I'm so proud of my nephews!
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
United States
April 2, 2007 6:58pm CST
My sister recently was hospitalized and I was caring for the boys (twins age 8, 2nd grade). Recently they were tested and considered "slower" and it broke my heart because to be honest these boys simply need attention more then anything. IF they had been given the attention they needed from day one they wouldn't be a grade behind and struggling in that grade but my sister is very selfish and it's all about her.
My mom and I spent this past week working with them on their spelling words and homework. We practiced, devised new games, new ways to learn them, etc. It was FUN. I homeschooled my 3 kids so I knew that making it FUN was 3/4 of the battle! After spending literally 4 days practicing with us, learing in fun ways and truly enjoying the learning they went in to school on Friday to test. They both not only got 100% on their 8 words BUT also learned 1 other extra word on their own (extra credit word). This is the first time EVER they've done this. Their teacher was ecstatic. They were so proud they called me immediately to tell me how they did. I'm going out to get them a little something to celebrate, not sure what, but they should be proud.
I just had to share this moment because, while I know they're not my kids I love them so very much and to see them finally have a moment where they were proud of themselves made me absolutely burst inside. I wish my sister could see what she's doing. Unfortunately when my mom or I comment that we want to help them or whatever she finds a reason why we can't. It's sad. She doesn't like being on upped by us, yet she won't do it herself and make a difference.
8 people like this
17 responses
@jillbeth (2705)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I hate to see children labeled because then people will only expect so much of them. Children will usually try to live up, or down, to our expectations of them. Now that the teacher knows they are indeed bright little boys hopefully she will encourage them a little more. Try to spend time with your nephews without making the learning an issue with your sister. There are all kinds of games you can play with them to encourage their spelling, counting, and problem solving skills. Get a kid's version of scrabble, or board games that use counting or math skills, do simple science experiments, or go to the zoo and learn about animals. Fun things that sneak in education! You are be a wonderful blessing to your nephews!
2 people like this
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
Those are far better methods of homeschooling than you sometimes hear. I could go into a whole discussion of homeschooling but some people in the past have angered me so much that I won't. When people have a good method and are serious...like you obviously are...it's a whole different story than when a totally hairbrained woman tries to homeschool just because she wants to shield her child from evil in the world. I'll finish just by saying that her kids grew up to be mostly rebellious...and only one out of three with high school finished.
1 person likes this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Oh definitely! You can find as many "bad" homeschoolers as you can "bad" teachers. Like anything in life, it is what you make of it. I never homeschooled to butt the system. Instead, we were paying thousands of dollars for private school, only to be told our "gifted" child was too smart and couldn't be given extra work to keep her from being bored or couldn't be given the opportunity to review math, which was her worse subject, instead of reviewing everything else over and over and boring her. Then we had issues when the twins went and were given passing marks for knowing their alphabet (preschool) and couldn't tell me certain letters. I didnt' want to use the public system for various reasons so decided to try homeschooling. It was great for me. I have a friend who HS'd and she was terrible. Did nothing with the kids unless I had them over to do special events, etc.
@retardedrugrat (4790)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
Congratulations to you and your mom for your work with your nephews. It's wonderful to see people helping out of their own accord like this and to see the results too. I'm just as proud of those boys as you are lol.
I'm sorry to hear that your sister isn't willing to do anything herself. Is there any way you could maybe offer to have the boys each weekend and maybe help them with their work that way?
I know it's kind of going behind your sisters back, but I think the boys are whats important here. They have proven that they just need some attention and a little bit of work in the right direction and it worked wonders.
Maybe you could have another talk with your sister about this. I'm sure she must understand how important it is that they get the education they deserve.
I wish you luck with this.
2 people like this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks. We are hoping she realizes how it worked and will make an effort. Every time we offer to come over and work with them or spend some time she gets defensive. More so with my mom I think because she feels like mom's saying she's not a good mother. She is a good mom in so many ways and I don't question her love. She just has some major issues.
@missybal (4489)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Good for you. It's too bad about your sister. So many parents don't take an interest in helping their children with school work and just leave it up to the school and teachers there. Really every child is different and some just need that one on one and need someone to show things to them in a different light so they can understand it better. A teacher in school will have to teach everyone the same and unfortunately some students get left behind. That doesn't mean they are "slow."
2 people like this
@Penguinsangel (3498)
• United States
3 Apr 07
First off honey. I feel more proud of you and your Mom first off...you guys really did some great work with them in such a short time.
And of course I am proud of them too...they did great. learning has to be fun, otherwise you just don't take it in as well. You might get bits and pieces but it doesn't really stick in there until its fun.
Great work to all four of you!!! :)
2 people like this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks. I can't take the credit as much as they can because they loved learning and were SOOOOOO proud with that 100%!!! I'm telling you I had tears in my eyes I was so touched.
It's killing me because I love my sister with all my heart and I understand that she's got issues... I really do.. but unfortunately these boys are suffering from them also. I've had moments when I've thought about asking to take them but I can't do it and have her think she's a horrible person. Yet she will only allow so much helping before she takes it as we're saying she's a bad person. It's tough.
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
3 Apr 07
This is indeed a very sad story. It sounds like your two little nephews are well capable of achieving academically, but there is nothing being done to encourage them. What a difference just a little effort can make! I don't know how long your sister will be in hospital for, but make the most of the time you and the boys have together.
Also, if your sister is turning down your offers of help there could be a number of reasons. Perhaps she feels that by you asking to help, this is a criticism of her and her parenting? Obviously if this is the case, she will feel inadequate and this will lead her to act defensive. So perhaps you could change your way of asking to let her know that you can see the good sides of her parenting, that she does a good job and that you value her as a sister and respect her as a mother. Maybe then she will be happy to let you help with her boys. Can I just say that I would be thrilled to have a sister like you!
2 people like this
@Lavera1 (896)
• United States
3 Apr 07
That's very sad about your sister, Hockeygal. All I can say is that whenever they, your nephews come over your house just do it again with them; the practicing and building up their self confidence.
That's what I have to do with some of my neices and nephews for their parents are very envious and jealous also.
2 people like this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks. It's tough to be on the outside looking in and knowing that there is a chance for these kids to be somewhat normal if given the chance.
I hope she lets us keep "helping"... who knows?
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13387)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Congratulations to you and your mom and your nephews on the success you have had with them doing well. It took all of you to accomplish this and commend you and your mom with helping your nephews learn and have fun at the same time. I am very proud of you, your mom and your nephews who worked hard and did well on their tests. It is always refreshing to hear such wonderful success stories. I am sure they are happy as well and appreciate the help that you and your mom have given them. Keep up the great work.
2 people like this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks. I'm not proud of me ... but of them. I did what comes naturally, caring for them. But I appreciate your confirmation of what we've done. Now I hope my sister can realize that IF she takes the time things will work out. She's a good person, honest. She's just not mentally stable at all.
@scorpius (1792)
• India
3 Apr 07
honestly that is reallyu fantastic what you and your mum did for your nephews.yes all children need attention inthier formative years and this lack of attention can actually have a disastrous effect later on.either way i think that it is high time you and your sister talk it out at least for the benefit of your nephews!cant they come and live with you guys??
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/schoolissues/qt/inattentive.htm
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20061228-000002.html
1 person likes this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I've thought often about offering to let them live with us but my sister would never hear of it and to be honest she's not a "bad" parent at all. She keeps them clean and neat and fed, etc. but she just doesn't go the extra mile. She seems to have been left out of the mothering gene pool! But believe me I've thought about ways to approach it and such... I just don't see it happening.
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
Bravo hg. You have given these boys a great gift. Don't worry if their mom doesn't see it. The boys themselves know, and that is the greatest. Eventually they may be able to make her see.
I used to be a trained volunteer tutor for adult learners. After I decided to receive the training, the LORD directed my path toward two mentally challenged adult men. Neither of them learned to read much after several months, but they were so proud that they had each learned to say and write the alphabet and their names. They went to the local bank where they had been known for years and were totally proud to sign more than an X. The bank employees were totally impressed with them. One of them has passed away now, and the other is still working on the same farm he did when I tutored him many years ago. I sometimes wish I had been able to give the gift of words to some other adults, but I was able because of my training to teach my own children to write their own names and read a little bit before they went to kindergarten.
1 person likes this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
It is a wonderful feeling indeed to know you've helped someone.
@imadriscoll (2228)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Perhaps now your nephews will bug your sister enough to let you help or for her to do the fun learning games that she will see that she needs some help... more importantly that her boys need the help. I don't think that your nephews will soon forget this time of self-confidence and pride. Perhaps you've also gave them some motivation that they really can achieve success when they put their minds to it!
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I sure hope so! They're such good boys and just need some extra push to get things into their minds.
@kareng (80243)
• United States
3 Apr 07
I have identical twins that are now late teens. I know exactly what you are talking about with them being slow. It is a trait with twins. They focus on one another first, then other stuff. It sounds like you did an excellent job with the boys and their excitement showed with them calling you. I hope your sister realizes that this is only benefitting the boys and you and your mom are not doing this for glory but for them. Good luck!
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Thanks. And that is the hardest part... making her realize that WE care and are not slamming her for not doing this type of thing. I have come to grips with the fact that she just isn't this type of person and won't do it. It's plain and simple. She provides for them, loves them, keeps them fed and clean, etc. but when it comes to the extra mothering stuff she just doesn't have it. So I wish she would just realize that my mom and I LOVE doing this stuff for them and I don't care if ANYONE at the school knows that we helped them or if they think she made a huge change. As long as they benefit!
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
They've changed schools since last year and this school is awesome. They've made real strides and the teachers really do seem to care. It's a private school and while that means special attention, it also means less accesibility for a lot of programs that are offered via the public system. In all honesty, the school can't do much more then they are but they are doing a lot. This year alone we've seen vast improvements. It's more so a matter of not being continued at home I think.
I hope you're right that she realizes the change in one week and sees that while, yes it is tiring to have to do, it is well worth the effort. She's truly mentally not stable and has some major issues. She's not a bad mom, they're clean and fed, etc. but she just doesn't have it in her to be a "great" mom and that's how we were raised in our family. While it comes 2nd nature to me, she just doesn't have the desire to put all that effort in motherhood. She prefers to put it into herself and the materialistic world.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Way to to...Team work! I think those little guys need to talk to their aunt more often, maybe you have to call them and talk about school and set up play dates with them. THey need a good influence in their life and it sounds like Mom is not it.
I think play dates would sound better to your sister then study dates or helping them.
1 person likes this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
3 Apr 07
We've tried that. She gets weird when we want to take them to do stuff. Not to sound strange but she wants to be the one that is invited to do things, not them. I know it sounds silly but it's the only way I can explain it. LOL
I'm hoping this is just a step in the right direction. We can hope.
@terriann (4450)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Your a good aunt.That was a very special thing you did for your nephews.I'm sure they want ever forget it.I pray your sister comes around and realizes the nice things that you and your mom did.Every child derserves a chance in life, and for someone like you to be there and to help them.They deserve an award.Congratulations to your nephews.Tell them to keep up the good work.I know your proud of them.
1 person likes this
@Sir_bobby88 (8231)
• Singapore
3 Apr 07
Well i do think it is great to be proud of your relative if only more childrens nowadays know how to spare a thought for their parents , the world will be more loving yea
@Mamaof2 (574)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
Sometimes the littlest things can bring such joy to our lives! I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was having a hard time at school...after working with her for weeks on end..she ended up being presented with a Teachers Award. I was so proud of her! Congrats for being a wonderful Aunty!
1 person likes this
