Alot of people define themselves on here.....

March 28, 2007 4:34pm CST
by their children. You often see aliass with reference to their children ie. soccermom , mumof3 , etc. Having no children myself I obviously do not do this but I could not see myself ever do this. Obviously being single, childfree, independant, etc has made me by default quite a selfish person. I do not mean this in a bad way. I just mean that I have no one I would rather give my time to than myself and I imagine that will all change when I have children. Well at least I hope it does otherwise chances are I will be a terrible mother. My point is though that right now I can not imagine me wanting me to define myself in life as being a mother. What I want to ask to the mothers or fathers here is : do you define yourself as a mother or father in life and not as an individual person and did it come naturally to you?? I imagine becoming a parent can be very overwheliming with all the emotions going on. It must be crazy to have so much love to give to one person (and for the others when they come along) Soy eah, did it come naturally? Where you surprised by how much you wanted to give up stuff for them? Was it expected? Many thanks for taking the time to respond. Claire, Scotland 23
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2 responses
@Stiletto (4582)
29 Mar 07
I've noticed that as well on here and on other forums I visit. I was only 18 when I had my daughter and I worked all the time when she was growing up. I had to go to work because I was a single parent but I think I would have done so anyway. Staying at home would have driven me nuts! I really enjoyed her childhood and we had a lot of fun but I've always regarded myself as an individual first and a mother second - don't get me wrong, I think being a mother is the most important and challenging role you can have in life but it never "defined" me. In fact I remember when my daughter was at mother and toddler group or playgroup it used to amuse me that none of the mothers ever called each other by name. I was Natasha's mummy - I don't think anyone ever knew my name and I certainly didn't know theirs! I wouldn't say that motherhood just came naturally to me, partly because I was very young (really too young I think) so I made a lot of mistakes but we got there in the end. It was quite strange when she was born because she was more than a month premature and had to spend the first night in an incubator (just as a precaution) so I really hardly saw her until the next day. The nurse handed her to me and I remember sitting on the edge of the bed thinking "well, what do I do now??" lol. I can't honestly say at that stage I felt any great emotional bond. It wasn't until the next morning when she was lying on her side in her little cot by the bed and then suddenly opened her eyes and looked straight at me. Bam that was it!! Love not quite at first sight! Anyway now she's 26 and has a baby of her own and I feel almost exactly the same way about my grandaughter which surprised me because I didn't really expect to feel that way. I'm actually not keen on babies or children in general. It's a slightly different feeling because I don't have the same responsibility for her as I did for my daughter but she's still gorgeous!
1 person likes this
29 Mar 07
Stiletto can I say that that was one of the most lovliest posts that I've read on here in quite a while. You so understood what I was trying to say as well which was amazing. Thank you.
• United States
28 Mar 07
I have two grown children, neither of which I particularly wanted or planned for. When I was young, birth control wasn't discussed much, and I didn't know anything about it. I did my job as a mother, but I wasn't particularly suited for it, and I certainly never defined myself by my children. Of course, I've always been way outside the norm, so the rest of the replies will probably be all the usual oohs and ahs about how wonderful it is to have kids.
28 Mar 07
This might seem a bad thing to say but I think my mother was very much like you. She never doted on us, she constantly worked and had little patience with us. We were brough up fine but she made sure we grew up fast and never gave us an easy time.