Alot of people define themselves on here.....

I've noticed that as well on here and on other forums I visit. I was only 18 when I had my daughter and I worked all the time when she was growing up. I had to go to work because I was a single parent but I think I would have done so anyway. Staying at home would have driven me nuts! I really enjoyed her childhood and we had a lot of fun but I've always regarded myself as an individual first and a mother second - don't get me wrong, I think being a mother is the most important and challenging role you can have in life but it never "defined" me. In fact I remember when my daughter was at mother and toddler group or playgroup it used to amuse me that none of the mothers ever called each other by name. I was Natasha's mummy - I don't think anyone ever knew my name and I certainly didn't know theirs! I wouldn't say that motherhood just came naturally to me, partly because I was very young (really too young I think) so I made a lot of mistakes but we got there in the end. It was quite strange when she was born because she was more than a month premature and had to spend the first night in an incubator (just as a precaution) so I really hardly saw her until the next day. The nurse handed her to me and I remember sitting on the edge of the bed thinking "well, what do I do now??" lol. I can't honestly say at that stage I felt any great emotional bond. It wasn't until the next morning when she was lying on her side in her little cot by the bed and then suddenly opened her eyes and looked straight at me. Bam that was it!! Love not quite at first sight! Anyway now she's 26 and has a baby of her own and I feel almost exactly the same way about my grandaughter which surprised me because I didn't really expect to feel that way. I'm actually not keen on babies or children in general. It's a slightly different feeling because I don't have the same responsibility for her as I did for my daughter but she's still gorgeous!

I have two grown children, neither of which I particularly wanted or planned for. When I was young, birth control wasn't discussed much, and I didn't know anything about it. I did my job as a mother, but I wasn't particularly suited for it, and I certainly never defined myself by my children. Of course, I've always been way outside the norm, so the rest of the replies will probably be all the usual oohs and ahs about how wonderful it is to have kids.