Do you offer help to your neighbors and do you end up regretting it?
By mamasan34
@mamasan34 (6518)
United States
April 1, 2007 6:53pm CST
I have to vent! My neighbors asked if my fiance and I could help them move a few weeks ago because they couldn't find anyone to help them, we agreed and they were supposed to be loading things up Saturday and Sunday and leaving tomorrow! They told us that they were getting the truck at 8 a.m. and would be ready to start at 9 a.m., well, come 12 in the afternoon they still weren't ready. Finally, they loaded some boxes into the van. That was it for yesterday. He didn't want to do anything else. He said that they were going to finish packing and then start tomorrow, which is now today. We waited all day long for them to come let us know if they were ready to move. Finally we ended up knocking on their door. They finally decided to move some dressers. My fiance is healing from a broken hip and they know this, I have a bad back as well. My fiance and this guy moved one dresser down the stairs. Then the guy went into the truck and didn't come out until all of the dressers that me, my fiance and a friend of my fiances who came over to help moved. They have nothing packed! I took a nightstand into the van and found them sitting there drinking soda and talking, while we were all working. I was so mad!!! Then I went upstairs again to bring some dresser drawers down, and his wife was sitting on the floor watching t.v. They didn't even offer us anything to drink. Then they ordered pizza and we stood around like what do we do next? They said they wanted to take a break, so we went home. We are still waiting and it is dark. So, basically we have given up. My fiance told them we have things to do and we only had a limited amount of time to do this, being that we are the only ones helping you would think he would seize this opportunity and make things happen. So, we aren't knocking on their door anymore, we are done. Right now I feel thatthey can move their stuff down the stairs at the last minute and have to do it by themselves! We tried to do the Christian thing and be nice and try to help, but we are not doing all of the work for them especially when both of them are younger and in better health than we are! Not to mention that they have three kids that were running around with no supervision, blocking the driveway and I kept having to tell the kids to move their toys out of the way. I have never seen such laziness in my life. It is almost 8 p.m. and they still haven't moved a stick of furniture. I am now regretting offering to help. I just don't like being taken advantage of. I have always been friendly and never had a problem offering help to someone, it just makes me so mad that when we were working over there, they were sitting around like we were their servants and they know my fiance has a broken hip. I really wish I would have told them that we couldn't help now. Sorry for being so bitter, but I just had to let that out! Do any of you out there regret ever offering help to someone? I hope I am not alone out here, LOL!
5 people like this
14 responses
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
1 Apr 07
It was nice of you to offer but if they are not there when they are suppose to I would not put my life on hold to be there to help out when they decide to turn up and do something.They were very rude in sitting around and watching again that is when I would of got up and just left and said sorry that you had other things to tend too...your not there moving company and not getting paid for it, but don't let one family ruin it for those that will more than happily return and appreciate your help..I know I help anytime that I can that is how to keep a friendly neighborhood and who knows when you might need them,I bet your thankful now that they are moving maybe your new neighbors will be more thankful and appreciatitive
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Well, it is sad that they are so lazy. I won't let them set the tone for my wanting to help others, I just learned a valuable lesson that I can say no to those who don't want the help, they just want others to do it for them. Thanks for the comment! I appreciate your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I know how you feel. I recently moved my mother and the other kids were supposed to help. But out of eight kids only 2 showed up me and my brother. We are both almost 400 lbs. and have back problems and other health issues I thought my mom would have alot of it packed since she knew she was moving ahead of time. But she only had a few boxes packed. My dad is recovering from a hip surgery where he fell off a horse and my mom has a deteriating hip. I got so mad at my siblings because I know they just didn't want to do it. They never help out the last 7 times my mom moved it was always me doing it, usually by myself and then I end up with a hurt back trying to lift and tug on these heavy objects this time my brother helped some he would carry it out as I packed it and when he take a break I still packed and then helped him load it up. I was so sore the next morning I couldn't hardly move even. That didn't stop them coming back and getting me two days later to help them unpack it and tug stuff upstairs that was my little sisters You have a right to be bitter because of the way they acted. You out of the kindness of your heart said you would help them and then they use you as a moving service that is bad. I wouldn't go banging on their door and when they come to you wanting you to do more then say sorry I made other plans because we didn't know when you would decid you were going to start up again tell them you waited and even if you don't have plans grab your man and go somewhere for a few hours. It was wrong of them to treat you like that I mean they ordered pizza and didn't even offer you any after the hard work?? That is bad. They should have given you a steady supply of cold drinks and a dinner for all your hard work. Well, you get extra brownie points with god for being so nice about it. And that she didn't even watch her kids..or keep them out of the way atleast, shows that she is a person who doesn't really care about stuff as long as they don't have to do it..
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I know what you mean. I am very sorry that you had such a bad experience helping your mom and dad move. You are so right, the other siblings should have most definitely helped! You and your brother shouldn't have been the only ones out there. My brother is like that too. He doesn't want to lift a finger to help my parents, but when he needs help, he sure is the first one to call for help. Don't get me wrong, I love him so much, but fact is fact. Don't let it get you down, keep your chin up and you too will have "brownie points with God" LOL!
@takutaku (102)
• Zimbabwe
2 Apr 07
It is very unfortunate that the people wehelp or try to help sometimes grossly disappoint us. It is an unfortunate happenstance that we, all of us, should avoid.We should be thankful after taking someone's hand , both to God that we could find someone to help and to the person who gave us their hand.
Since I know that it is an unfortunate part of life, I always give a hand when I can.Always.Of course I may feel bad after a shoddy response or being recompensed with evil after doing good, but I know that when I help it is not for the person to thank me but it is for me help. And I owe it to the Lord to do that.
So despite the disappointments, we should just make sure we continue to help the guys around us. And get blessed for your good heart
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
That is a good point. I will have to think about that.
1 person likes this
@magikrose (5429)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Considering I live in a small 4 appartment building, everyone here is very warm and we all help eachother when we need it. My best friend recently moved next door to me on the first floor and we helped her move in. The diffrence was she was the one helping to cary the heavy things or as many heavy things as she could. My husband and a friend were there to do the really heavy things. I called them "dumb muscle" LOL as a joke.
I had to watch 6kids. 3 of my own and 3 of her kids to keep them out of the way so they could move things with very little obsticles.
If I were you I wouls litterally just stop helping them. If they come knocking on your door for help you should say we did help you but unfortunatley we are unable to help you any more.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
My fiance and his friend went over there last night and finished up what they could, to at least relieve a guilty conscience of giving up. They just wanted to get out of there. They were supposed to leave at 9 a.m. this morning and it is now noon and they are still standing around in the front yard just yapping and drinking soda, like they did last night. We just gave up. I don't even want to say goodbye to them, I am still that upset. I don't want her to ask me anything other favors so I am keeping my front door closed until they leave. I know that is wrong, but its for my own peace of mind. That is great that your best friend moved in next door! You guys did the right thing, everyone had their own station and everyone worked equally hard. That is the way it is supposed to be. Thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
2 Apr 07
My goodness I don't get this it's hard enough to get anyone who is willing to help a person move, you'd think they would be more grateful than this. The least they could do is be ready or at least somewhat ready. I think they have done you a favor really because based on your health issues, neither one of you should be doing any heavy lifting. You have already done more than your share. Sometimes in life we come across people that we just don't seem to be able to help. You people have nothing to feel bad about, you were more than generous. I also think not even offering you a drink or pizza is just flat out rude. They need to be ashamed of themselves all the way around.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I agree, but I try to be nice anyway, I don't let things like that get me down. It certainly won't hinder me from helping others in the future. I will just be more wise after this incident! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@pranesh245 (309)
• India
2 Apr 07
I generally tend to help even strangers leave the neighbors.I don't like to see people watching for halp and nobody is there to help.But,yes!sometimes people misinterpret the proposal.They think that since the next person has some works with him thats why he/she wants to help.So that he/she can take help of his.I feel sorry for you.But there are always different kind of people in the world and there are so many good ones also.Why to be passimistic?I must do my own duty,whatever obstacle comes in my way.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I too like to help whenever I can, and your right sometimes people do misinterpret help offered. I am glad you said what you did, that you do your own duty whatever obstacle comes your way. It is a good way of thinking!
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I am not having to worry about that at all anymore, they left this evening. So, I am safe now!
@bluewings (3857)
•
2 Apr 07
I think you did what was right and they did what wasn't.If I was your neighbour and knew that you guys were helping me inspite of not being in perfect health ,then I would have been truly grateful.What they did does sound very unreasonable to me.Sorry, but if I were you,then next time they'd come asking for help ,I'll remind them of the last time.Yeah,it would have perhaps made me fume if I experienced that.Next time if you still choose to help ,let 'them' work more,lol.Sorry,but at some point you just got to pay it back.:-P
@bluewings (3857)
•
3 Apr 07
Yes,it's good,lol.Wish you good luck for any new neighbors who might come.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks! I appreciate that, I am also looking forward to meeting nicer neighbors!
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I don't think we will be seeing them anytime soon. They moved to Washington state. So, this is a good thing. I wish them all of the best, and am trying to hold no ill will. They are younger and hopefully will be wiser in the future on how to treat others. Thanks for the response! LOL
@DiamondWings (176)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I can appreciate what you've just gone through. My husband and I have helped people move and something very similar has happened. When we had to move from Massachusetts to NH, a 76 year old man helped us. No one else came. When we moved from NH to Alabama, we had another couple and a friend help us. Thank God for them because we were moving from a farm. I don't know why people expect someone else to do all the work when they are the ones moving. If someone asks you in the future, be willing but be wise.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Thanks for the comment! I agree, I will be more wise in the future. My fiance and his friend went over there a few minutes ago and pushed to get everything done and the neighbor on the other side he came over and they got it done. Meanwhile everyone else was standing around. At this point we just want them to leave. LOL At least that is my fiances stand on things.
1 person likes this
@arcadian (930)
• United States
2 Apr 07
you've heard the saying-no good deed goes unpunished! ;}
I think I would have ended my participation on the first day. But I have little patience with people who take advantage of others. I had a neighbor help me move and he was so wonderful and worked so hard wheni deperately neededhelp and couldn't afford any. He was a major hero, and it took several days of exhausting work. I will never forget him, and always always feel grateful. He laughed saying that he got alot for it- because I did give him whatever I had that could be useful to him that I knew wasn't that important to me. But we both worked side by side- no way would I ask him to do anything I couldn't- just that it took two. I was so blessed to have such a neighbor. So wer the folks you helped- they just don't know it.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Thanks for another inspiring story of good neighbors. It gives me hope that possibly my next neighbor won't be like these guys. It is great to have good neighbors who appreciate your help. I maybe have too much patience as my fiance says regarding helping others. I just don't want to give up on people!
1 person likes this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I am so sorry that your neighbors have taken advantage of you like that. It is so frustrating, knowing that you are trying to do your best, and they don't care. You've offered the help, you tried to help, and now, when THEY decide that they need to work, I would find myself conviently busy. Just leaving, or simply say, I don't want to. If you are feeling vengeful--tell them you'll be over in a minute, and never show up. Unethical, yes, but it IS what they have done to you.
It's a good thing that they are moving. Hopefully, you will be getting better, more grateful neighbors. I'll be sending happy thoughts your way. :)
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Thanks so much, I certainly need some happy vibes coming my way, LOL! We are definitely going to be finding ourselves conveniently busy until they move, sad to say! I want to be nice and friendly but I know right now, that I am not that happy with them and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I just don't want to leave a lasting impression like that.
1 person likes this
@angel68 (138)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Its sad that we lend a helping hand to others that take advantage of us. I had the same situation.. but you know what in the end we all get rewarded for our good deeds i believe and in the meantime those that run over us will suffer in the long run. Keep your nose high and remember not everyone is like that jerk neighbor.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I agree, I will not let them hinder me from helping others. I believe that we will be reward in the long run, I am going to continue to keep my chin up! Thanks for the response, I appreciate it!
1 person likes this
@sweeetkisses2 (269)
• United States
2 Apr 07
well me i never regret helping no one even though i give up on them like you i would have given up to but i would not of regreted it,it shows whos the better person because you are nice to say yea i will help you with this and then them let you do it all your self,it shows that they are going to wish they had help you and your husband because now there going to need the help so the will regret it not you.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
2 Apr 07
I do regret helping people like that, because we could have helped our friend put his shed together, which he desperately needed done this weekend, and he would have been more than willing to help. He has always gone out of his way to help us. But we had already obligated ourselves to helping them move.
1 person likes this
