Husband&wife find out they have same father.They have 2 kids.What to do?

@raydene (9874)
United States
April 6, 2007 5:13pm CST
This is absolutely true.You know how people say that reality is stranger then fiction...well here's a case for you. This couple that I know very well have been married close to 20 years happily and have 2 children.Both children had alot of birth defects and have had a number of health problems through the years.The oldest is a freshman in high school and the younger is in 6th grade...As I said they have been ill alot their whole lives and have been through all kinds of tests,operations,etc.. Recently one child had to have something done that required one of his parents to donate a body part so extensive test with dna was done. When the tests came back the dna showed that the parents were siblings... Now it comes out that the father of both was a bit of a ladies man and never admitted fathering someone elses son and didn't even come forward when his daughter started dating this man that was his son and never said a thing and here they are married with 2 unfortunate children born with all these problems.. Say you found out tomorrow that your mate is your brother/sister what do you do?And there's the children?Tell them or not?Do you get out of the relationship and not look back or stay.. This couple is a very sweet ,loving couple that work hard and spend every spare minute with their kids.They are always vollenteering with kids sports and scouts and anything else the kids want to do... I just don't know what I'd do.I don't think I could throw my marriage out.But then I don't know if I could ever again lie down beside my husband if he was my brother...My God what would you do?
14 people like this
45 responses
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
6 Apr 07
It would be hard, for sure but if I was married I would stay married, I just would make sure I never had any more children. If I wasn't married I probably would break up as hurtful as it would be.
8 people like this
@weemam (13377)
6 Apr 07
This is a hard one Raydene
@raydene (9874)
• United States
6 Apr 07
My heart breaks for these two..well for the family and her father is an A5S to not tell all these years.It just feels overwhelming to think about all this!And so many people know..stuff like this spreads like wild fire...I feel so bad for them.. xoxxo
4 people like this
@lightningMD (5932)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I think it is a tragic situation and shame on the father for not owning up to the fact before things went so far...but after 20 years and having children involved i guess i'd stay together take care of my kids and raise them to reach their full potential in life..i'm not sure i'd ever speak to my father again though...
6 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I couldn't leave my husband. He means everything to me. So here is what I THINK I would do. (I can't say DEFINITELY because I have never personally dealt with something so heart wrenching) First, I would find the meanest, most powerful attorney that I could and I'd rake that so-called father through the coals. I'd make sure HE had to pay all past, present and future medical bills for those children as well as pain and suffering for me and my husband. Second: I would pick up my family and move far, far away where there was no hope of anyone ever finding out that I was married to my brother. I wouldn't do that for myself, I would do it for my children because other children, especially in small towns, can be incredibly cruel. When the children were old enough emotionally, I would tell them the truth. They need to know. Their children could have birth defects as well and they need to be prepared in case the disabilities have the chance of reaching the next generation. I would have extensive genetic testing done on my children to try to prevent future illness due to their parents being related. And I would pray. I don't think I would ever stop. My heart goes out to these people. They have a rough road ahead of them.
6 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
7 Apr 07
Hi RebbeccaLynn,You have put alot of thought in your response.You've made some good suggestions also..I also think I'd have to move..I wouldn't be able to stay..
3 people like this
@emeraldisle (13143)
• United States
6 Apr 07
OMG I feel for this couple and their children. I cannot imagine being in that situation. Their father should be strung up for not having stepped forward twenty years before hand. There is no excuse for him not to have. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. Obviously they don't have the bond of brother and sister but still I don't think I could handle staying married once I knew. I don't know though. After 20 years of marriage I don't think I could just end it either. It's a tough situation and I wish no one ever had to be put into it.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
7 Apr 07
I think that they should have counseling and then decide what to do. Although the truth is usually the best policy, if I were one of these people I would not tell my children that their parents were siblings as they don't need to know this. Also, if it were me and I truly loved my husband I don't know if I could just leave him or agree to split up. After all. none of this is their fault. The father should have told them that there was a possibility that they were dating relatives. And so should the mothers. It is a very tragic situation with no easy answers.
5 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
7 Apr 07
Oh,I think that counseling is a great idea but knowing this couple I doubt if that will happen.I will update as I hear.
2 people like this
@kathy77 (7487)
• Australia
7 Apr 07
Oh yes this can happen as I had a close friend of mine that had been adopted out and when she went to work for the welfare system she looked into her own family history and discovered that she was married to her own brother, she felt so dirty but when she told me as I asked her where was her husband that day she explained to me and I told her that it was not her fault as she did not know. They divorce after many years of a happy marriage due to this but luckily the children never had any defects. But I am happy that it never happened to me as I don't know what I would do apart from ending the marriage.
@raydene (9874)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I was wondering about adopted people...This may have happened alot and no one would ever know....I don't think I'd want to know...
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Apr 07
Hi. I once saw an episode in the T.V. show HOUSE M.D., where the girl and her boyfriend found out that they were siblings. That was a very devastating shock to have somebody else tell you that the person you are living with/married to is your brother/sister. I cannot begin to imagine the way both couples now look at each other. As what one of the physicians said, it doesnt matter that you are both biologically related, you were not raised as siblings and as such there is nothing wrong with what you feel and have for each other if only you can both overcome this. Tongues will never stop wagging as long as they are together in their place. Living their life in a new place might be better if they decide to stick it out. I feel for the children. This is maybe where the importance of a blood test before marriage comes in I guess. I have alays wondered why before one can get married a blood test is always required. Now I know. So how are they now? I do hope they can resolve everything especially with the kids. I wont thank you for this post..lol. I just read your post about thanking. Or is that just when commenting. Well anyhow since I am new here better be safe than sorry. My prayers to your friends. Have a great day.
@raydene (9874)
• United States
7 Apr 07
You can thank someone but when doing so be sure you write a sentence or two with it. It's a tough time these two are going to have..
2 people like this
@vicky19810 (1601)
• China
7 Apr 07
oh friend,it is a terrible story,that i can not believe it at all.how can this matter happen in real life?my god.but for me ,i really do not know how to do in future.:(
3 people like this
• Canada
7 Apr 07
Ohhhh my .... My heart goes out to that couple. The father should be strung up! How could he allow the two of them to date knowing that they were siblings and then marry - not to mention having kids? This would absolutely devastate me. I would definitely tell the children though. They have a right to know and if the story ever broke, it's best that they know so they're prepared. As much as it pains me to say this, I think I would continue the relationship as husband and wife. As far as I'm concerned we ARE husband and wife you know. It's far too late now to try and have a brother/sister relationship when you're already married to each other and have children together. I could not give up the relationship I already have to try and develop another one with the same person.
1 person likes this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
7 Apr 07
It would be so hard to carry on ..I mean you would be thinking of it when you enter the bedroom..I also couldn't throw my marriage away but going forward would be tough too
@rubypatson (1842)
• India
7 Apr 07
Terrible and cant believe these things happen, I am sorry for the couple, Imagine their shock when they found out
1 person likes this
@hestee (250)
• Nigeria
7 Apr 07
The situation is really terrible especially for the kids moreso with the health problems they are going through. My advice is for everything to come to the open. The kids need to be told after all it was not the fault of the parents. The marriage cannot continue it is incest and as such not right.They can still continue to show love and care to the children even without remaining as husband and wife.
1 person likes this
@kukkad (511)
• India
7 Apr 07
Sure thing. Its would be like the heavens breaking down on the couple. Their father is the culprit. He should have been a man enough to tell out the truth. The guy's a shame. But.... we cannot reverse things. The couple have been married for 20 years now. I think they should not look back. They should remain married. And, maybe....... they should strike back that that "Hell of their father" by proving that he knew that they both were his children....... and then file was a "Law suit"......... a law suit which is enough to makes the guy "Bankrupt"
@ANITA2412 (117)
• India
7 Apr 07
i am really sorry for this couple!but they have spent almost 20 years as husband and wife!so no one should even expect them to get into a brother sister kind of relation!a relation is what you feel for the person and not that is pronounced by the whole world!its feeling, a mutual understanding between two individuals.if a guy likes some girl and if that girl treats him like a brother then there's nothin anyone can do!you have to just accept it and live with it!anyways they are not in the fault so why should they suffer?but i reallly feel sad for their children!its just because of their father that their children have to suffer this!i suggest thta they should stay with each other for their rest of their lives as husband and wife and noo ways even think of splitting!its only because they ame to know about this unfortunate thing that they know else they would be always happy as husband and wife!so they should forget this incident but surely give a piece of mind to their evil and wicked father if he's alive!
1 person likes this
@rohit55_56 (2300)
• India
7 Apr 07
wow.....exeption.....tehy have too live like husband and wife ....now also
1 person likes this
@Rasnie (1137)
• Indonesia
7 Apr 07
It would be very hard for them, but everything has happened & they didn't know it at the first time if I am in their position I will not release our happy marriage.
1 person likes this
• Australia
7 Apr 07
I feel so sorry for this young couple. But the fact is, this is beyond their control. If it was me I would stay with my husband, love my children and get on with my life.
10 Apr 07
Goodnesss. I don't know what to say. I feel so much sympathy for the two people and their children. I wonder though where they stand in the eyes of the law. Is their marraige still considered legally binding? It might be worth mentioning at some stage. There would be nothing worse than something happening to one of them later on in life and the other having to go through the whole legal process then. Society is cruel and I'm guessing they are going to be judged very harshly even though it was no fault of their own. As long as you are there for them I don't see that there is much else you can do.
• Singapore
10 Apr 07
Gosh. I feel so sorry for them. What and irresponsible father they have!! Sheesh. I guess I'd still continue with the marriage if i were them, but I wouldn't have any more children. It's not their fault at all. And I don't see why they should end their marriage if they have loved each other for 20 years and still do. Well, but i guess I can't say for all. It depends on how well they are taking all this, i guess. if they have major problems seeing each other as man and wife then maybe they should break up the marriage. But if not (which i think is probably the case), just continue as they have for the past 20 years. I wish them all the best.
@anine19 (134)
• Philippines
10 Apr 07
just continue their life as husband and wife, just remember, we are all siblings... cause we are all product of adam and eve...