Some Simple Remedies

@Katlady2 (9920)
United States
April 1, 2007 4:40pm CST
I got this in my email from my brother in law. This will show you how warped the sense of humor is in my family! LOL 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache. 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. Thoughts for the day: If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan. Some people are like "slinkies" . . . They're not really good for anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs NOW, GO HAVE A REALLY GREAT DAY!
5 people like this
5 responses
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
2 Apr 07
Lololol I love it But I won't take the Advice on here lol I will just stick to the way before
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
2 Apr 07
LOL! Good idea....it'll be safer that way!
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
2 Apr 07
OH I do like this one particularly the one about the duct tape and wd40. I also love the thought and humor that has gone in to these gems of wisdom, here are one or two of my own If you toilet keeps rising and rising after you have just flushed. do not flush again/ If you taste some thing absolutely foul, do not offer it to a friend to try. In order to confuse a clerk in McDonald's give them the correct change. If you start ranting and raving to your self , you will be waited on before all the patient people in line. Just a few wandering bits of wit and wisdom from me, Thanks Robin
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
2 Apr 07
LOL! I love those! They should definitely be on that list! Thanks hon.
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2736)
• United States
2 Apr 07
LOL! These are really great. I definitely have to share this with my family, lol. Thanks for the laugh! :)
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
2 Apr 07
You're quite welcome hon. I hope your family gets some snickers out of it too.
1 person likes this
@Randallm (22)
• Afghanistan
1 Apr 07
lol that was pretty funny i liked it
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Glad ya got a kick out of it.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164168)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 08
Love it and thanks for giving me a lot to laugh over. Now I am having a great day as I am smiling and chuckling and laughing some more.
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I'm glad I could brighten your day hon. Thanks for the wonderful response.