My Fifteen Year Old Sister Has Been Sleeping With a Thirty Year old Married Man

April 3, 2007 2:21pm CST
Got home this afternoon to find yet another screaming row between my mum and my youngest sister, who is twelve years younger then me. Apparantly, mum found out that she has been sleeping with a thirty year old married man down the road. All night long there has been shouting and now the police have arrived, wanting to talk to my sister as its underage. I am totally sick and tired of my sister ruling, and causing trouble , in our house. Since she has hit the teenage years she has become spoilt, sulky and does whatever she wants. Now she has shattered a marriage as the wife has found out and came down to tell mum this morning what has been going on. I really want to leave but having been made redundant earlier this year don't have the money to. I just feel like I want to slap her around the face, but naturally can't. I'm so angry I can't even talk to her. Can our relatonship be repaired?
12 people like this
40 responses
@loved1 (5336)
• United States
3 Apr 07
What a terrible situation. It sounds like your sister must be very unhappy and probably needs some counseling. I hope that you are having your needs met while your parents are busy dealing with her problems. Give your sister some time and I am sure if you work at it you can rebuild a relationship with her. She probably just needs a little time to sort out her feelings and get some help. I hope your parents are planning to press charges against that man.
3 people like this
@vogelvrij (196)
• Netherlands
3 Apr 07
I think the only way your relationship with your sister can be repaired if you can stay out of it right now. You need to move out of the house. You say you dont have the money to get out of the house. Cant you just move in with a close friend of yours? Even its just for a couple of months? Maybe that just might clear up the sky a bit between the two of you. Ofcourse your 15 year old sister is doing nasty things, but that doesnt mean it have to ruin your relationship with her too. I dont know her inner motivation WHY she slept with the 30 year old married man. Is it because there is a lack of attention for her. Thats she is getting attention by doing so? I hope not. But maybe there will be more peace in the house if the houserules are set up and discussed at again. I hope things will work out for all of you!
3 Apr 07
She gets a lot of attention, as our mum is a stay at home mum so I dont think attention is a issue. She also goes visiting my dad relatives with him at weekends. I just can't work out why she did it. I really can't.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Apr 07
WOW, that's really scary!!! My sister did some crazy things as a teenager, but nothing THAT BAD. In ime she met a nice man who respected her for herself, and they got married. She came back around, and now we get along great!! I think all you can really do with your sister is wait it out. None of this is your fault, of course. Often it just takes time for people to calm down, and start walking on a safer path.
2 people like this
3 Apr 07
Thankyou DanishCanadian. I guess patience is the best thing but right now I'm too cross to even speak to her.
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@netski_15 (423)
• Philippines
3 Apr 07
There are really cases like yours. You may feel angry right now. Your age is so vulnerable to emotions that you are feeling. I'm sure in time you guys will get along again. We can never tell besides she's still your sister.
@nietske (199)
• Belgium
3 Apr 07
I don't know if a relationship with her older sister is something that's on her mind right now. Seems to me that she just might be acting out, she is at that age, 15is a nightmere! Mabybe it will get better if she gets older and hopefully wiser.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Apr 07
it will be hard only time will tell. Sounds like she needs to get her life in order before your relationship will work. You need to talk to her and find out why she is doing these things and maybe that can help you understand her more and get to the bottom of the problem
2 people like this
3 Apr 07
I think you need to give yourself time to calm down first. It is understandable that you are feeling the pain that your mum must be feeling in this situatin. However I think that if you sit down and talk to your sister you may well find out that she felt that she had a good reason to do what she did and you may be able to talk to her about it and help her not to make the same mistake again.
1 person likes this
3 Apr 07
Thankyou for all your comments. I'm new to Mylot and the advice given is wonderful. I think what is annoying me is when I was her age I had so much more responsibility. I was cooking for the family and doing my own washing and ironing and yet she gets everything done for her. She has brought shame onto the family and I'm terribly embarassed by her behavious as the wife in all this has told the whole neighbourhood. Mum and dad are talking to the police now, but as she is only about seven months till she is legal I dont think the matter will be pressed with the overworked police.
1 person likes this
3 Apr 07
I'm cross and pissed off. Jealous I'm certianly not!
1 person likes this
@healer (1783)
• India
4 Apr 07
Sorry to hear this shocking thing going on with your family, i am sure you are having a hard time. Be strong and talk with your sister i am sure she will understand and respect our feelings. Things like this happen sometimes but will be ok after sometime, your sister is very young and she is experiencing things in life. Hope things work out well in the end.
1 person likes this
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Yes, just give it some time and realzie she is only 15 and doesnt have all the sense that you do. She will learn from experiences and even if they are negative she will learn.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
4 Apr 07
I sympathize with your family. This girl needs a good old-fashioned dose of tough love. She is at that age where they don't want to listen to anyone. I don't know if they have boot camp where you live, but that would be my next option for her before she wrecks her life irrevocably.
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
4 Apr 07
I think your relationship with your sister will only be able to be repaired IF she wants it to AND only after she gets a grip....but I think in order for her to get a grip there needs to be some tough love in order....Your mum for starters needs to regain control of the home and your sister needs to be put in her place..KEEP IN MIND THOUGH chances are your sister will retaliate and could very well make some bad choices just out of spite and anger.... Is your mum going to press charges on this man??
4 Apr 07
We are all keeping a very close eye on her and now she is grounded for the foreseeable future. The police came around again today and charges have been made. The outcome who knows?
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Jeez...what a big ol' mess!! Well hang in there Citygirl....hopefully the right action will be taken and your sister can get whatever help she needs to get her head back on straight...I'll tell ya though, your family has their work cut out for them including you...stay strong though...
4 Apr 07
Thanks Ravenlady! I have good people around me so that's cool.
@salsen (108)
• Turkey
4 Apr 07
I think that's a very critical point in your sister's life. She may not be aware how serious what she has been doing. there might be some reasons in her deeper mind and i guess she needs a professional help. As you're her family, you should try to help her but with an expert. I hope you overcome these difficulties soon!
4 Apr 07
Thankyou all for your help and support. We are hoping this are making any issues come to the forefront so that this behaviour wont' be repeated.
@4cuteboys (4102)
• United States
4 Apr 07
YES! Your relationship can be repaired, don't throw your relationship with your sister out of the window because she has made some not so good choices as a teen. Most people, and I have for sure, have made dumb, stupid, careless reckless choices in teenage years. I had lots of struggles as a teenager. It's sad that the wife had to find out and all, but really it's just as much the married man's fault, if not more so since he is 30 and also he is the one that was married. I am sorry for your stress! You are just an innocent bystander, but try and keep thinking that eventually it will be out of her system and she'll calm down and things will be better for everyone.
4 Apr 07
I do love her so much, I guess if I didn't then I would of got so mad. I just want to make sure she is safe and no one hurts her. And I think she has some responsibility to look after herself also. I am just cross really she has put herself in such a awkward position.
@carlena1 (120)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Very troublesome sitiation. i did something similiar to what your sister is doing at fifteen, but I was a teenage runaway- and unfortunately I am the oldest. Your sister really needs you to express your dislike for this pedifile on a continuos bases- sorry I know it will cause frustration in your relationship, but it is obviously your calling at this point. Mum must seek help from local authorities fast!!!! This so- called man has an an evil-rooted intention of raising your sister for his own evil purposes. He will destroy her innocence, her moral, her credit, her chances of eveer having a childhood. Wow, I don't even speak to my mother now because she was so passive when that montser came after me. You know looking back ( 34 now ) I realise I was seeking attention from her all along. Because she wouldn't give me a fighting chance he went on to destroy my youth. Please remain diligent in saving yor lil sis.My prayers are with you all.
4 Apr 07
Thankyou for your comment, carlena. It was brave to write about it. We are all here for my sister and even now the annoyance has calmed down and I just feel so sorry for her. I have told her I am here for her if she so needs. My parents are my sister are dealing with the police regarding what will happen with this man. But also at the same time, my heart goes out to the wife of this man also.
@jarves (814)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
I think your sister has a psychological problem. Maybe she just wants attention, meybe she lack attention from your family, maybe no one was there to guide her that she ended up doing wrong things, you should talk to her. Clear things up.
4 Apr 07
This is the thing though we have ALL tried to spend time with her but she either ducks out of it to go out with her friends, or if she is with us she looks and acts bored. She had a whole lot more attention from our parents then me and my older sister ever did and yet it never seems to be enough.
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
4 Apr 07
My question is, why isn't that predatory pedophile in prison? He is a criminal and has no business roaming the streets free. You said the police have been called. Have they been told about the problem, or by the time they got there did you all agree to just tell them about the domestic problems? Your sister is being raped and her rapist needs to be thrown in prison for a very long time.
4 Apr 07
The police have been told. We are waiting on what is happening with them.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
4 Apr 07
I can totally understand your disappointment in your little sister. From what you've said it sounds like she has a stable household and there is no excuse for her behavior. When I was 17 I had an affair with a married man. I remember when my mom found out, she called me a homewrecker and all sorts of other things. I saw this man years later and thouht "what was I thinking?" In my case, and maybe in your little sisters case the reason I did it was simply because I could. It was exciting, it made my friends listen, and it made me feel like I was better than his wife. Pretty disgusting looking back on it. As far as your relationship with her, you do need to cool down. But when you do you need to tell her how disappointed you are, but that you are there for her when she decides she wants to turn it around. This man is really despicable for taking advantage of a 15 year old girl, he had to have known how impressionable she is at that age.
4 Apr 07
Thanks soccermom. Your right on the money! She hasn't done it because she's lacking attention because she isn't. She's done it because she wanted to. That is what made me so cross. Thanks for your reply.
1 person likes this
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
4 Apr 07
She might have some things going on in her life right ow she cannot handle. she need to find some form of help, professionaly if you have tried and your mom, and its not working. Find out what made her turn to this man for affection.i think that in time working and trying to understand her, your relatioship will heil. be there for her and not against her.
• India
4 Apr 07
that is a hellish situation.... I know but I guess...anger and rage....are definitely not gonna be a solution to this problem.--neither is ur slap gonna help...but may be ur talks can!!! i guess she needs to be relaxed and talked with....if u think u can read her up by talking to her,....or if ur mom can ask her to....or u may take a counselor's help...but first try to figure out what actaully is going in her mind...??? there might be something already wrong with her...some complex or something huh?? but before u actually start thinking of what u gotta do for her....calm up urself...ur mom even had a greater trauma....make her relaxed....u understand and tell this to ur mom also to realsie that after all she is only 15,...an age very vulnerable for such avctivites and mistakes....if she committed one..its not the end of life....still the ones who making talks of it...who seeing u waith raised brows and everyone else matter least...and she as a family member matter most.....think that way and then decide--- what u actually gotta do for it?
• India
4 Apr 07
it happens in teenage years... a person just doesn't know what's right and what's wrong... just try to support her emotionally so that she doesn't break down... at the same time do try to make her understand that the world won't move according to her wishes... it's a very sad time for your family and that man's but as long as you all stick together then it will all be ok one day too... :) take care and i hope that everything gets better...