letting infants cry themselves to sleep

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Both my children are grown (in their 20s)but when they were small, I was a firm believer in the "Showering children with Love" philosophy. They were both fed on demand, and I always picked them up when they cried. I was a working mom, so I treasured the short maternity leave I got to spend with them cuddling them, talking to them, and just enjoying their company. When I got home from work and picked them up from the sitter, both me and the kids loved going home and we would all eat, get acquainted (they always told me everything with their day--and I mean everything! but that's for another post)and cuddle with stories and fall asleep together. We were all in one bed until my son was about three or four and wanted his own bed. He would still creep in when it was stormy and he was scared, but he was (still is) a very independent-minded kid and on the whole, he didn't turn out too bad. The girl was so tiny she used to sleep on my tummy until she too declared her independence. I think I suffered more from the separation anxiety than my kids! I talked to them like adults, explained to them in a calm and rational manner why they couldn't have something (and that was a LOT of things!)and they always understood. Lucky me, I have not experienced tantrums from either of them and I think both have grown up to be responsible, mature, even tempered adults. And in all their growing up times, I have never hit them. Scratch that: I had to give my boy one swipe with a leather belt on the bum for punching his sister in the stomach when he was five and she was one (intense sibling jealousy)and I had to give her one spank when she was twelve for kicking a bedroom door and putting a hole in it. Her brother was teasing her to no end and she got really mad. He fled to the guest room, her hot on his heels. He barricaded himself in and in frustration she kicked the door and put a hole in it (she's a soccer player so she has a VERY strong kick!). Anyway, I belted her one (only one) and sat her down to explain why I did that. I am happy to say that those two times were the only occasions I had to resort to drastic measures. I do think that picking up a baby when they cry gives the infant a sense of security, such that they feel that somebody will always be there for them when they need it. A friend told me that it could be spoiling them, but I told him that they are too tiny to make value judgments: they just like being cuddled and the feeling that they are loved. I guess this is just my point of view, and my reason why my children have a very strong core and sense of self. Thank God I have not had any problems with them in terms of any addiction or going with bad company. I think if children feel that parents (or even only one parent) really and truly love them and value them, they will be impervious to peer pressure (or at least the bad stuff). When I look at my children now and see what fine people they have turned out to become, I really do think that it had to do with how I treated them when they were little and dependent on me. Now that they are big and I am dependent on them, they treat me the same way I treated them--with lots and lots of love.