Smoking in the boys room

I'm so glad you understand where I'm coming from. I guess I was just raised to be less tolerant of these things and that's why we tend to be on opposite sides of the fence when the big parenting issues come up. My ex husband was a smoker and even when we were both 20 and married he couldn't smoke at my parents house, not even outside, but was respectful enough to hop in the car and go for a little drive if the need arose without ever complaining. I just think it's a matter of respect and courtesy. Obviously, this friend didn't think the same way. Visiting at my house isn't really an option right now, although that may be changing really soon (I'll save that story for another post :)!) I really think my s/o's son is a good kid but has not gotten enough guidance or the right kind of attention. I worry about him but feel a bit helpless to do anything about it. At the same time I know I have to step in somehow because this 16 year old boy is "big brother" to my three youngest. THEY need someone to look up to and I want that to be a good influence on them. I know you have older kids too but I could still probably shock you with some of the troubles we've been through with this kid. Except in the end, it's the same common story where he threatens to move in with his mom, my s/o says fine, she says no, he stays knowing my s/o is too exasperated at that point to follow through on punishment. And every time my s/o acts surprised. I used to not tell him what my "gut" was telling me about his son because I didn't want to sound like I was badmouthing him. Now I tell him flat out what I think his son's going to do. He still doesn't react much but I feel better knowing I did what I could to prevent things. Apparently something was said (by the grandparents) today. Shortly after, both boys took off to my s/o's ex's house (his son's mother). She's an all out "anything goes as long as it's done at home" kind of mother because that's how she was raised and thinks she turned out fine (not in my opinion but that's another story!). I'm sure they'll be doing what ever they want there and will "forget" to come home on time tomorrow night and he'll miss school Monday again. A lot of the problem will be solved on it's own soon enough though. I don't want to say anything just yet because I won't know for sure until tomorrow. If things work out and go the way I'm hoping, he will finally be getting some structure and things may turn around! I'll keep you updated.

Foxy-Please do keep me updated, as I feel a bond with you. I doubt if I would be shocked...because as you said, I have older children too. Maybe this child could spend more time around you and your family...I have no doubt that if he did ....his life values would change for the better. I think we all have family members who need to seriously step back and evaluate what they are doing; not only to themselves but to their kids.....in a perfect world. As always, I wish you the best and look forward to more of your discussions as I am usually drawn to them and have a strong opinion about your subjects. Take care till later.....my friend.

My s/o's parents (the 16 year old's grandparents) had already gone to bed so they didn't know. My s/o doesn't like smoking but also doesn't like discipline or confrontation. The only one of them that smokes is the grandfather but always outside. I've never met the 18 year old's parents and in the time we've known him he's seemed to do whatever he wants. We've needed a family meeting over things for several years. They just aren't that kind of family. It's rally frustrating.

Maybe I misunderstood what you're trying to say here so please clarify if I'm wrong... First of all I DO have children, small ones, and as i stated they were also present in the house and I think I have some say over the air MY children are breathing regardless of who is smoking. Are you saying that my s/o should allow his UNDERAGE son to be exposed to not only the second hand smoke but also the influence of an older smoking teenager because the smoker "isn't his kid"? To answer your question, I wouldn't be offended if my friends "butted in" if my child was violating rules and common sense in their home.

That's what I meant. The other kid is 18 and I don't care if he smokes. I just wasn't happy that he was doing it in a 16 year old's bedroom in a smoke free house with small children nearby. And that my s/o wouldn't do anything about it (like tell him to take it outside). I know we can't choose our children's friends but I just think we're still supposed to monitor what is brought into our homes. In this situation I really don't have any say because it didn't occur in MY home and he isn't MY son which is why I asked my s/o to step in. Apparently he and I have differing opinions. The 16 year old isn't trustworthy so I know talking won't help. I think that makes it even more important to keep an eye on what he and his friends are doing. None of them seem to be making good decisions about things. I guess I just see this kid heading down a really bad road and am tired of his dad doing nothing. Honestly, that may have been the bigger reason for me going off in my original discussion about it.

I can't say as I blame you. I would be upset also. It's unfortunate that no one seems to be taking an interest in the 16 year old besides you. This is the age he really needs his parents to be active and paying attention in his life. Hopefully you can get this message accros to your s/o before the 16 year lod really does take a turn down the wrong path.