Dating someone with kids.....

hello winky, You don't say how long you have been dating or how long this child has lived with you? I'm going to assume that you have been with boyfriend for sometime. I would set ground rules for the cleaning, after all it's your home. A grown adult should have to be told to clean their room or to keep their laundry picked up and placed where it belongs, in a hamper! I don't know if the 21 year old works or not, but even if he does their is no reason that he shouldn't have responsibilities around the house. If he's living their then it would be his home also. I can understand your not wanting to be the one to confront him, as I hate to confront others, but if bf is unwilling to do it someone must. I would confront with well thought out plan and make it as positive as you can. People never take criticism well and especially when it comes from the significant other, which is unfortunate. I would even play out the discussion with a friend or even in your head. I often do the discussion in my head as I can then better answer the hypothetical come backs from the other person, since in most cases I know them better than my friends. I wish you luck with this as I fear that to some degree you will need it. Maybe even have your bf sit down also, even if your the one to do the talking but at least that would show that he supports what your saying. Again best of luck! :)

I really do belive that u have the right to tell him off, after all he is living in your house right? I am surprised that he is still living at home at the age of 21 though, and at that age he should be able to have respect both for you and for his dad. If he can not live by your rules you need to ask him to leave - after all - he is an adult!

My s/o has his 16 (almost 17)year old son living with him. As far as the disrespectful part and not picking up after himself, we have the same problems. My s/o is the same way as your boyfriend. We don't live together because of all the problems. Like you, I never felt like it was my place to attempt discipline (not that he'd listen to me any better anyway). I don't know your boyfriend so I don't know how receptive he'll be but my only suggestion is to tell him you can't continue living with the way things are. Tell him he needs to get on his son about things and make him follow house rules or ask him to move out. I'm assuming at 21 he is capable of having a job to support himself. Let your boyfriend know that this really bothers you and if his son doesn't get his act together you may need to live separately until he does. Make sure you tell him you love him and are not against his son, you're just against his son's behavior. It isn't always easy but having a long term committed relationship is possible even if you don't live together. Maybe give him a deadline to take action. You can't continue the way things are. Your boyfriend and his son have no incentive to change and it sounds like you're the only one that can see the damage it's causing. In that respect it IS your responsibility to do something, it's your life being affected. Your boyfriend and his son need a wake up call about things. You need to talk to your boyfriend, he needs to talk to his son. If you do it in a loving non confrontational way, I think it will all work out. Good Luck!