what can i do?

@sparling (178)
Canada
March 27, 2007 6:09pm CST
Something happened to day that upset me so much i dont even know how to talk about it. My two boys were down the street playing with an army of little fellas from ages 5 to 10. they were playing hockey and basketball. Most times im very comfortable with them being there, one of the boys best freind lives right there and his mom keeps in touch with me while my kids are down there. So i had checked on them a few times today whilr they were down there, everything was fine. Later on jordan came home very upset. Because jordan has mutiple dissabilities he gets upset very easily and has a very difficult time dealing with negative emotion. I couldnt get him to tell me what happened but i knew it was serious...One of the older boys had pulled down his pants in front of everyone. he was traumatized to say the least. so i marched down the street to talk to the 10 year olds mom... she spoke to him in front of me and took him in the house. There was no appology, they didnt even ask if he was alright. I'm so upset over the lack of resolution, but what else can i do. I'm really bothered by this so can you tell me what else i can do.
5 people like this
21 responses
@eden32 (3975)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I'd have to assume the mom was so taken back & shocked by it that it didn't occur to her to have her son apologize. I don't think I'd involve the police as someone else suggested, unless I knew the kid had done something like this before. Assume this is a first time, that the kid is punished by his parents & just let your son know he did the right thing by telling you.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
you have a good point..im just so upset over it. thanks
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Yes, the mother might have been caught in shock, too. That can account for her reaction. But I am more tempted to think that she was so ashamed of what happened, such that what came foremost to her mind was to deal with her child accordingly right away.
@kylanie (1205)
• United States
28 Mar 07
It makes me wonder if the boy has done it before and I would tell youre son that you are proud of him for tellin you about it and I would go down there and watch the kids playing that way you know that it will not happen again for youre peace of mind and maybe the boys mom was too ashamed for her son to appoligize to you.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
29 Mar 07
i did tell himm i was proud but also how important it is to tel someone this stuff, i had to fight it out of him, he doesnt like to talk about stuff. thanks, mandy
• United States
28 Mar 07
Well first of all, I am sorry that this happened to your son. Secondly, you cannot control others you can only have the patience to accept other's faults. The best you can do for this situation is focus on your son and what he witnessed by this boy. I would not give the other boy another thought but to make sure your sons have no contact with them. We can only pray that someday this Mother will know what to do with such a child and hope that this child gets the treatment that he needs so that he will not do this again to another child. ~ Take Care ~
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
thanks for your concern
• United States
28 Mar 07
I'm not sure what else you could do. I would limit how much time they spend down there and I wouldn't let them go without you for now. The kid AND the parent will know you are watching and don't want this to happen again. Give the little guy a hug for me. The poor thing :( See it just shows how different kids are. My son would laugh hysterically if someone did that to him and would probably shake it around enough that I would be beyond embarrassed and want to drag him home by his toes! To the kid who did it, it may not have been anything major and something that was done to him before. Kids don't understand that if it doesn't bother them that it still could bother someone else.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
yes you're right kids are very different. my jordan is highly sensitive wich is part of the spectrum that he falls under. sometimes i wish he would just laugh things off, but thats not the little boy that god gave me. thanks for posting
• India
28 Mar 07
my friend told me to get back into mood go in u r bed room stand in front of u r bed take u r hands up and then just fall on the bed thinking that u have no energy and stay there on bed till u dont give out u r last breath out and then take a new breath and stand up with a new thought
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
the response i've gotten over this have been really helpfull and i appreciate every one of them. My son is in therapy regularly for other things, so thank god we have an appointment today. i think it will help..he's more upset over it than most kids would be. he had night terrors last night again.this happens after he's been through something upsetting... thanks
• Pakistan
28 Mar 07
well you should consult with someone you trust most or listen to ypur heart
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
yes i have thank you
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Take a deep breath, now be cool and calm and think about what transpired. Honestly, I find this to be quite a difficult situation. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell my child to stay away from that one who did that act in front of them all. Try talking to your child about what happened, and as to what he thinks about it. You will have to thresh out whatever may it be that bothers your son now relative to that incident. Help him clear his mind. You are the only one who can help your son in situations like this one.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
thank you... he wont be playing there anymore without me, he had a bad night sleeping last night and i think it was related to the incident. but we'll keep working on it.thanks again
• Canada
28 Mar 07
Wow, I'm shocked that the parents didn't make their child apologize. This is NOT good! I'm sorry your son had to go through something like this though. Most times, boys will be boys, but for a kid to do that to a child that he knows has multiple disabilities isn't very nice. I really don't think there is too much else you can do. I have the feeling that the boys mother may have chosen to give her son a telling off in private and hopefully he'll know better. Just make sure you talk to your son once he's calmer about it, and explain that some kids aren't always all that nice. I also wouldn't be too keen on letting him play down there again.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
thanks, that post for some reason made me feel a little bit better about it. I love facebook. I had a good talk with jord and he seems to be fine today. thanks a lot... i appreciate your support
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Make sure that your son knows he did right in telling. Here if it was reported, the child would be sent to counseling. The mother probably was totally shocked and did not know what to say, don't just assume that she did nothing. She should have apologized, but sometimes things floor you so bad, that you can't think straight. Maybe she did take care of things when she got inside with him.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
i think you're right. if i was the mom i would want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. thanks
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
27 Mar 07
You might try taking a chair down to that area each time Jordan wants to play with the group. Take a magazine or a book and a soda and just make yourself comfortable while the kids play. That will let the group know that adults are going to be keeping an eye on them and they'd better play right. Maybe you can get a few other mothers to volunteer while their sons are there, too.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
thats exactly what i plan to do...the sad thing is there were other moms there. thanks
• United States
27 Mar 07
Wow I can't belive the parents didn't make the kid say sorry. I wish there was a easy answer . Maybe call the police and talk to them .If nothing eles they could scare the 10yr old. I would just try to explain to your son that there are some naughty kids and don't let him go down there again. (ATleast not with the boy down there). I feel so bad for your son. It made a tear come to my eye.
@sparling (178)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
I had a good talk with him after he settled down. there will be no more playing down there. it broke my hert too. thanks for your comment
@dbeast (1498)
• India
28 Mar 07
there is nothing much you can do as of now buddy.even by yelling at the kid and by getting an apology is not going to help your kid.you need to comfort himand make him feel that things will be alright and that he has nothing to worry about.if the 10 year old's ma has some respect she will automatically ask how your kid is.quit worrying and try comforting your kid.
@rainbow (6762)
28 Mar 07
I think you probably did the best thing by making sure the childs mother was aware of what happened. She probably really laid into him when she got him indoors, he should be grounded in my view, but you will have to wait and see. You may yet get an apology once his mum is out of shock or maybe when your boys go down she will keep him in and say nothing due to embarrassment. Did you tell Jordan it is ok and good to tell you about things like that? Obviously he knew it was wrong as he was so upset. Short of going round and speaking to her again which could end in a falling out I don't really know what you can do. I would go down with my boys and sit nearby but not too close when they go to play. As your friends home is there could you sit out at her house and have a coffee and a chat? I do not let my boys play out of the gate but our lane has a lot of caravan site traffic, it would be a shame to keep your boys in if it is safe for them to play out, I would try not to in case they feel they're being punished. My 7 year old has disabitities and can be very sensitive, it can be so hard to let them have freedom and protect the sensitive ones at the same time.
@lightningMD (5931)
• United States
28 Mar 07
well you cant change the way the other mother acted..you can only change yourself definetly dont let your kids play there alone nothing takes the place of good supervision...hopefully jordan will bounce back from this just fine maybe seek out some new playmates and start having kids over to your house where you can keep an eye on things....good luck
@shogunly (1403)
• Libya
28 Mar 07
Tell him his friend was just joking , he didnt mean to harm him ,but it was a bad joke that good boys dont do . So if he is still angry about it , tell him that he can go and pull the other boys pants down , that will make him and you feel better . I really dont know what the right thing to do is in this situation , especially since they are so young , but I sure am more worried about having a family and children than I was before !
@calderon (40)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Wow, this is a tough call. This was really disturbing to me. I have two boys myself, and I know that if my son came home feeling that way. I would be raising some hell. I think you Need to have the naughty boy apologize for this unkindly behavior. This goes to show the way he's being brought up. I mean, I can't believe that his mother didn't have the common sense to have her son apologize, and also apologize for her son's behavior. And most of all, at least be polite enough to make sure that your son was ok! Going forward, I would make sure I'm down there at all times. Take something to do, and that way the other children know that there is an adult around, and they will play politely! Best of luck
@mssnow (9493)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Well, You can't control other peoples kids all you can do is protect your own. I guess just tell Jordan that the other boy will not be allowed to play with any of your kids. For at least a while or till he apologizes to you and Jordan. I think he should apologize to the both of you. Sometimes you have to make the first move. I know about being stubborn because I am very stubborn to. if nothing else write a letter to the mother and tell her how you feel and that you and Jordan deserve an apology. I hope it gets all straightened out.
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
28 Mar 07
There are some people who just don't care. I would just keep your son away from this other kid. I think that is ridiculous. This boy obviously has some issues....so I think that your son needs to stay away from him so he doesn't get upset again...
• United States
28 Mar 07
The thing is you don't know what happened after you left their house. For all you know he might have got his behind reddened a little (or lot depending on the person) and a severe talking to. I do agree that they owe an apology, but maybe that will come with time. Sometimes we get so upset with someone we forget to say whats right and after thinking about it maybe she will come back and do the apology. You just never know. When I was a kid these things happened all the time. And there were no regulations about it at that point. Its tough, but he will get over it and be fine. I promise.
@fizzytom (753)
• Maribor, Slovenia
28 Mar 07
Maybe they find it embarrassing. Perhaps there's something going on at home that you don't know anout thay may be causing issues for them. Perhaps this is behaviour that this child is exhibiting at home and they are embarrassed that he has done it outside the home. It is possible that is completely unprecedented and that they are as shocked as you. On the other hand it could be that the other child was just doing what kids do and didn't realsie it could have that kind of effect on your child. If that is the case he (and they) should apologise. Even if they don't mean it it seems the thng most people would do.