Accepting Defeat

Sri Lanka
March 22, 2007 10:46pm CST
I have a problem with my 5 year old son. He cannot accept defeat. This problem has been there for sometime. Earlier it was apparent slightly but now it has aggrevated. He cannot play with his peers, he puts up a fight when he fails or does not complete a task first. I know this will be a real problem when he starts public School. I am helpless in this reagrd. I do not compare with him with the others, and I dont tell him that he has to out run others. I have also tried telling him that its OK to come second or lose in some games, but I have failed. Now I am bit affraid to take him to parties gatherings etc, thinking that he might enter into fights with the other kids. Have anyone of you experienced this type of problem in Children. if so what is the action that you took. Do I have to treat him Clinically, Can someone help?
2 responses
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
24 Mar 07
Hi, my son is the same age as yours and we are also going through the same thing - don't want to lose. For me, i just kept asking him questions. I think my son is still immature (he's a june baby) in dealing with such situations. He has to understand that his friends also has feelings and by putting up a fight, he will hurt them and thus, no more friends to play with. Questions i will ask him, 1. Do you like your friends? 2. Do you like to have friends? 3. Do want to play with your friends? 4. Do you want your friends to play with you? 5. Do you like it if your friends do not ask you to play with them? 6. If i hit you ( i sometimes slap his palm to put my point across), does that hurt? 7. Do you like it when i hit you? 8. Your friends feel the same way. Because they feel hurt by your actions, They will not want to play with you. 9. Do you think you can control your anger? These are just some leading or probing questions i use on my 5 year old. Allows both of us understand the other's perspective. I think clinical treatments should be way down the list better if not in the list at all. We must try to help them see another perspective. Only then can they understand why such behaviour is not accepted and thus not just follow instructions blindly. Hope this helps. Do keep me updated about the outcome if you've tried asking your 5 year old. All the best and God Bless! - Lyn
• Sri Lanka
26 Mar 07
Thanks Camar for your advice I shall try it on my little one. Hope it works for me too.
@Darkwing (21588)
23 Mar 07
I think he's going to have to learn the hard way... at school. Other children won't tolerate his behaviour and he'll find that he's being left out of things because of his attitude and he will soon discover how to react to losing. I don't think there's much else you can do yourself. It seems to be in-ground and if you have told him it's ok to come second, or lose, I don't see there's any other way. He will learn as a lesson of life from other children. He might get himself into one or two scraps or arguments, but they'll only be minimal and they won't do him any harm in the long run. He'll discover that his behaviour isn't acceptable in a group. I wouldn't worry too much about him. Children learn from us, but they learn a whole lot more from other kids, believe me. Good luck with this, and Brightest Blessings.
• Hong Kong
23 Mar 07
i think's you can try to play together with him using a game consol, such a ps or computer. say to him, "try as best as u can too win. if u win i'll buy you (something he like's), but if u lose n u can accept that, i'll also buy u (something that he likes)" maybe it's gonna work