KIWIDIPA KLUB

Thanks for the compliment Katy. Yes, I do this only after seeing how things and decisions my son's mom and I make tear his little heart between us. At 7 years old he is really starting to learn the trueness of divorce and everything that comes with it to a child. It's is still about having 2 birthdays, 2 xmas's, 2 of every holiday(least we have told him this for a few years so he would be more excited then wondering why all 3 of us weren't spending it together)but now to him it is more about the love, and the connections. So this is my start to something I think about on an everyday basis, thanks for being the first to reply. Yes, father's and mother's both, want to try and forget because of the pain when they are not with their child. There may be a front on the outside, but behind closed doors don't believe that it is ever the same. It is not so much that the parent not living with the child doesn't care, it's more that there is this feeling of, " I am scared to go through this". Maybe out of sight out of mind will work. In the end however it only worsens the situation down the road mentally for all. To look at a situation as I see yours, for both you and Zed is to not so much look at the situation as you two see it, but as the boys do. I can only imagine the thoughts roaming around in their heads about where their father is and why do they feel like he wants anything to do with them. Throughout their lives this will only cause problems in other areas like making friends, learning in school, commitment to others. The thinking that, "If my father can leave us, who can I trust"? On your side as a step-mom, the problem still arises, and the tension is always behind that wall that wants to be broken, but holds strong not to interfere with your own life. You must feel as you can only take it so far, before the tension builds in your own relationship. It is nice to hear that you are finally gaining his trust, being that you have never had it, and personally I have the same issues still committing to women in a relationship for this very same reason of not trusting. I try to keep my focus on my son, which inturn, is making me run away from the other problems which is not right by any means. If you really want to know how your husband feels, then you have to bring it to the fore-front and just ask. I know you are thinking about what might happen before hand, but in the end, it will be much better for your relationship, and his with the boys. Yes, I imagine Zed does want to see his boys, and even though it is never brought up, it is always in the back of his mind surfacing from time to time, wondering, hoping that someday, he will build up the courage to apologize to his boys, and have what he has been wishing for, for a decade. Good Luck to you in this Katy. It will be tough, but things that are left unsaid, in the end, hurt everyone.

Yes I agree with everything you have said but will ellaborate on it tomorrow. ttyl

We have come such a long way, but that is irrelevent to what the boys go through. It still hurts when birthdays come and he never sends them a card. I will tell him 'today is Josh's birthday' or 'today is Daniel's birthday'. It tears me up imagining what they are going through. We have talked about this, he shuts down. I don't know his thoughts. We have talked about going to Florida, but that is all. They are teenagers 14 and 12. Now is when they need Daddy the most. I could say things but I won't here, but coming from a man in the same situation, I may want to ask you in private. I have even told him about that day when he will face them and have to explain all of this. I am not looking forward to it. All I know is that I want them to know that I love them and without making my husband feel inferior, I want them to know that I tried MY best. Like you said I can do so much. After all they are his kids. I love them very much and I know they are hurting, because I did. Also, as young as my kids are, they know about thier big brothers and I think that is good. How about you? I surely didn't mean just Fathers tend to 'push away' or forget (outta sight outta mind) thier children. In fact my best friend in AZ, is in the similar situation. It hurts her so bad, although we are best friends, she will hardly talk to me about it. She cannot see her kids. It has been about 6 years and I think her daughter is about 16. I can feel her pain. Embrace them while you can. Take time to tickle them. Take time to give them butterfly kisses. Play football or catch with your son. Our kids will remember these things. Let the good memories be brighter then the bad. Never tear down the other parent to them, this hurts. Never blame them or make them feel it is thier fault. If at all possible, remain friends with the other parent. That helps.

thanks for the compliment JoyfulOne, good to see you in here. Yes, it is a hard subject for and all and you are completely right that the children are hit the hardest. When my own personal divorce took place we thought it would be best to do it while he was young, instead of trying to make something work and end up making it worse on him. We were divorced when he was only 2 so he has pretty much grown up in the environment, though never really understanding. lol, he sometimes still asks if i can stay the night at his house so we can play his games. The healing process, well, I believe it only can be conquered through time as well. Other problems of the divorce and thoughts will surface into the mind of a young one who sees there classmates with their parents, and there is just no stopping it. You have to learn to control it. lol, don't worry, I am planning on giving everyone the URL once it is done, but for now depends on how much publicity this gets in here. thanks again, joyfulone, I am sure to be chatting with you again................

that would be fantastic, and thank you for that. Although, I really at this point have no idea when it is going to happen, I want to use this site as a experimental process and see what I need to change. I imagine without anything on the topic of divorce in the Heading, it will take a little longer than normal, but once people come in, the word will be out about the Kiwidipa Klub

i_agree_but, that's funny, my brother said the same thing when I came up with the name. Yes, it is Klub with a K. Thanks for coming in and looking around

Yeah and like kiwidipa said to me.... even though you may not be directly effected, everyone is effected in one way or another by divorce. Example: if you are a teacher, your students who are victim of divorced parents, are going through so many emotions, we as adults cannot even imagine. It is a very deep and touchy subject for all of us!

thank you sincerely cuddlebug, if you could i would appreciate it if you can email it to at least one person, so I can get this going...........thanks again

rmuxagirl, thanks for coming over here and elaborating. It's wonderful to hear a story such as your own that though tragic, you, your brother, and mother were still able to persevere over this struggle. Congratulations on your bachelor degree and I hope your family is doing well.

thank you young lady. I appreciate the support and it will all depend how popular this topic becomes and people are ready to indulge in serious conversations or not......