Uncle wants to spoil her!!

@SilPhil (267)
Australia
March 24, 2007 1:11am CST
My brother absolutely adores my daughter. It's funny, he'd always been the 'tough guy'. But around her, he's putty!! He's been working away in the mines, making a lot of money. So he phoned me and said when he was back home he wanted to take my daughter shopping and buy her a swing set. Hubby and I had planned on buying her one for Christmas this year. She's still a bit young for it, but I figure it would be a worthwhile investment. Hubby was quite upset about my brothers offer. So I turned him down, saying that we couldn't accept it. I understand hubby's point of view, he wants to be up late at Christmas putting it together and I totally respect that. Anyway, my brother took my daughter and I shopping and spent about $300 on new toys for her. I felt flattered that he wanted to do it. It's his money, he can spend it however he likes. If he wants to spoil my daughter, he's welcome to, but I don't want him to think he has to. Hubby is still a bit upset. My brother earns almost double what my husband does, and has no committments with family, a house or anything like that. So with all his money he wants to spoil her. I don't think thats a problem. Hubby doesn't see it that way, he thinks my brother is trying to undermine him in the family. That is NOT my brothers intention!! Do you think its wrong for me to let him spend all this money on her? Before we were married and had our daughter, my hubby would really spoil his God-daughter. To me, its just the same. Or am I missing something?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@Razzles (481)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Your brother is an uncle that everyone dreams of. Please don't shatter this for him. As for your husband, he is jealous of your brother. He wants to do everything for his daughter and be the one his daughter looks up to and he is afraid your brother is going to have that role. No one can ever take your husbands place in his daughter's eyes. I think he is also very insecure. This is a tough situation as you are caught in the middle. If your brother wants to do things for his niece, let him- just talk to your husband - hopefully- he won't let his ego get in the way.
@tiff1496 (570)
• United States
25 Mar 07
First let me say, your little one is SO cute!! My advice... feel lucky! My husband and I make good money, and out son has everything he needs, but my brother in law makes a LOT more than us. And has never offered to buy our son anything (after his birth). I can see your husbands point of view, he feels like the "man of the house" and doesn't like the help. If it was my husband, I would tell him to get over it! ;) Good luck!
@EvanHunter (4028)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Funny we were just talking in real life about this subject this morning, someone we know spoils his cousins son and daughter alot and his girlfriend is jealous about him spoiling his cousins kids. Infact she has gotten pretty jealous about it and accused him of it really being his son. The kids call him unle because he has been like a uncle to them growing up. I said that I used to do the same thing to my brothers first born even thou there were alot of other neices and nephews I used to take him out for ice cream buy him toys and stuff. We all tend to bond with our pick favorites and lavish them with more attention than the others. I think your husband might be suffer from a bit of self esteem problem and maybe he wishes he could provide a better life for you guys. It never hurts to let him know you think he is doing fine job and not to be worried about what others have after all he has you and your daughter.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
24 Mar 07
There is nothing wrong with Uncle spoiling her! You were right to turn down the offer for a swing set, I think that would have really made hubby feel much more lacking in the finance department. Maybe your brother can sit down and talk to him about this touchy subject man to man. That he is not trying to undermine him as a dad, but loves his niece and wants to be able to pitch in, not as a rival for her affections but as a friend to your hubby and as an uncle. Maybe if they got close on that subject, your hubby wouldn't be so irritated about it? I don't know, it's worth a shot.
@fatragu (349)
• United States
24 Mar 07
My sister is the same way. She doesn't buy them toys she buys them clothes. My main problem with her is that she won't buy the right sizes because she likes the cutsy little clothes. She just got my 2yr old a 3T dress with cute bloomers because it is "cute". My 2yr old wears a 4-5T. I have tall kids. She ends up getting them clothes that only last for maybe a couple months at best. The worst part is that she buys them at Gymboree and we don't have one close so I can exchange them. It just agravates me.
• United States
24 Mar 07
Let him spoil her!!! I remember when I was an Aunt for the first time and I bought everything I could. (I knew that my brother had alot of other expenses that I did not have and It was so much fun for me) I can see your husbands side of it he feels bad that he can not afford all of the stuff your brother can (and I think it was good that you said no to the swingset because dad did want to be the one to buy that)but tell your husband that your brother is not doing it to make him feel bad he is just doing it because he is so in LOVE with your daughter and he wants to spoil her a little. I would make sure that anything that is considered "special" to your husband that you and he buy that. (tricycle,first bike,etc.) At least this way the extra money that you guys have not buying toys you can use for something else (maybe dinner for you guys..LOL) I would just be happy that you have family memebers that want to do things for your daughter. You will always have the knowledge that she she is loved and the love of an unlce is something your daughter will always cherish!!!
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
24 Mar 07
It sounds like an underlying insecurity on your hubby's part. He problably feels like his daughter won't respect him as much, or love him as much because he can't overindulge her like her uncle can. It may help your hubby if you set up some special "dates" or something where the two of them can do special things together, that way, the hubby feels like he is doing something special for her. My sister spoiled my son when he was younger, In fact, for his first Christmas, she spent more money on him then we did, it didn't bother us, because we knew she had the money to do it, she wasn't married and didn't have any children. She's having her first in June, and Hubby and I have been looking forward to returning the favor. I can't wait until that baby is born, so I can spoil him... (: Good luck!
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
24 Mar 07
Let her uncle spoil her! Thats what they are for-- When my brother had children and I didn't- I was constantly buying things for them- They lived in another state- and I would fly or drive there and take them shopping- on vacations- etc. It was great! I had the money to spend-- Now that I have a child- I don't do this as much- I spoil mine-- So I'm sure your brother will calm down once he has a family of his own-- but let him spoil her-- Its great for a family to be close- Your hubby will get over it!
@syain1972 (1011)
• Singapore
24 Mar 07
My sister spoils my children rotten. My husband and I don't mind it cos afterall she is my children's aunt. To us, family ties are very important. We are very close and the children are close to her too. She's a flight stewardess and she doesn't see them very often. Thus, she would buy lots of stuffs for the kids. We would always remind the children that the ties with their aunt cannot be broken with or without the gifts.
@neon2000 (2761)
• Philippines
24 Mar 07
Don't worry. It's nothing but normal. The problem is your husband but I understand his feelings. He just want someone to tell him that it is nothing. There is nothing wrong with your brother's loving your daughter too because your daughter is your brother's niece.