Being a single mom

single moms - facing the future alone
@maxen7 (54)
Philippines
April 7, 2007 10:46pm CST
I'm currently pregnant with my first and now that my family knows about it, they've still accepted me, my dad commenting that he prefered that there's no father at all. With a sigh of relief, I'm now hoping that everything would turn out okay even if I don't have a partner to help me raise my child. But what would I tell my kid if suddenly he or she asks where his or her dad is? What if I suddenly decided that I still need to be in a relationship? Will I be enough for my kid?
10 people like this
29 responses
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
when i was 18 i got pregnant and i was left by my boyfriend. i am already married right now and my love child is already 4 years old. she's already asking me who is her father...at first it was hard for me to tell her,but i prayed God to help me.. now i tell her when you grow older,when the time comes you will meet him and someday you will understand why you are not together. someday darling youll understand mama why she and your dad are not meant for eachother. i just thank God that my husband love her also and accepted her in our family. Ill pray that you will find someone who will accept what happened to you... someday your kid will understand you do not fret..pray and God will give you the right reasons and God will tell the right time. Be in constant connection with God...be strong Good luck with your pregnancy...welcome to parenting.GOD BLESS
• United States
8 Apr 07
There maybe a time she will never want to meat her real dad because she will understand that her real dad is the man who loves her and is married to her her mom
• Philippines
23 Jun 07
Maxen, at first I was afraid once my parents know that I got pregnant eventhough the father of my child didn't leave me nor forsake me. I did not tried to tell them both about my situation but as what the saying says, we can't keep anything for long, my parents know about it and my mother immediately come to the city to see us both. Though we are both afraid to face my mother and uncle we still keep the courage to face them. They gave us one week to decide wether to get marriued or separate our ways off. my boyfriend is ready to marry me not because i get pregnant but because we both love each other but i refuse to do so because i wanna try the relationship without any commitment to test how hard we are in holding on with our relationship and for our child. My parents and my uncle get mad and don't want us to be together but we keep it from them that we are living together. I suffered birthdays, Christmas and New year away from them. They are always calling me and said that they want me to come home and be with them in those occassions but I did not follow them. Until I deliver my baby. 3 days of suffering from pain without anyone at your side becuase your companions cannot get inside the labor room. I have mixed emotions at that time but i prefered to keep quiet and pray silently that God will help me deliver the baby in a safe condition. At last i brought him out to the world. A healthy baby boy. The following day I received a call from my mom telling me to come home the moment I recovered from that delivery. They now both accpet us and now my baby is with them. Though we miss him we ease ourselves because we want to work for his future. Now Maxen, don't be afraid that u'll find someone or u decide to be in a relationship again because if the guy that u will love next to the father of your baby will accept and willingly be the father of your baby you need not worry but I must warn u just a piece of advice, BE CAREFUL IN CHOOSING THE GUY. If you decide to be alone forever with your kid don't worry because you are not just enough for your kid but you are too much for him/her because i know in the first place that you are not only give him/her your love but everything that a mother could give to her kid. Don't be afraid to face what's ahead of you in that condition because you are not alone in your journey Maxen, God's best gift is with you, you are actually bringing it in your tummy and that's what you must think always NEVER ALLOW ANYBODY TO HURT YOUR BABY have a nice day Maxen.... Hope I have shared you my story.
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
You can handle that if you are still responsible parent to your child soon, but if you think that you need the security of being a mother, dont waste your time to choose the best partner...
• United States
12 Jun 07
I had the same worries when I was pregnant, but now that shes here, and I've had some time, I dont worry so much. There will be a day when you have to explain why everyone else has a daddy...and that day will probably break your heart, but if you choose your words carefully it doesnt have to break his/hers. I rest assured in the knowledge that when she grows up, she will know who was there for her, and I have all the faith in myself that I can give her a wonderful life. You can do it! A child just needs love, and you'll have no shortage of that. Plus, Grandma and Grandpa will be bursting to spoil him/her! There is nothing wrong with finding someone else, but I've decided to stay single for a while, get to know my daughter, get used to (and good at) being a mom, and get my life together without the distraction of a boyfriend. Congradulations! And best of luck!
@creationhub (3068)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 07
Your story is very touching. Let the past be the past. There is always a great future to look foward to. Put it in God's hands. It is not going to be a smooth journey in life no matter what situation we are in. I believe the one day, the right partner will come. You r child needs a man to show the right way to grow in life. Trust God, dear friend. I have been married almost 23 years and our only baby passed away prematured years ago. Till today, we may not have any child yet but God willing, there will always be another miracle. Treasure what you have because one day you will understand.
@rlonrlon (156)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
congratulations on your coming baby! be honest with your kid. explain to him at his right age why this and that happened. trust me, he will become a better and complete person.
@sunup13 (420)
• Canada
16 Apr 07
I think that being in a new relationship just puts more pressure on you and you can't fully love your child the way you could if it were just the two of you. Fighting with a significant other, etc will just make you sad and then the baby will sense it and get anxious. I read somewhere that as a new mom or a newly single mom for divorced/broken homes to enjoy your kids and not date for at least a year. This will give your heart time to heal and also the first year with a baby is the "most difficult" and crucial. I am glad that your family is behind you, it will make your new role as single mom that much easier with love and support from others. I don't know what I would do without the support of my family and friends! I am wondering how to explain to my daughter why her daddy and I aren't together, but we both agreed that we will say it just didn't work out between us, we care for each other as friends (so far) but it doesn't change the way we love her. We also said we won't blame one person or the other. I will never let her know that he didn't want to keep her when we found out I was pregnant. She just needs to feel loved and safe and that's good enough. I know from experience, my parents split up when I was 13 and my brother was 8, he remarried and his new wife had two kids around our age. We realized that we were all better off and everyone was much happier when they were apart! Good luck hun and try not to worry too much about this right now, the happier and healthier you are the better your little one will grow!
• China
9 Apr 07
I do not understand where are your husband? When the baby born, when he grown up, he must sak you why i have not father? at that time, how do you tell him? i think you should solve that problem
• United States
9 Apr 07
My daughter is a single mom too. She was going to marry the dad and come to find out it was just not going to work after the baby was born. The dad is still in the picture but to me if he was not it would be better cause the poor baby does not know where his home is at times. He is bounced back and forth way to much. Does not know where he belongs. You are lucky that your parents are supportive. I know some of my husband family didn't like that she wasn't getting married but you don't get married just because you are having a baby just does not work out. You will learn what to say and do once the baby comes and is around for awhile. Someday you will find someone who will accept both of you in an relationship. Good luck to you and enjoy the life you have.
@oldboy46 (2132)
• Australia
9 Apr 07
When the time comes that your child asks about a father .... you tell the child the truth. It might be that the father of your child will want to know and have contact with his own child .... or his parents might want to know their grandchild. They should be allowed this .... every child has the right to know both parents and sides of the family and not just the mother. So you and the father or your unborn child aren't together anymore .... he is still the father and without him there would be no child ..... so tell the truth to your child when they ask. Now it will be some years before the child wants to know about where the father is because there is a father. I hope you have told the man that he is to become a father and have not hidden the fact from him. This is from the father of a single mother who would deny the father of my grandson access if she could .... we have told her that her son (my grandson) should be allowed to spend time with his father and know all about him. When my grandson is older he can make a decision if he wants anything to do with his father ..... but that is the choice of the child and not the parents or grandparents. Good luck and do not deny the father or the child the right to know about each other.
@4cuteboys (4102)
• United States
9 Apr 07
You are more than enough for your baby! Don't worry, just that your here asking questions like this shows me you are going to be a great mom! It is great that your family is accepting it well! Family support will go a long way! When your child is young, keep it simple, when they get older you can explain the situation to them. If you get in a relationship, just be cautious at first, and take it slow! Everything will work out! Goodluck and congrats on the pregnancy!
• Canada
9 Apr 07
Congratulations on your pregnancy. There's nothing wrong with being a Single mother, nor is there anything wrong with wanting to be in a relationship with someone later on. If your child asks where the father is, then you should tell them the truth. Lying to them will only make things worse. I think you'll be enough for your child if you should be in a relationship or not. Just try and make sure that there is a male role model for your child, it could be your brother, or even your father. The male influence is important.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
9 Apr 07
The days are long past when it was thought to be impossible to raise a child on your own. You sound like someone who knows where she is going in life and will do what is necessary to give your child a good life. Just remember that the main ingredient in child-rearing is love. Once you become a mom you'll understand. When your child begins to ask questions, try to be as honest as you can. After all, who knows what can happen from day to day? By the time that happens, you might be in a solid and secure relationship. I raised 4 children on my own, but I allowed their father to have contact with them if he so desired. I'm rooting for you.
• United States
8 Apr 07
Congrats, Being a single mother is a Hard Job, but you'll be fine as long as you have your family to help you. If your child asks were its father is tell him the truth! You will want to get a new man in your life and that will be fine. It worked for ME!! Your storie sounds like my life, except my daughters "biological" father lives 20 minutes away and sees her like 3 times a year. Thank GOD for her other daddy! Good Luck to you and your baby!!
@venshida (4837)
• United States
8 Apr 07
You be enough for the child as long as you provide the child with love. The main thing a child need is love. I raise my kids by myself, but If i had to do it over again I would not. I see areas where my kids are lacking and I know it was because they did not have a strong male influence. If someone comes your way who can build a solid loving relationship for you and your child I would suggest go for it. The main thing is to take things one day at time.
@tinmj154 (39)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
Your are brave Girl. If I were on your situation of course with the support of my family, I'll be contented with my only child. I will do everything to give my child the best life ever. But If someday that you'll find someone who will be there for you forever or a partner for life, make sure that you choose the right decision. Protect your child and love him/her unconditionally. Congrats!!!
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
I'm a single parent too, and I know how you feel. You're really better off without a partner right now, especially if the father of your child is not taking part in the responsibility. I had the same apprehensions then, but hey, before I know it my little girl is 5 years old now and everything turned up pretty much okay. My family supported me all the way and they love my daughter very much. But of course there's the constant question "where's dad?", especially now that she's going to school, getting smarter each day and having a thousand of questions in her mind. I just tell her that dad is away and when he earns enough money he will come by and visit her. It's the truth, but I just spared her the other details. Children are amazingly more intelligent nowadays. I believe that when you explain it to them in a truthful manner, they would understand. After all, it's nobody's fault. Right now I feel that I'm not yet ready to be in a relationship. I want to enjoy more time with my daughter, and having someone right now will only distract me from pursuing my plans for her. I know I would eventually look for a partner too and I still plan to settle down, but that will come later. Of course you are enough for your kid! You can be mother and father rolled into one and I'm sure your family will fill up your child's needs with all the love and caring they could give. It happened to me and I'm very thankful for having such a great family. Also remember that God takes good care of a fatherless child, so don't worry, because your child is looked after and is in good hands. :)
@Munira (484)
• United States
8 Apr 07
It is good that your family is supporting you. A father is not necessary to raise a child. A father-figure does help. Good Luck
@ozzydee70 (465)
• Germany
8 Apr 07
i've chosen to be a single mom than to live with the father of my daughter, i found out he's a irresponsible man, with the help of my family it made easier for me to raise my child alone. she's turning 13 this may and now i'm married already. Nothing to worry about , keep your faith in god!! be a better person for your future child.
@User10 (82)
• United States
8 Apr 07
As long as the child is loved and feels that he or she is loved, then trust me that's all that matters. There are all kinds of families. Some children are raised by their grandparents, some are raised by uncles or aunts. And if you eventually marry some one just make sure that person treats your child with love. Congradulations, and take care of yourself.