Help! What would you do?

@jojopuff (520)
United States
March 22, 2007 5:21pm CST
I have a friend who has been known to steal and shoplift in the past. I don't think she has overcome this addiction of hers (and I have good reasons to back that claim up that I won't go into here). She wants to come up and visit my husband and I at the end of this month, and I was planning on taking her to the mall. (I didn't want her at the house because we have a lot of valuables around.) Now, if she shoplifts while I am with her at the mall and I have no knowledge of it, do I get in trouble as well? Would I be better off to forget the mall and take her to our house instead, making sure all valuables are locked away? What would you do in this situation? Thanks!
2 people like this
28 responses
• United States
22 Mar 07
No, the taking her to the mall is definitely not a good idea. If you have any reason to think she'll steal more stuff. Yes, it could potentially get you into trouble just for you being there with her when it happened, even if you didn't have a clue. I'd suggest if you even let her come down you lock away everything that's of great value to you and your husband then let she stay with you guys. Make sure the valuables are very secure. If you are still worried then I wouldn't even let her come down at all. I hope this was helpful.
1 person likes this
@jojopuff (520)
• United States
22 Mar 07
Thanks for your response! That was what I was leaning toward. I don't want to risk getting into trouble with the law for something I didn't do. I would rather make sure all of our valuables are put away so that she doesn't feel the need to take anything at our house. I really do want to see her because I haven't even visited with her since the beginning of the year, and she's been one of my best friends since fifth grade. I feel bad for her, that she thinks she has to steal when she doesn't. She knows it's not right, and I wish there was some way I could make her stop!
• Egypt
23 Mar 07
Am with ya on that... I agree about ur words
• United States
22 Mar 07
This is a dangerous but common problem with many. Surprisingly the studies say that, most of these people do that not because they can not afford but its a bad habit built in their blood. You need to take her to a counselor. It might take a couple of visits but most of the time yields +ve results.
1 person likes this
@jojopuff (520)
• United States
22 Mar 07
Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I have confronted her in the past about it but she denies it every time, and gets angry with me for accusing her. I know she does it however because things of mine have disappeared and it's only after she has been around. I have also heard from other sources that she has stolen from them and from stores as well. She just won't own up to it, and the fact that she gets angry with me for even asking her if she did it makes it even more likely that she's guilty, but it also compounds the problem. I think counseling would be a great idea, if she would just admit that she has a problem.
• United States
23 Mar 07
catch her on the act atleast once and then tell her how embarrassing and dangerous it would be getting caught in a store and then convince her to try a counseling. You can use one of those mini cameras in your room for this pupose.
@decimus785 (1419)
• Aruba
22 Mar 07
If she really is your friend,i dont think she's gonna steal when she's with you at the mall nor will she steal your valuable stuffs when she's at your home. i would take her to the mall or my own house. Before taking her to the mall ,tell her not to let you down at the mall.Make sure she's not going to steal in the mall while being with you. She's your friend,she should understand. If she does steal,maybe you can get in trouble,they may think your her accomplice.
1 person likes this
@jojopuff (520)
• United States
22 Mar 07
See, the thing is she has taken things from me before. She denied it every time, but I knew it was her. She's also stolen from other friends as well. The thing is, I'm such a forgiving person that I still want to be her friend even though she has done these things to me. I don't think I want to risk going to the mall, since I could get in trouble as well if she shoplifts. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it!
@NatureBoy (493)
• Singapore
23 Mar 07
I would take her to the mall. Maybe you can change her. Ha Ha. When shopping keep track of her, when she does her magic hand trick, take note of it. When its time to leave the shop, ask her "Can I buy whatever you are keeping in your bag, as a present for you." It might be money will spent, if she starts appreciating and learning that people around her care for her and are willing to give her a chance.
1 person likes this
@jojopuff (520)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Wow! That is a very good suggestion. Thank you so much!
• Georgia
23 Mar 07
Oh boy! I have been through a similar situation, I have had a friend like yours. If you guys happen to go the mall, and she steals something even though you have no idea, if you are with her when she gets caught, you will gt in trouble as well. My advice s to go to a park, or take her to your house. Lock all valuables away. Sad that you can not trust your friend, but it's safer for you.
@myklaire (437)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
Tell her frankly what you think about her. You're not being honest to her, too, if you think bad about her and not telling it to her. If she's a true friend, she will listen to you. She won't do anything bad if you're with her since she' denying about her stealing.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Mar 07
I think this is one thing that she does not do with any intention.It is just something that crops up in her mind and she just does that without knowing the consequences.At times,That might lead you to be in trouble also as you are with her. So i think it is not a good idea to take her to the mall rather make her to stay at home and get all the valuables locked inside.I think you should take her to the doctor as soon as possible so that she does not do such offence again and again.This might ruin her.Well i would have taken her to the doctor straight away when i would have known her problem.psychologist may have great improvement in her habits.
1 person likes this
@wlzqqsh (217)
• China
23 Mar 07
If you think about it can really watch over her at home compared to going to the mall.
1 person likes this
@LiminaL (164)
• Italy
23 Mar 07
If you think she might even steal form your home, well I would let her in there, but for a short time, and paying attention to what she does. About going out, I would directly talk to her and say that if she has to steal something, please, not to do it with you beside her. Since you are friend, and it is a fact that she steals...well, she should take the thing easily and understand your request. Anyway, as far as I know, if you are catch with a person stealing in some shop, but you are not, nothing should happen to you, they might just ask you to show your pokets and nothing else.
1 person likes this
• Bulgaria
23 Mar 07
I fyou go with her in the mall, you risk to get into trouble too. Better tak her to her house, but yes do be sure you have hidden everything precious, so that you don't worry about them. And don't mension anything about them, otherwise she'll try to search for them and you don't want that.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I hate to ask this question, but why are you still friends with her? If she doesn't have the respect for you or your husband to steal things from your home, this is not a true friend. Problems or not. Since you are in this situation, I would say that taking her to any shopping center is a bad bad bad idea. Legally, I am sure that you wouldn't be able to be prosecuted unless she put something in your bag or she said you were in on it. Just being present doesn't make you an accessory unless you participated. But proving this is difficult. So, avoid the situation at all costs. If you want my advice, get rid of her. I have had life long friendships that I have had to cut off because they stole from my house. If they can't respect my family they don't need to be in my life. Something to think about.
1 person likes this
@mquidem (42)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
well if i were you i'd rather have him in my house and just secure your valuables at least you know that there some place in the house that he cannot enter unlike in the mall, your friend could easily shoplift anytime and when he gets caught it'll also be too embarassing on your part. Just watch out for stuff and goodluck.
1 person likes this
@troy611 (52)
• India
23 Mar 07
I think u should talk to her about this problem, and if she is your real friend, then she will accept your advice. Also, she won't steal from your house, if u are her friend. Don't lock up your valuables, as it will create a negative impression and enrage her all the more.
1 person likes this
@rjdreyes (157)
• Japan
23 Mar 07
i think you friend suffering from a dangerous sickness, a mental sickness. It's in psychology, and it is called as kleptomaniac. It is state when a person has an urge to steal in absence of an economic motive. More over it is a dangerous sickness, you must counsult your friend to a nearest or to any psychiatrist. Don't bring her to a mall, she may tries to steal in your absence. I think the best way is to let her come in your house and also keep on eye on her, she may try to steal some valuable things on your house, even she is your friend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
I believe if you take her to the mall and she shoplifts they'll think you're both doing it and they might say you're her lookout. If you bring her to your house just make sure that all your valuables are locked in a safe place..but best bet is bring her to your house instead and make sure you got your eyes on her.
1 person likes this
@manmaxman (850)
• India
23 Mar 07
this is some what a big problem
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
23 Mar 07
No, I don't think it would be you who got into trouble if she shoplifted at the mall. So, maybe that's not a good place to go. As far as taking her to your home I definately wouldn't do that. Could you take her and go out to eat or go to the movies or something like that? It's a tough spot to be in for you. A lot of times people who do this tend to have an addiction to it and that's a problem they need to deal with by seeking some sort of professional help. Do you think you could talk to her about it? If you can and you're close enough to feel comfortable with this, sit her down and tell her your concerns. Tell her that you care about her and would like to go shopping or have her stay by you but you're afraid her shoplifting would affect you if you were with her. Let her know that you don't want o seeher get into any kind of trouble and that you'd support her if she chose to get help. It's not the most fun thing in the world to talk to a friend about obviously, but maybe she'll listen to what you have to say. Maybe then she'll realize how this affects certain parts of your friendship and how much better your friendship would and could be if she would get help and get this problem under control. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• China
23 Mar 07
it is a addictive action that some people like the steel maybe. some rich people also like steel.i think need to get the sick by psychology
1 person likes this
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I have dealt with this personally and I lock everything valuable away just to protect myself. Sometimes they only steal from people they dont know, but I am not willing to take that chance at all.
1 person likes this
@Zaphenath (102)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
If you think about it you can really watch over her at home compared to going to the mall.
1 person likes this