Okay, here is my situation...

United States
April 3, 2007 1:26pm CST
Me and my husband have been married for 2 years, but I can't lie. I have been with other men before him. Well, my hubby decided he wanted to start hanging out with his buddy from work that I had never met. He brought him home one day, and I went into shock. It was one of the men that I had been with, but only a one night stand. Of course, I kept my mouth shut, but do I remain quiet about it, or do I come out and tell my hubby? What would you do?
12 people like this
56 responses
@Myrrdin (3601)
• Canada
3 Apr 07
Well I would tell your husband, I mean what would happen if this guy tells him before you do. I am sure your husband knows you had been with other men before him, he's not an idiot is he?
3 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 07
You have a very good point.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 07
I'd only recommend saying something if you think you find a "right" time in which to do it, however I believe in the saying "What they don't know won't hurt them." It was in the past, and it was before you was which him so it really shouldn't be a problem. That's just my opinion. So I really wouldn't say anything about it, that's just my view though.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 07
Your view is my view too. I don't think I'll tell him, he is a jealous man.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Apr 07
i think you should not tell your husband about this if he will come to know about this then he would not like his friend and also you might loos respect a bit and also it was all before your marriage, so i dont think you need to worry about it at all
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
4 Apr 07
does that other guy remember or was he too drunk to remember you? how do think your husband would react? if he is reasonable, and this happened way before you and he were together, then tell him maybe. you are very cute, I doubt he would leave you
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Wow, tough one. I think I would just not say anything. It's not like it happened while you were married. I just don't see any reason to bring it up.
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
Tell him when it's appropriate...Is he a jealous guy? Then give him 100% assurance that there's nothing to be jealous of. Besides, that was water under the bridge. Past is past.
• United States
4 Apr 07
I would tell your husband, if you are upfront with him he will realize that you hold no feelings for the guy but if you keep it a secret then he might think that you still have a thing for him. Afterall, it was just a one night stand with someone before your husband, I would not think he would be upset.
@makingpots (11920)
• United States
4 Apr 07
I think you have to tell. It is one thing to say what happened in the past stays in the past, but this guy is now in your present. You HAVE to be the one to tell your husband, not this other guy, and god-forbid, not someone else who might end up hearing about it. If you are worried about what your husband might think of you having one night stands..... I think in this case you just humble yourself and let him say whatever he feels about it. He might, rightfully, feel threatened, hurt whatever.... let him have those feelings, don't be defensive and make sure in the end he knows that it is him you love.
@Robyn28 (384)
• Canada
4 Apr 07
Hi Jennifer I think not telling him always gets people in trouble I mean it's in the past he still needs to know though because the other guy might tell him which is worse hearing about from someone else and not you. I have a boyfriend and were very happy together I've told him about my past even though I'm ashamed of my past ,but I want to be honest and open with him and he is with me. For sure tell him it's better you telling him even if it was a open night and it was a mistake I think in life people make mistakes I have a few they were relationships mostly.
@TeeandMe (104)
• United States
4 Apr 07
I would tell my husband. Because my husband would be hurt to find out from the friend and he would think that I had something to hide if I didn't tell him.
• United States
4 Apr 07
I would tell your husband befor his buddy tells him. It will look alot better on your part if you come out and say it, plus you husband might hold u higher for having the courage to come out and say it.
@austere (2814)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
you better tell him before he will know it from his guy friend. That's going to make things worst!Anyways you knew the guy even before you knew your husband, so he should understand..:) wish you all the luck and courage! hope you could get things right before any trouble will arise!:)
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
4 Apr 07
did the buddy from work know who you were? if your husband knew that you were with other guys before him then i'd try to think of a way to tell him. but if the other man didn't remember you then maybe just let it go. its a tough call, the other guy probably wouldn't even mention it to your husband though.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
4 Apr 07
Does he think that u were a virgin when u 2 met? If not then I donĀ“t understand why you would not tell him. You had a life before your husband and it happend a long time ago. My main concern is that the friend will say soemthing and then it will be way, way worse for you when he finds out!
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
This is a though situation my dear. I must admit I was in the same situation years ago before my husband and I separated. But don't worry we didn't separated because of that "confession" moment. Well, I admitted to him that I have been out before with one of my friend in my neighborhood. Because I think he had noticed the man to have eyed me in a different way. He was so angry. He is the jealous type too. But I just laughed to his reaction and teased him so he won't think of it too seriously. And finally, he understood that it was way back before our marriage. But he made me promise not to talk to the guy ever. I even said, have you seen me talk to him? He replied No. (^^,LOL^^,) So may be it would be good to tell him but wait for the right time, the right mood and make it sound more like a past finished story or past joke maybe, not a guilty confession. You know the way it won't sound to heavy for him. And after many of your reassuring hugs and kisses he won't think about it anymore. Hope I have help you, even a bit. (^^,)
• Canada
4 Apr 07
Wow, that's a whole lot to take in. I mean what if you deepest thoughts and feelings have been very much supressed all this time until that moment. Speaking as a guy seduction can be a very heavy thing. For you, for him... you have to remember flirtation is a natural thing. Are you sure you can let this go? I'm sure this other guy, has had some flashbacks already! Some pleasant moments that were really good. Even if you do tell your husband, what do you think that'll do since he's prolly got little friends. If you tell him every man is a suspect! Thank you for this discussion, it brought back some fond memmories!!!
• India
4 Apr 07
Well I suppose you are confused.... confused because one side you are saying that you can't lie....seoncl side you are lying...!!! aren;t you cheating....? and by the way who in this world did not have some past realtions....I suppose your hubby is gonna live with your future and not with your past....in that case what i is supppose that the worst that could happen to u is that guy tells everything to your husband.... and I guess then u wouldn't be able to actually look at your husband into the eyes!!!! I guess it would be better if you yourself confess everything...without wasting any time further....
• India
4 Apr 07
Well as you said that you don't lie to him, so i think you should look for a good time and tell your husband about him frankly. Take him in good faith and if he really loves you then he will surely understand you. You should not be afraid and keep quiet just thinking that he would be jealous or what, but it will be much better than before he hears of truth from somewhere else. So dear Jenni...go on..have faith in God..tell the truth.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
4 Apr 07
well he knows you've been with other men before the marriage right? this is a very complicated situation cause if you will tell him that you slept with his buddy from work he will start comparing and probably will be jealous is there a possibilitty that this man does not remamber that you've been with him..i mean it was a while ago and only a one night stand so .. well i would have told the husband that i have been with his buddy a long time ago and only for a one night stand..it is better then he'll hear it from him and if he has a problem with that- he will have to get over it. i mean you havn't cheated on him or somthing right? it was before he met you.
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
Id tell my hubby.. better me telling him first... than the guy telling him. :)