Is it possible to have a happy relationship without arguments and fighting?
By ESKARENA1
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
22 responses
@lucalucky (1839)
• Italy
25 Mar 07
No, I don't think so but you have to think that fighting (in a correct way, obviously) can help a relationship. Do you think that fighting (sometime) is bad? No, I don't think so. Obviously it has to be in the right way: to improve, to solve a problem, to make something for the couple... and has to happen sometime and not all day for everything :-)
@gegegelay (933)
• Philippines
25 Mar 07
It is possible, if you yourselves will try not to argue or fight. But I doubt it, coz' it's normal in every relationships. Sometimes, arguing could be so tiring, I know.. I can relate.. but what's great about it is at the end of the day, you'll end up making up and you'll be able to deal with it in a nice way. For me, it's one way of knowing who your partner really is. Because you will never know a person until you reach to a point where he has let out all his emotions and really expose his whole personality to you.
I encourage you not to give up on your relationship even if you argue or fight a lot. Your relationship becomes much stronger because you are two able to fix things. Just don't let it come to a point where you can't take it anymore. Be humble to each other and talk about what you don't like about each other.. it's healthy =)
3 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
yes, i feel without the occasional spat, the relationship is stultifying and will lead one to becoming a door mat.
Thank you for your intelligent response
1 person likes this
@7nicole1 (1633)
• Canada
24 Mar 07
I myself have asked the same question through out the years and have talked to alot of people who where in very commited relationships. The one thing every couple seemed to have in common was they all fought from time to time and personally to me I think its prefectly normal to have the odd scrap. Alot of women seem to think though theres perfect relationships without the fighting but personally I have yet to see one myself. So if you find yourself fighting as long as its not hurtful or hands on I think its normal.
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
i agree, but i hear so many people claim to have relationships where no one ever has an angry word, i honestly dont believe it is possible
blessed be
2 people like this
@nrnotrare (631)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Hello ESKARENA1......
Yes, it is possible, if the couple really cares about each other.
My wife and I have been married a little over 28 years and we do not fight. We disagree often, and we have had a few arguements, but we do not fight.
Tom
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
hi tom
i was using fight in its broadest sense. I guess what i mean is that i dont think it is healthy to be in a relationship where no one ever disagrees,
blessed be
1 person likes this
@nrnotrare (631)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Hello ESKRENA1........
There is a major difference between disagreeing and fighting. My wife and I disagree about something just about everyday but, it never escalates into a fight. And, for those that think you cannot have a lifelong relationship without fighting, I say you are definitely wrong. My wife is a strong independent woman who speaks her mind as she wishes and I appreciate her individualness. It is one of the things that attracted me to her. Her parents also lived their 42 years of marriage without fighting.
Until you feel that your partner and their feelings and desires are the most important things in your life you will not be able to understand.
Tom
@Transformed (1259)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Yes, it's possible. If the relationship is happy, there should be no fighting or arguments, because of the love there. You shouldn't want to make anything uncomfortable for your partner.
2 people like this
@photodream (178)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I believe it is all in the eye of the beholder. Arguing to some is just an emotional conversation. While others think it is a lively discussion. Either way if you agree all the time with each other I think that would be a stale, and hidden relationship. Nothing is more fun than learning what someone else is thinking.
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
i certainly think it lets off pressure anyway
blessed be
1 person likes this
@TAURUSGIRL (735)
•
25 Mar 07
well when the fighting stops i guess theres nothing left, so i realy dont think its possible to live together happily, people fight if something is worth keeping. Arguing is ok but the making up afterwards is better. tc xxxxx
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
yes when ever you are arguing things are fundementally ok its like a relationship health check xx
blessed be
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@CaroleeKaufold (1853)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I firmly believe that Nothing is worth being angry at for more than 5 minutes. So .... yes
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@arcadian (930)
• United States
27 Mar 07
One day the man I was spending an inordinate amount of time with spoke harshly to me. He was all the stuff of dreams. I explained to him i don't need to have that. Any of that. He said well it can't be all roses. I told him it can, it has to, because pain is already overdone for all of us. In my close encounters I won't have it. If you disagree with me, do it as carefully as you would if your job depended on how I felt about you. And I will do the same. So in my house we are gentle to one another, and if there is irritation, there's alot of counting to ten. Because I really won't have it. I've had enough of all that. I won't take the risk of hurting someone I love, and maybe ultimately losing him because I don't agree with him, or he irritates me in some way. And I won't allow myself to be hurt anymore. I'm dont with all that. I'll walk away before I take another ugly syllable headed toward me.(she said vehemently)
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
27 Mar 07
i can see where you are coming from but i do wonder if a relationship without conflict is healthy? Doesnt it mean that one of them has become a doormat ?
Im not talking about hatred, but those blue air moments when we need to clear something out of the way, isnt that part of health co-existance?
blessed be
1 person likes this
@arcadian (930)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Eskarena, I know that alot of things are possible that are outside my scope- but I just one day reached a point of intolrance for harsh exchanges. Things between R and me sometimes reach a simmering point but in truth he or I will say something like- look I'm pretty angry about this- and then work at expressing it whatever it is without throwing in insults and so on. Its not easy and really alot of times when I 'm angry I am mentally accusing my friend of all kinds of things- like being thoughtleses and selfish and so on, but sticking to the point of what Iam upset about leaves allthat other baggage out of it, and then later I can go through the beliefs and suspicions my mind conjured up in the heat of anger and realize that the whole list is wrong. So yeah we've had exchanges in which we've talked about what's wrong without it getting ugly. I'm glad he's here and that he and I -both with a history of terrible angry outbursts are able to do this. We haven't hurt each other. I'm just tired of the pain I've caused others and felt myself. But I can't say this is a better way to be or a do-able practice- its what is working for me now.
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
31 Mar 07
what a beautiful response, I thank you for it. You are right, i wish it could be so for the rest of us. Just to have the presence of mind, even in anger, to be able to stop and communicate your feelings quietly and rationally is a dream
blessed be
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@happy2bmommy (305)
• United States
25 Mar 07
i guess its possible, but that would make me wonder if the couple actually loves eachother. i think that the only way people wont argue is becuase they dont care what the other says or does. in my opinion, there needs to be some type of argueing going on at least once in a while in order for a relationship to work. the only reason that me and my husband argue is because i care what he is saying or doing, and if it bothers me, i am going to tell him so. if i didnt care about him, i wouldnt say a word.
2 people like this
@mishy24 (88)
•
25 Mar 07
depends what you mean really, i don't believe its healthy to have full blown fights where your screaming at one another every 5 minutes. On the other hand, it is normal to have little disagreements here and there, which are resolved. No one is perfect enough to never fight but i know couples who are pretty close to it.
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
ok i think arguments are a good pressure valve, without it things go unsaid but fester and this can never be healthy
blessed be
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@singleneedadude (30)
• United States
25 Mar 07
That is possible. Maybe some people have nothing to argue about. I know some people who like the exact same things (including each other) that fight about the stupidist of things. I, however, try not to argue with my boyfriend, even though he likes to fight then kiss and make up later that day.
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@Rachelg (221)
• United States
12 Apr 07
I think that it is impossible to live in a tong term committed relationship without fighting. I have been married for 13 years, and trust me we have had our share of fights. One thing I have learned though, is that through all the fights our relationship has gotten stronger. I think that it is almost necessary in a relationship.
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
12 Apr 07
oh you are wise indeed, yes the fights do indeed mean there is something worth fighting for. The fights make you stronger
blessed be
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
27 Mar 07
hahaha me too, ive just had a hour of blue smoke anger with bob and ohhhh my doesnt it clear the air
blessed be
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@wmg2006 (5381)
• United States
29 Mar 07
I do believe it is possible to be in a long term relationship without fighting. It would take two very non confrontational people to make that work. I have know a few in my life who never argued or fought about anything. They each had their own place in the marriage and the other one respected that persons place. I am in a 17 year relationship with a very non-confrontational person, I on the other hand am very confrontational. We do not fight, argue or have many disagreements. It is a pleasant fun relationship. We talk about things and try to solve them as a team. Even when I am about to blow my top they are calm, collective and very reasonable. So yes it can work, but not for a lot of people.
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
29 Mar 07
yes i can see it must work for some ive just never seen it. What made me ask is one of my murderers has just confessed to killing his wife and hiding bits of her body in bin bags. Apparently, in 30 years of marriage, they never had a cross word
blessed be
@nationalcity (358)
• United States
25 Mar 07
If you want to be happy then you should know what is being unhappy. A little of arguments and fights should be there in a relationship which is matured. Then you will understand happiness. Fight need not be a negative flux it can also be a constructive step in the relationship. I would say If you do not have arguments and fightings then the relationship is dominating from one person wherein other person does not have any free will. Fight, ague as far as both of you know your limits and sort it out the same day. It gives you better understanding and you would not fight for the same reason again.
Only when you know what is cold, you would know the hot
only when you have seen darkness you would feel light
When you know how it feels being unhappy, you would relish the happiness more.
1 person likes this
@serenity34 (26)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I think that it's impossible to not have a argument. I think that it's unhealthy if it's on a day to day basis. Then I would question that potentional mate. I think that argumenets are merely caused when two people are stuck in there ways and both feel there right and are trying to prove that they are. I think when you get to yelling and screming and fighting that it can spin out of control and lead to something you might regret.
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@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
27 Mar 07
i agree i think some shouting and arguing is healthy for the relationship but otherwise there may well be a problem blessed be
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@Cerulean (8)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Disagreements are a healthy part of any relationship. If there is a couple that doesn't disagree then I'd have to say that someone in the relationship is sacrificing their happiness. No one is exactly the same, and putting two people is going to cause at least some disagreements.
I think the important thing to realize is the difference between healthy arguments/disagreements and unhealthy ones. It's natural to disagree and even to get angry/irritated. It isn't natural to be constantly irritated by your spouse, or to have screaming fights every night. It's important to be respectful even during and argument and not to say things you might regret; you may be temporarily irritated/angry, but your spouse will remember the things that you say, and they could be hurtful to the relationship.
On the other hand, it's important to express yourself, and have some arguments, so that you don't hold everything in. Holding frustrations in can lead to resentment and bottled-up anger.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
25 Mar 07
holdong in and resentment are the major cause of distruction in any relationship in my view
blessed be
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@tajinder_18 (324)
• Malaysia
30 Mar 07
it is impossible u dun hv any argument even once in your relationship.i think its normal a few arguments happen in a relationship as long as it is not so bad til u have to break the relationship
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