Baby shower etiquette

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I am throwing a baby shower for my long time friend of 30 years.She is expecting her first child at the age of 41.This other girl and myself have been planning and getting so excited about this upcomming shower.I was about to order the invitations and on one of the samples it showed where the person was registered.So I called my friend and asked if she had any idea of where she was going to registered,she then informed me that she wasnt going to register and that she wanted me jto put a note in with the invitations saying that her and her husband would really like a camcorder,so just to write a check to help purchase it.I THINK THAT IS SO RUDE!!!!!!! She said that is what some friends did for her bridal shower,which I guess isnt so bad for a bridal shower....BUT..... The reason to throw someone a baby shower is to get them started.You need so much for your first baby(I dont think she has a clue) I wanted to do this for my Friend, make this special to celebrate her pregnancy and the upcomming birth of her baby.Not to take all this time, energy and MONEY (oh I have to fly to the shower,we live in different states) to have people come and bring a check.I just cant do it, I feel it would be a reflection on me and I feel it is very wrong.People come to see the Mother open baby gifts an ohhh an awwww over things.When I said to her"do you ever realiz what you will need she said" yeah Sean and I will get it.Why dosent she and Sean buy their own camcorder and let the shower be a shower!!! Im really upset over this and am thinking of backing out!! Yeah I know it sounds rude...maybe I just need to calm down and get some advice.I was thinking of writing a letter.What should I do?????