about. All in all, sometimes it works, & other times, it does not.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 07
Yes i agree. I think that by taking the relationship slow it allows us to continue to get to know one another. In many ways I feel I know him better than sme guys I was in a relationship with. Thanks :)
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 07
I have had friends that have been through this type of thing and so far none of them has worked out. and two of them ended up moving long distances and then being either stuck there or needing to return to their previous home. Then again their was another couple that had a six hour distance and they are now happily married. My best advice is to meet and spend as much time together as you can and talk about everything that would have to change in both your lives. You will have to give up things and well as he and you will gain some things as will he. If you feel more positive about things than negative then you may have something going.....either way good luck to you.
• United States
23 Mar 07
Yes I have also seen relationships work out, and some not work out. It is good to keep an open mind and make sure there is lots of communications about expectations. Thanks! Have a good one.
2 people like this
@shisid (104)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Well I guess it depends on each person's perspective..if you are committed enough then you can make it work.You must really work hard at it though,because sometimes as they say"Out of sight is out of mind".All the best to you.Keep us posted.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 07
Yes out of sight out of mind..has crossed my mind. But I know that by us communicating as muh as we do helps a lot. He has a job that allows his to call me throughout the day, and we send text messages back and forth. It is nice o have the ability to communicate as much as we do. Thanks. :)
2 people like this
@Leonette (58)
• Philippines
21 Mar 07
generally, long distance relationship doesn't work. There might be few that worked and i envy them. Based on my experience, long distance relationship do not work. How can you show your love and affection to someone that is far from you? Will you be satisfied if you cannot hug and kiss the man you love?
• United States
23 Mar 07
I appreciate your time to respond. I guess my feeling is that if you have great mental attraction and connction to that person, it makes it a little easier to be away from them. I believe that we are able to show are affetion in others ways...by conversations, mail, gifts, etc. I am okay not being able to have the physical connection for now....Thanks
2 people like this
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
21 Mar 07
It can work but it takes work to make it work. lol. You both have to be totally committed to each other or you have to agree on what type of relationship you want. I know a guy who lives about 100 miles away from me. We date sometimes. Our relationship is just dating right now but if we wanted to commit more we would sit down and discuss it.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 07
I agree that sitting down to discuss going any further is a great idea. Thanks for responding. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
22 Mar 07
Long distance relationships can work, but they take more effort than normal relationships. Above all, you have to be REALLY open and up-front about expectations, feelings, and what you both hope and want the relationship to be. It also helps to set a time frame. As in "Let's agree to try this for six months, and then talk about how it is working." It seems a lot of long-distance relationships fall apart because the just "drift away into nothingness" because there are no firm plans made. There's nothing stopping you from revisiting the situation in six months or a year, or whatever you agree to) and just saying "This is OK, let's keep going like this for another year." The degree of success also hinges somewhat on how much of a "physical person" you are. What I mean by that is that some people feel "most loved" when they are TOLD they are loved, while others feel "most loved" when they are being hugged or kissed. If love is more of a "mental" thing than a "physical" thing, then long-distance is a little easier to work. When I lived in Texas I had a year-long relationship with a woman in Virginia... and it worked pretty well, all things considered, but we paid a LOT of attention to making sure the other stayed "present" in our lives. The ending did not have anything to do with the distance. Oh, and make sure you have a really good long-distance calling plan!
• United States
22 Mar 07
Thank you! I agree with the mental part of a relationship. That is one thing I can say that we have over many couples that I know. When we e mail or IM or talk on the phone...we are forced to communicate. NOt that we mind. BUt we learn more about one another everyday and try to do normal things too, like discuss the news, horoscopes, etc. Thanks for taking the time to share.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 07
You know relationships like this can work if the both of you really want it. The only thing is most of them fail b/c your relationship has been based on talking on the telephone and so many people make the decision to move in with one another. You dont know much about this persons living habits and their true personality when your living with them they can seem like a totally different person. Play it safe if you guys decide to take it to the next step maybe you could rent an apartment so you can really get to know him better and if all goes well then move in with him. Good luck with your relationship I hope it works out for the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 07
it CAN work, it all depends on the people, where you both are in life, etc. My husband is from England (that is a lot of miles away from NJ, where I used to live) and we carried out a very long distance relationship for a few years. Then we decided to take the leap. We couldn't be sure if it would work, but we were willing to take the chance. He packed his stuff and hopped on a plane and hasn't been back to England since. We will be married 6 years this Sunday, actually! It hasn't been a fairy tale, that's for sure, but it's certainly working for us! And I wound up leaving my friends in NJ anyway, as we moved to Florida! Good luck in whatever you decide...I know it is difficult!!!
1 person likes this
@tikki1 (1)
22 Mar 07
I think that long distance relationships do work.I once was in a long distance relationships before,and my only problem was me.The guy that i was dating was my everything and i was the one that mess things up.We broke up for a long while and look now we are back together once again.
1 person likes this
@Kayleena (80)
• Canada
21 Mar 07
I haven't lived it, but a close friend of mine did. I think it can work, as long as both of you really want it to. If you trust him and he trusts you, and if you communicate a lot, either by phone or by internet, I think you have a chance. One thing though... You say that you would move to Illinois. I know it would be nice, since you two would finally get reunited, but make sure that you will never have regrets about it. It can be very hard to leave a place where you always lived, and where all your family still lives. It's a big step to take, so bee sure about it before you take it. If you are positive about it, then go ahead and be happy. Whatever your decision, I wish you the best. Good luck! :)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I agree with all you said. You have some good advice and insight. I live my life in a way that I try to never ergret choices I make, especially if I was able to learn something from them. Thanks so much.
1 person likes this
@xfahctor (14118)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
22 Mar 07
*xfahctor leans back in his chair, scratches his chin and begins typing** I have been in a relationship for well over a year with a lady who not only lives far awa but in a foriegn country. I travel from northern new hampshire to ontario every other week or so. sometimes every week. At times she makes the trip down here. Its a 5 1/2 hour drive. We have a great relationship and though like most couples weve had our problems, we have a great thing going. I guess the key is to always keep it fresh...dont let it stagnate, dont fall into that comfy spot and not take it further. Have a goal in mind. My girlfriend eventual wants to move down here so we are now starting to take steps to make this happen. I think the distance keeps the longing for each other alive, its a bittersweet thing i guess. But i know in my heart that we will move forward and achieve our goals and that faith is of monumental importance to the success of the relationship. I hope this helps you some and i wish you both much happiness.
@xfahctor (14118)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
22 Mar 07
hmmm. i guess i need to leave the enter key alone eh?
• Namibia
22 Mar 07
Yes long distance relationship does work. Me and my husband was having long distance relationship untill we got married. It give us both space and time to build on this relation and trust and honesty is the most impotant issue in relationship. don't give up
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 07
Thanks for the encouragement, and I am glad to hear it worked for you.
1 person likes this
@maggle (2)
• China
22 Mar 07
I have the same experience as you.I live in one city,and my girlfriend lives in another city.It is every two days that we can meet each other.I fell it well because we have some own time deal with our own things.Today we enjoy every day and I hope you have a nice day.Best wishes.
1 person likes this
@maggle (2)
• China
22 Mar 07
I have the same experience as you.I live in one city,but my girlfriend lives in another city.We can meet each other every two weeks.I feel well because we have some own time deal with our own things.Today I enjoy every day,and I wish you have a nice day.
@Perry2007 (2229)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
Itis written that a man leaves his father and mother to unite with his spouse, If your love for the guy is such that you leave your home and family, so be it. Follow your heart and the distance between you and your family will be taken cared of later. You will have to raise a family of your own so being with your spouse is better than being with your family and away from your spouse. Have a great time, enjoy life and myLot is always here for you to release your emotions and such... God Bless
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
My husband and I were apart for more than a year two years prior to our wedding. Now were apart again because he's working abroad to save for our future. I'm a living proof that it does. All it takes is a good foundation, continuous nurturing and genuine love. Good luck!
@merlblue (275)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Mar 07
it really depend on both of you, it will work if you will just give each other time and continuous communication.
@isaeed (3)
• Pakistan
22 Mar 07
Yeah, I think it works but it needs lot of time and effort... I had been in this kind of relation... though its tuff but you can still enjoy it...
1 person likes this