Pet owner Funny read

@raydene (9874)
United States
April 8, 2007 8:23am CST
DOG DIARY 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! CAT DIARY Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Losers! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe … For now...
3 people like this
6 responses
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
8 Apr 07
I think you have managed to get inside your pets heads, I am pretty sure thats how they think...
@raydene (9874)
• United States
8 Apr 07
I don't know .....my cats adore me and spend all there time...sucking up for treats...They either have no self respect or are setting me up to get rid of me..lol
1 person likes this
@horsesrule (1959)
• United States
8 Apr 07
This is great stuff and very funny. I loved it.
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
8 Apr 07
Well that explains why the cats are always laying in the dark hallway or why they try to run in front of me. I always thought they had a secret life insurance policy out on me. Nice to know there is another explaination. Of course the dog likes to lay in the dark as well or right in front of my bedroom door. Maybe they are working together? Think they could be?
@raydene (9874)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Yea,The cats tell the dog what to do and he just does what he's told cause he's a dog and that's what dogs do!!..lol..Check the cat beds for the insurance papers..
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
8 Apr 07
This is great thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
8 Apr 07
Yes this is funny, in regards to a dog, and of course our dogs must eat to keep up their strength, and also it is funny what the cat think about us humans that own them. But our pets will always treat and respect the owners if they are looked after in a proper way, so love your pet and they will love you back.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
8 Apr 07
Good and funny. Truely sounds like what a cat would think.
1 person likes this