This is great....It get's funnier as it go's on
April 1, 2007 7:50pm CST
Thought i would share this joke with you that a friend of mine sent to me todayl. One-Week Diary Of 65-yr-old going to the gym for personal training... Dear Diary, For my sixty-fifth birthday this year, my wife(the dear)purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college tennis team 45 year's ago,I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.I called the club and made my reservation's with a personal trainer named Belinda, who indentified herself as a 26-year old aerobic's instructer and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY-Started my day at 6:00 a.m. tough to get out of bed. but i found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess with blond hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. WooHoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. she was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but i attribute it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. ver inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, all though my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! TUESDAY- I drank a whole pot of coffee, but i finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air--then she put weight's on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY- The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.I believe I have a hernia in both pectoral's. Driving was OK, as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my scream's bothered other club member's. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scold's, she get's that nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair master. Why the hell would anyne invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevator's? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too. THURSDAY- Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,cruel lip's were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoe's.When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me. Then as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine--which I sank. FRIDAY-I hate the witch Belinda more that any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there wa a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps, I don't have triceps! And if you don't want dent's in the floor, don't hand me barbell's or anything that weigh's more than a sandwhich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a bony health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a drama coach or a choir director? SATURDAY- Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hour's of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY- I'm having our church van pick me up for service's today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or vasectomy. Johnnie Hope this made your day or night. :) :) :) :) :)
2 Apr 07
The main reason I don't go to gyms is because they hire too many Belindas to help us. Who wants to see some skinny, perky, little girl in her almost-nothing leotard while I sweat away in my oversized, bulky, cover-everything sweat suit. Doesn't quite seem fair. When I run out of breath on my 2nd jumping jack, I want someone there who can empathize with me, not tell me I need to do 13 more. Any others out there who agree with me?
• United States
3 Apr 07
I am with you bluebird1956,i'm the same way. i empathize with you, i wear the same suit when i workout and i can't do that many jumping jack's without getting out of breath. i would not want some skinny young thing telling me to do a dozen more of this or that and wearing a spandex suit at that. i would hide from her also, probably just go home and call it a day.