What Do You Look For In a Friend?
By Darkwing
@Darkwing (21583)
April 6, 2007 7:54am CST
I have made many friends on the Internet, and most of them have stayed, loyal and by my side. The first of these friends I met six years ago, in a Pogo games room and we are still constantly in touch, even though I haven't met her personally yet. She's invited me to Florida to stay at her house with her and her family and keeps nagging me to go. lol. However, I haven't yet made a decision as far as this is concerned because I have several friends spread across the United States, and one of them told me I can get a bus ticket which lasts a month and travel between friends. Of course, I would love to do this... but it needs some organising. In fact, it would be nice to have a big get-together between all of us.
I have visited one friend in the States, in Oregon, two years ago. I stayed in Salem, Oregon, for four weeks and thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the area, and would like to go back someday. But, I feel I should visit some of the other friends as well, before I go back there.
In England, I have met a few of my lovely friends, and am going to meet another later this month.
So, I was wondering... what do you look for in a friend? I look for honesty, trust, reliability, caring, sharing and the ability to converse at an intelligent and witty level. Friends will also be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, or encouragement and advice, as you will for them, whatever the situation. Do you agree with this? Do you select your friends to a certain spec? Do you look for the same as me, or do you have different ideals?
4 people like this
21 responses
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
6 Apr 07
I look for the very same things you do and I need to know that we have common interests as well. I've made a few friends from the internet, but most of my friends I've made just through my daily life like work or through my place of worship.
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
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6 Apr 07
Hi Watchit and thank you very much for your rapid response. Yes, I have a few friends around me as well, in my village. In fact, there are not many people in the village I don't know, or get on with. lol.
It's good to have friends in different areas of our lives, like work, your place of worship, etc. These, as you say, are usually people who share your interests of course, and it's nice to meet them outside the daily environment.
I also find that internet friends are very special, as you can make friends all over the world, and it makes your time in the home more varied. I never get too lonely, as there is quite often some friend or another online, and they are all so different.
Thanks again for your response. Brightest Blessings for a Very Happy Easter.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
6 Apr 07
Yes Darkwing I do agree with you there as no doubt you know I do
I look for the same things and my Friends here have it and that includes you
Hmmmmm I am also meeting one of my Friends from later this month, she is coming to see me
Actually it is a week on Tuesday that she will be arriving.
But yes I treasure my Friends and to be honest I never knew that there was still such Friends and caring People about.
Love and Hugs
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
7 Apr 07
I don't think friendship could be expressed in a better way than you put it. Honesty, trust, reliability, loyalty and mutual respect are essential in any relationship. Caring and sharing, rejoicing or mourning together, encouraging, advising and challenging are all necessary ingredients.
While the majority of my best friends are brothers and sisters in Christ, and we share so much in common in our faith, encouraging one another, I also have many friends who are not Christian. As long as there is mutual respect for each other, for who each is as a person, there can still be GENUINE friendship. Christians do not have the monopoly on the qualities cited as the basis for friendship.
Yes, I have made some good friends on myLot (my only experience with the internet) and I would dearly LOVE to meet some of them. Before my time here, I "rubbished" the idea of internet friendships, and while I admit I would still be very hesitant about meeting some, I have had to change my thinking on the whole concept. I have very special feelings for a handful of friends I've met.
Gabs posted a discussion on fulfilling our dreams, and we ended up concluding the best dream would be to have a garden party with all our myLot "special" friends. Of course, Gissi would be the star attraction. Wouldn't it be wonderful?
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Lol... it might bring me back to my senses standing on my head for a while. Yes, I suppose you're right. There's always a gazebo to keep the draught off. lol. We could have a brazier with a fire in it, as one of my friends does at his barbecue birthday. That would be quite cosy!
You're making me quite yearn for this garden party, my friend!
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
I echo your sentiments about different religions and cultures getting on together. No one is better, or more right than any of the others and people have the right to choose what they believe and what they feel comfortable with, without interruption or degradation. I couldn't have said that better myself, Cloud. I have friends in all manner of religions... their faith is, in the main, private and their own affair.
A garden party sounds fantastic, but I think it might have to be in your part of the World, as it gets a bit chilly here after a certain time. It would be great to get everybody together though, just as I would like to do in the States, but it does take a bit of organisation to get everybody in one place at the same time.
Thank you very much for a wonderful response, my friend. Some excellent points in there, and good quality. Brightest Blessings.
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
7 Apr 07
But if it was over here, Gissi wouldn't be able to come! It will have to be over there! Besides, more of you are over there now - or over that way, anyway. Canada and Sweden are closer to you than they are to me. No one wants to come here and be upside down!!!
@Leedsrbest1973 (127)
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13 Apr 07
I look for somebody who enjoys the same pastimes as I do, like ten pin bowling, watching football, cricket and a good old chat. I need them to be there for me in times of trouble and times of joy and I need to be there for them, in the same way. I have to have trust, honesty and loyalty. Those attributes are a must.
I have quite a number of friends who each have most of these qualities, but only one or two have them all. These are my 'close' friends.
@monkeywriter (2004)
• United States
7 Apr 07
First off believe it or not they dont gotta be a christian. I have a few friends who arent believers at all, or have things going on that arent what I believe in. I still love them all the same!
They have to be trust worthy. Both keeping my trust and being honest and true.
Gotta have a sense of humor even if its just enough to get my odd kind.
Be kind, be caring, but also be willing to listen to me or feel like you can let me listen to you.
A shoulder to cry on. I hope I am the best of friends with you as you are to me.
I dont have many friends btw that I can do all this with. I have two, my sister and my one best girl friend. None other. I had a guy friend but a year ago he recked things. Now its just 2 left. Sad but true. I love new people and friends are great!
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Hi Monkeywriter and thank you for a great response. What you've explained in detail here, is what I consider as sharing and caring for one another, through good times and bad and certainly a desired quality in friends. I'm sorry to hear you don't have too many friends re happy that way. For sure, we all have different outlooks on life.
Yes, I agree, religion should play not part in friendship. If you know and like somebody from a different religion, all the better. One of you sometimes has the answer the other needs, which makes it all the more interesting. I'm a firm believer in everybody having a choice and being allowed to believe and do what they feel comfortable with. If only more could do that, the World would be a better place. We might even get so far as to find World peace.
I stray... thank you once again for a terrific response to my discussion and Brightest Blessings to you and your friends. :-)
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Hi Monkeywriter and thank you for a great response. What you've explained in detail here, is what I consider as sharing and caring for one another, through good times and bad and certainly a desired quality in friends. I'm sorry to hear you don't have too many friends but hey... maybe you're happier that way. For sure, we all have different outlooks on life.
Yes, I agree, religion should play not part in friendship. If you know and like somebody from a different religion, all the better. One of you sometimes has the answer the other needs, which makes it all the more interesting. I'm a firm believer in everybody having a choice and being allowed to believe and practice what they feel comfortable with. If only more could do that, the World would be a better place. We might even get so far as to find World peace.
I stray... thank you once again for a terrific response to my discussion and Brightest Blessings to you and your friends.:-)
@jaywhiting (560)
• Australia
7 Apr 07
I look for people that i can trust and that i know will always be there for me no matter what. If i went to a different country and come back, the true friends would be the ones that didnt stop trying to communicate to me because i was away. Loyalty and trust all the way.
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Nice response Jay. Hi again! Yes, it's great when you know friends will always be there on the other end of the phone when you're away. They'll keep you company and support you when things go wrong. A good point.
Thank you for your response and brightest blessings.
@happybabe (206)
• China
7 Apr 07
"Honesty,trust,reliability,caring,sharing and the ability to converse at an intelligent and witty level."That's also what I want in a friend.However,I don't think it's easy to get them all.Do you think so?Maybe you can have many friends,but I don't think most of them can give you everything that you want in a friend.
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
You're young yet, Happybabe. You'll find you don't have to look too hard for friends with the qualities you desire. If you, yourself, have those qualities within yourself, sooner or later similar people will come into your life and you'll have friends you can trust and rely upon.
Brightest blessings and many thanks for your response.
@Bizziebod (3497)
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7 Apr 07
First of all I would urge you to go over and meet up with these friends as that sounds like it would be a trip of a lifetime! I have a few friends around me, although I only have one 'best' friend who I can rely on 100% with anything, even to put her two penneth worth in! I think all the qualities you have stated are important to me but alot of my friends have more going for them than others and none have anything in common! Some are intelligent, witty but lack reliability and caring skills, some are really caring, honest and funny but lack intelligence (sounds harsh I know) Some are good time girls and one of my friends is the oldest one I have and probably have not alot in common anymore but still keep in touch. It's good to have a variety of friends but also it's valuable to me to have my one best friend with whom I know I can talk about absolutely anything! Brightest Blessings!
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Yes, it would be a trip of a lifetime if I could get them all together, or a number of them at least. Some are perhaps, unable to travel too far, but these could be visited individually. It would certainly fulfill a big desire for me. The guys in Florida have a yacht, and live on the panhandle, across the road from Fort Walton Beach. There is a small, uninhabited island in the Bay of Mexico, which they sail across to sometimes, and have a barbecue, just the two of them. That sounds fantastic to me, and I know it will interest you, your having your own boat and loving the sea so much. :-)
I agree that although you think it sounds harsh, friends do differ and unfortunately each invariably is lacking in some quarter but you can usually make the best of what they're lacking and if you know they have some of the qualities you hope to find in them, then friendships can be sustained. There is always the best friend, but I have difficulty sometimes in separating them. I have one male and one female best friend right now, but as I say, there's not a lot in it.
Thank you so much for such a detailed and quality response, Bizzie. Take care and Brightest Blessings to you.
1 person likes this
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
I have maintained a very close relationship with 2 of my best friends for years. The three of us practically grew up together, knew each other's families and there's no more secrets left for us. With all the trials and complications we went through, we make sure that our presence are known.
I made my first online friend here at mylot. Although, its hard to say yet if I can be able to entrust online friend fully. I'm still trying to figure them out and hoping to see if we we're attuned to each other. Its hard to say for online friends. As all you can see are their avatars. :)
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
That's great, Charms, childhood friends are valuable in life. You do manage to get through all the trials and tribulations with loyal friends beside you.
I'm not sure that what you say about Internet friends is right, as I have seen all of mine on cam, followed through by pics in the mail, and most of them have seen me. Those who hide behind avatars constantly, are not trustworthy. I have even visited a few of my online friends and some are due to visit me... at the moment, four of them, and these have been friends for a fair few years, so I know I'm safe.
Thank you for your response, Charms, and brightest blessings to you.
@ltt330326 (68)
• China
7 Apr 07
most of my friend were married...i fell so loneyly...sometimes. i chatting with people on the internet..but they all not by my side,now they all had belonged to own family,also has the child,i don't want to disturb them .thereupon i like accessing the net,like and come from different national friend to chat..this is my life...i enjoy...
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Yes Ltt.. it does leave a bit of a hole when your friends get married and have children, and you lose touch, but quite often you meet up again after a while and get to renew the friendships, if they're loyal enough to look you up.
It's good you have your internet friends to chat to and keep you company through these times. If you're enjoying their company, that's the way to go.
Thank you for your response and brightest blessings.
@chenvstony (365)
• China
7 Apr 07
I think every one want to a friend who is honesty,trust,reliability,caring sharing and so on.I think trust is the most important thing between friends and we can't be selfish,then at least we can get along well,which is that least thing for friends.
@juliaandrea_a (349)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
Friends are treasures. I look for a friend that is sincere in his acts, words and gestures... I don't care if he has bad moods what I want is I see his/her good and bad side. A friend that is caring, thoughtful and loving. I can cry onto his/her shoulders and even if we have no communication for such a long time he/she will always there for me whenever I need him.
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Yes, that's quite true. If you, yourself possess the qualities you seek in friends, then those friends will come to you and be honest trustworthy and reliable back.
There is a saying that you have to love yourself before others can love you. That's quite true.
I wish you many friends... brightest blessings and thank you for your response.
@Icarus86 (1)
• Italy
7 Apr 07
In a friend I try to find three qualities:
1)loyalty
2)complicity
3)claity
I entrust in this person blindly, without doubts: he is a person that is present when I ask help to him, in every moment.
For these reason I think that real friends are rarer than black diamonds, and if you discover some of them, you must try to hold him narrow, to save one of most fantastic emotion in the world
1 person likes this
@raphael_volts (1131)
• India
6 Apr 07
Really I look for all waht you have stated yourself... I mean.. reliability, honesty atleast to each other, sharing, caring, trust, somewhat same nature of thoughts or atleast an intelligent mind and ability to know when to speak and what to speak.
I love my friends.. though I haven't met lot of them for quite a while now but I surely miss being with them.
Any Ways
Take Care
May GOD Bless YOU
1 person likes this
@chalanash (59)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
the one thing you should look for a friend should be honest and somebody you could rely on....i have friends from the net & we've been friends for almost 2yrs now. we still keep in touch....
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@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
7 Apr 07
I too have made many friends on the 'net and met quite a few of them over the last few years too.
My closest friend is a lady I met in a Pogo game room like you a few years back, and she is wonderful. She is loyal, open, honest, trusting, and we've been there for each other through thick and thin. We haven't met personally yet, but she is planning on traveling up to BC for my Wedding next year.
After issues with a girl I considered a good friend a year back, I've lost a lot of my trust for 'net friends. I feel that I have to meet them in person to form a proper opinion of them.
In friendship, I don't ask for a lot. Honesty and trust is an absolute must though. I like to have a shoulder to cry on and someone who will understand where I'm coming from where a male would fail to understand.
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Hi Rugrat. It's great to hear that you have found so many good friends on the internet as well. A coincidence too, that you met the closest one in a Pogo game room too. lol.
There are those who let you down, but if they're going to do it, there's not much you can do to stop them, even if you meet them, so I don't think meeting in person is an absolute must. You can't be everywhere, can you.
I have a friend in BC, (another coincidence) and she's saving to come to England next year, so we will meet up then, together with her man. I'm looking forward to that. She has been a really good friend despite the fact she has had to work through a few troubles herself over the past three or four years.
Yes, honesty and trust on both parts are definitely a core requirement and like you, I think most of us needs a shoulder to cry on from time to time. This is when your friends show their true colours. :-)
Thank you for an excellent response and brightest blessings to you.
@lilyoungfella (1196)
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
Someone who is worthy of my trust and loyal. I know that i'll be having a hard time looking for it! lolz
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Hi Lily... I don't think you need to actually look for those qualities. Sooner or later somebody will happen along with whom you gel instantly and bingo! You'll have the first friend with the qualities you're looking for. It's not hard to find really... if you are loyal yourself and show them what you expect back, it'll work out... believe me. There's a saying along the lines that you have to learn to love your inner self before you can love and be loved, and that's not a bad practice.
Thank you for your response and brightest blessings.
@jynxypanda (394)
• Philippines
6 Apr 07
It's great that you have great internet friends! I look for trust, care, responsible, reliability and of course they have to know how to have fun and when to be serious. Friends should be able to understand you and accept all your faults while helping you to correct them. We don't have to meet all the time, all that matters is that we care for each other.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
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6 Apr 07
Hi Jynxy! I agree with most of what you say except perhaps about the faults? What your friend sees as a fault, may not seem a fault to you, and I think they need to accept you as you are, if they wish to be a friend. They shouldn't try to correct the faults they think you have. Different if you recognise you have a fault and ask them the best way to correct it... then fine.
Yes, I do have some really great, and longstanding internet friends as well as some newer ones I met on Mylot, but they are all worth their weight in gold and very supportive of me.
Thank you for your response and brightest blessings.
@jeanjean (11)
• Canada
7 Apr 07
I look for a friend who are very sincere and sensitive to his friends feelings. A good listener and not self centered one. I like to make friends that have similar interests that I have. Great friends are hard to find. I don't have a lot. Sigh.
@Darkwing (21583)
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7 Apr 07
Hey Jean... it doesn't hurt to have a few really good, close friends rather than a whole heap of less sincere ones. I agree with your comment that similar interests are important and sincerity is a must.
Thank you for your response and brightest blessings to you and yours. :-)
