Making Life Changing decisions.

@dlkuku (1936)
United States
March 26, 2007 10:39am CST
As those who read my previous discussion about me thinking about leaving my husband know, some decisions are not easy to make. And there are a lot factors to think about. I am trying to think about this objectively and realistically and in long term consequences. It's easy for people to say, 'Get out now'. They are not in my particular situation, others don't know all the different aspects that are involved. Of course, I wouldn't have posted it if I didn't want others input, and the comments I recieved gave me food for thought. I spoke to my two best friends yesterday, one I have been best friends with for twenty years, the other has been less than a year, but still I trust her, and she is so much like my first best friend that it is almost like talking to the same person. Both of them gave me pretty much the same advice. To think it through, look at him with an objective eye, look at myself and my feelings, look at all the other things are that factor in, like finances and such, and I am taking their advice to heart. I am taking my time, I don't need to decide right at this moment to leave or not. One thing, my husband and I need to do is sit and have a serious heart to heart without throwing blame at each other. This will be hard, I of course, am afraid of his reaction. One good friend, who is a man, gave me a man's point of view. He feels that there is something deeply bothering my husband, and I should explore that and see if I can find out what it is. He feels that whatever is bothering him is causing him to take his frustrations out on me. This may be true, I don't know, but it's worth looking into. A few mentioned on here, that he may be having an affair. Due to circumstances in my husband's past, I find this doubtful, he may have his faults, but he does not have an adulterous bone in his body. There is no indication at all that he is, no mysterious disapearances, I have access to his cell phone, I see the bills, I know the hours he works and I see his paystubs, he is pretty much an open book. Besides, he is just not the type to be able to handle the guilt if he was doing so. Initially, my first response was to just leave as soon as I could. My emotions were running high, and I just wanted to get as far away from the source of my pain as I could. I admit, I wasn't thinking clearly since I was emotionally distraught. Since things have calmed down, I am thinking things through, I don't want to do the wrong thing. I have ten years invested in this marriage. I need to be able to support my daughter for a little over another year, if not longer. I have not only invested a lot of time and effort into my marriage, but in my property, my finances, even my hopes and dreams for a better future. If I just leave, I'm losing all that I invested in, my marriage, my whole life to go back to nothing, no job, no home, and a lot of struggles. So I am wavering back and forth, trying to decide, not wanting to make the wrong decision, but not willing to put up with heartache from him either. We have been through so much together, and we somehow survived, together. It's been a year since we moved here, it was stressful for both of us. After all we have gone through, I don't know if I can give it all up. And I certainly can't make myself stop loving him, I certainly wouldn't have followed him 500 miles to move here if I didn't love him. I have also been praying about it, this is important to me, I really want to do the right thing, not fly off the handle and make a decision I may regret, whether I stay or go.
2 people like this
2 responses
• United States
26 Mar 07
It sounds like you're going through some difficult times.I am glad that you have people in your life who are able to help you get through them. Leaving someone you love is never easy and it's not always the right decision. Listen to your heart and follow your gut instincts. If you really love him but can't be with him anymore - it happens. Maybe you two need some couple therapy or something to get back on the same communication wavelength. I hope that you two come to an argeement that will help your heart stop aching.
1 person likes this
@acquaria (719)
• Italy
26 Mar 07
I suggest you just one thing.Take the necessary time to reflect about the thing you relly want and remeber thet the life is not a beautiful fable or a romantic film that we see in cinemas. The life means also to take difficult choices that are not the sames of our heart,but they can be the right choices in future time. Only the time can give you reason. So listen to your heart,but don't leave the reason!!!