Is marriage that important??

@akinad (448)
Philippines
March 24, 2007 3:13am CST
I have been with this guy for almost five years now.Unexpectedly,unplanned i got pregnant and because of that my parents insisted us on getting married..At first thought that would be the most appropriate thing to do but then again,I realized i'm not really ready for a lifelong commitment such as MARRIAGE!! Not ready emotionally,financially and in all aspects of life.. But what is marriage by the way??IIs it really that important?Would it make any difference on our present and continuing relationship??My partner quoted "it's just papers you know"..and i agree to that but i think our parents will still insist for morality purposes you know.. So what do you think is the right thing to do?Drag ourselves into marriage knowing we're not yet ready?or go for it just so our parents find peace and morality issues would be answered??
5 people like this
28 responses
• United States
24 Mar 07
Marriage is a very important thing to me, because I feel I have met that person, and I feel like we need to move on and I want to have that commitment. I dont think you should get married just because your pregnant. I think you should get married when you feel its the best time for you. You really should make sure your married, and thats what you really want, ya know? I hope I helped =]
3 people like this
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
You said it yourself: You're not ready. The golden rule is, if you're not sure, don't do anything. Marriage is such a big step, such a huge commitment. Pregnancy alone should not be the reason for getting married.
• United States
25 Mar 07
If you are not ready to marry, don't get married.The most important thing is that you and your partner love and respect each other. If you marry just to please your parents, I fear you will begin to resent each other.You have each other, and you plan to be together and raise your child. What else do your parents want. You are happy with your partner and you both want the baby, right? That's all you need.As long as you both are in the child's life, it will be fine.Be Happy. I hope you have a healthy, happy baby.
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
24 Mar 07
I understand how your parents feel. However...you have to do what feels right for you and your boyfriend. You can still be together and raise the baby..without getting married right away. If you feel like things are better down the road and when the baby is older then you may be ready for marriage. I think you need to concentrate on your pregnancy and the health of you and your baby right now. Your parents will just have to get used to the idea...
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Mar 07
You marry when you are ready not for what society claims as being right. Just the fact that you are questioning this is the very reason not to marry until you are both ready. As long as you and the father love that child and show it everyday of the childs life, you have done all that is needed as parents. Please marry for you and not your soon to be child. This will benefit everyone. Who knows down the road you will be ready but wait for that feeling or you will blame one another. In the end divorce will be worse for the child then not getting married.
1 person likes this
@ULTRASul (47)
• Romania
24 Mar 07
Marriage is very important because our rolle is to create a family and make chilndren so that humanity will continue.
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
25 Mar 07
My partner & i have been together almost 9 years now - we had a beautiful baby girl just last year & although my dad was a bit iffy to begin with, he soon got over the fact we weren't married. Like you, we see it as just being a piece of paper which says we now have the same surname! I guess it depends on whether your own parents are old fashioned or not. As for not being financially ready for marriage - marriage doesn't really involve the finances, you baby to come will though! As long as you can afford the baby then i wouldn't worry about it - personally! I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your parents, will they disown you or anything like that if you don't get married? Will they be just as happy for you if you choose to stay unmarried? My Dad was a bit like that towards our daughter being Christened, we chose not to do it as my partner is not religious at all & i'm not really religious - we might have a naming day for her but Christening i doubt it. Just do what you feel is the right thing! Hope that's of some help, Kel :)
• India
25 Mar 07
It is fully your personal akinad.But you ask we people for that,firstly, you spend almost five years with your partner and got pregnant.so it has your fault also that why you gone for relationship before marriage.If you not want to marriage at that time than because of your some personal problem than its ok.it must affect your present because the child want father-mother both love him/her.If not,than you must get marriage by him because why you give the problem the child who yet not see the world/earth.than you will be happy and also your family is happy with your decision. I think you know that all girl's want get married in her life because it is one of her wish in life. I personally want to say that "life is not a test paper,don't use like a tissue paper." so you must go for marriage for your betterment and for child ,who will come in this world.
@funrocky (156)
• India
25 Mar 07
marriage is nothing but support for one another, if you can live without support, alone happily then i dont think it is important.
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
Marriage is really important that is why if you are not ready yet then never go for it...
@aash63 (75)
• India
25 Mar 07
Hi dear friend, to give joy and pleasure to your parents you should marry him.but how can you live with a man who is not mentally close with you.one thing you can do is marry him and give him the more love not only body,the pure love and gt close to him mentally.so your life will be more happy and prosperous...
@gegegelay (934)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
Marriage has always been the solution for unwanted pregnancies. But then again, we all have our own standards and perspective about it. If you think you're not ready, well you should've thought of that in the first place. It's up to you if you will push through with your marriage. Marriage is not just "papers" or a legal act of binding two people together. It's a lifelong commitment of love and relationship.
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Well..where to start. I'm not for or against marriage for one. I believe it should be up to the individuals whether or not to marry, not the parents, society, or what everyone else says is 'right'. As far as I can see, marriage has nothing to do with the moral implications of pregnancy. Yes, the baby would probably love a father figure, but I've seen kids do well enough without one..it's preconcieved socio-babble to me to assume things with children. Assuming can only lead to trouble. But then again even without marrying, if you continue to stay with the guy the kid'd still have a father figure. I personally believe that 'comittment' happened the moment you got pregnant. I don't think I'd get married in that situation myself, but rather I'd promise the kid to try to stick with its father for as hard as I could, for as long as I could..for the child itself, not necessarily for me. There's a fine line between being true to oneself and being selfish lol. Marriage as it is today..is just papers, yes. But if you think of it as people used to WAAAY back when it was invented lol..it's actually rather spiritual. If you truly love the person you're with it is kinda like the ultimatum..especially if you mean "I wanna be with you til the day I kick the bucket"..relationships in themselves I think are a form of comittment. I mean you invest in it. It could blow up in your face (due to yours or the other persons' choices usually..) Relationships aren't exactly the safest things this day and age after all.. I wish you luck, hun.
@navtech (1776)
• India
25 Mar 07
"Not ready emotionally, financially and in all aspects life". If that is the case why you have been living with this guy for the last 5 years. MARRY HIM and give your child comfort of father and mother affection. We are all human beings having the power to think. Your child is now more important than anything on the earth. In order to lead a happy life you should have commitment towards your child. In the above situation under which you are now in , your partner should say willingly that "we should get married and lead a happy life" vice versa in your case.
• United States
25 Mar 07
Are you living with the guy? First of all, you should never do anything just because your being pressured to do so by your parents or anyone else. I got married at 19 because I was pregnant and it turned out to be a big mistake and 9 years later I was divorced. If neither one of you feel like you are ready for marriage, then Don't Do It, no matter what your parents say. Just make sure that you and the baby's father love that baby with all your heart. You and the father can have a committment to each other and the baby without getting married. Please make sure you know what you want and how you feel before you make a decision. It might help also to tell your parents in a nice way to back off because the decisions you make will affect you, your boyfriend, and the baby, not them.
@cynddvs (2950)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I know exactly what you are going through. My and my now fiance (boyfriend at the time) got pregnant unexpectedly and unplanned. My parents were actually pretty cool about it and actually told me NOT to get married just because I got pregnant. His parents on the other hand were begging us to get married. My daughter is 17 months old and we still aren't married. We know we love each other very much and will eventually get married but it will be on our terms when we're ready. You definitely don't want to get married if you feel you are not ready. Believe me you and your boyfriend are going to be going through enough changes and growth in your relationship with a baby on the way. You don't need any added pressure. Just keep doing what you feel is right. You can have a perfectly happy family without being married. Just a warning though, throughout your pregnancy you may get a ton of mean looks and comments for being an unmarried mommy. Don't let them get to you. I got them all the time but of course I live in the bible belt.
@7nicole1 (1634)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
I think marriage is nothing but a peice of paper but alot of people like to think that its an ownership to someone which isnt right either. Also I know many people who have been together for along time that where happy but when they got married they where divorcing soon after. I think all marriage does is makes things more serious then they have to be. Also I have noticed once acouple gets married its like they let themselfs go and dont even try to impress eachother anymore so if you ask me I would avoid it for as long as you can.
• United States
25 Mar 07
Marriage is only a give choice. The truth is people who are single have more freedom, less stress and better planning for their life. But those that choose to marry will face good and bad times. To say there are many worries and troubles in a marriage -- not to say this in a bad way, but it's reality.
@Connie1013 (1098)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Five years is a long time. How do you know you aren't ready? He is there 24/7. I know a baby doesn't always make 3 but you should try. If you are upset about getting married, then don't do it. I know I act like I have it so bad being married but deep down I just know that I would do it again. He is everything. I don't know if I tell him enough. It is important to be married. Other than the tax breaks you get in the USA. It is just a full filling each other kind of thing. Do you feel like if he walked out that life would be worth it? Could you just go on without him? Whatever you decide to do know is up to you. The future could hold a different destiny with marriage included. Good Luck!
@allbert (88)
• China
25 Mar 07
Yeah,it's very important,I think so. If your marriage is wrong(you think so),why not correct it?waiting you older? I think it becomes another wrong!