I am feeling really down again

picture of a girl in depression - Picture of a girl holding her head.
@linda345 (2661)
Canada
April 8, 2007 7:29pm CST
Today, Easter Sunday, has found me in a depressed part of my bipolar cycle. I was cooking this big turkey dinner wondering why am I doing this. I have a son who hates me and is a drug addict. I have a daughter who hates me and is is foster care. She is not in foster care because I beat her. You can read previous post if you want to know why. My older daughter is working and when she gets home she is going to want to rush through dinner and get to her boyfriends families for desserts. They are normal. She is late getting off work and myself and my husband are finshed eating an hour by the time she gets home. I have a cold. One of my friends is mad at me and won't talk to me. My cousin is in afganistan and 6 Canadians got killed again. My poor Aunt is beside herself. There is other stuff but I won't boor you. I feel so numb.
9 people like this
18 responses
@raydene (9874)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Honey,I'm so sorry that today is not good for you...I wish I could do something for you...I hate when my friends are having a hard time...I'm sending a big hug..Hope that tomorrow is a better day...Kiss the little one for me...that will help you feel better..Hugs Linda
5 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
10 Apr 07
Thanks for the hugs. I will give her another kiss. Sometimes I think I am going to smother her with the hugs. I think I just have to go through the lows with the highs with this illness and accept that it is part of my life. This is the first real time I have been on mylot in days. I have been sleeping mostly.
@tammyr (5954)
• Etowah, Tennessee
9 Apr 07
Holidays are always the worst. Do not worry to much. god does not give us more than we can handle. If you believe in God pray to him for help handling this. My son was an addict. I threw him out. We did not talk for some time. Now he is clean and tells me he loves me every time we talk. Stay tough. You want what is best. As for your oldest daughter, as you said, it is normal behavior. She doesn't mean to be rude to you but young love is first on their minds. I have not seen your previous posts, soI do not know what to say about her, but she is still your daughter and I can see you love her! Your friend will come around or else she was not a true friend to bein with. Spend quality time with your husband. Remember the times you longed for a night alone with him?
@AmbiePam (56655)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Tammy, you are really encouraging. Won't you please come visit my house? : )
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
I typed up a response to this and as I hit post mylot went down. Thanks for all the encouragement. My friend has emailed me. My husband works so much durning the week we get very little time together.
@byfaithonly (10715)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I'm sorry to hear your day has gone so badly. I don't suffer from bipolar but seem to have had much the same type of day - I think my biggest problem is expecting or wanting more from my family than they are able to give which has lead me to be disappointed and 'depressed'. All the way driving home from my parents house this evening I kept telling myself it's only to be expected and I shouldn't let it take away from my celebration but it didn't work - I got home and went to bed and slept for 3 hours. I have known 2 ladies who do have bipolar and I know the holidays are particularly difficult for them - sort of like 'overloaded circites' or something. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
3 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
10 Apr 07
Well it is Tuesday and I am still feeling down. I hope this is not going to be a long depressive state. I see the doctor on Thursday.
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
9 Apr 07
Awwwwww Linda you are dealing with a lot there and I do hope that you are ok now. You have a lot to deal with and I wish I could be there with you I am sorry you had a fall out with your Friend and I hope that it will be sorted soon I really do Love and Hugs to you
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
I am still pretty down. I must be a bit better because I am on the computer tonight. I just went straight to bed almost last night.
• United States
6 Aug 08
I truly hope everything gets better for you. I was diagnosed in January and I know exactly how you feel. Days I go without sleep, walking around like a zombie, and I too only have one friend and she moved to another state. So here in my town I have no one. I lost my job and now waiting to hear about my disability. add me as a friend if you would like lord knows I could use some I'm new on here.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
9 Apr 07
Please don't take this the wrong way. If you pitty yourself, you give yourself more reason to feel this way. If you dwell on all the pathetic or bad things in your life, you will get more bad and pathetic out of life, if you put that much energy into it, that is all your going to get. Just remember that if you think happy thoughts, feel yourself being happy, embrace happy, that's all that you will get back. Your probably thinking, you don't know what your talking about.. I have clinical depression, quite a bit like bipolar disorder, but it doesn't come in spirts, it's constant. Well hunni, i haven't been on medications for it for years. I want you to do something. It WILL change your life if you let it, It will give you everything you have ever dreamed of, and make you happier than you ever thought possible. Go to the video store, or buy it online, it's called the secret, that's it, just 'The Secret' It's in DVD form, and it will do wonders for you, your family, and even your friends. Embrace it, it will change you and your world immensely!
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
You have to realize there is not alot of happy things in my life right now except looking forward to my brothers wedding, my trip to Newfoundland and my granddaughter.
@AmbiePam (56655)
• United States
9 Apr 07
I'm with you, Linda. Of course, my situation is not the same as yours, but it's that time when I remember, Oh, I have bipolar. Not that I could forget, but I feel its impact today. And I don't know how to get rid of it.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
I don't think we can ever get rid of it. We have to live with it unfortuently.
• Canada
9 Apr 07
I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I suffer from clinical depression and so to a certain extent I know how you feel. It's not easy. However, please know that things won't always be like this. Time heals and although it may seem slow at times, life does get better. I'm sending huge hugs your way and I've asked my angels to send some loving comfort your way.
• United States
9 Apr 07
I am sorry to hear that you are down Linda, when times like this get to you just remember they are one of the privileged ones. At least you have a son, there are a lot of people out there that can't have children. At least you have food to put on the table, a lot of people go hungry everyday. At least you have a family, a lot of people would do anything to have a family. At least you can feel the numbness, some people never do their entire life. Cheer up, it could be worse. At least you have love in your life, if it is not shown to you today, you always know that it is there hiding until you really need it. ~ Take Care ~
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
12 Apr 07
So truely spoken.
@kurtbiewald (2627)
• United States
9 Apr 07
that was all yesterday just let it go today is a new day stop reading the paper, then at least the Canadian problem will be gone
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
12 Apr 07
I would never stop reading the paper. I am proud of our Canadian Soldiers and my cousin. It just rips my heart out when they get hurt or killed.
@ESKARENA1 (18296)
9 Apr 07
oh Linda, i feel for you. I am at the up point of my bi polar cycle and can see the depths waiting for me. Oh Linda i know how much it looks dark when we are at the bottom of the pit. You say your children hate you? are you sure. I know it feels that way, my poor husband has to put up with me telling him i wished id never married him and that i never wanted the kids in the first place. Please keep in mind one thing, you are not alone. I am going to break one of my rules, i want to invite you on to my friends list. I do understand if you dont want to, but feel free to chat to me any time you like blessed be
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
Do you find you almost enjoy that manic state even though you know a crash is going to follow? I feel invincible when I am manic and I can do anything.
@suzzs02 (631)
• United States
11 Apr 07
i am sorry to hear you are down i was the same way on easter, i dont know why, but i just did'nt feel like going out , i also have bipolar and have a teenage daughter who makes me fill like she hates me she caused me alot pain but i still love her and my youngest daughter is 10 she lives with her dad not by my choice. you need to read some of my other post we have alot in common thinking of u suzzs
• United States
9 Apr 07
Hi, I know how you feel. I suffer from bipolar also.I take medication for it. I know what it is to be depressed so I definately feel your pain. Nothing I say is going to make you feel any better, but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Are you on any medications? Some medications make you become more symptomatic.Anti-depressants are not supposed to be prescribed to bi-polar patients because they make you worse. I found that out after years of treatment without any relief. I sure hope you feel better soon. If you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me. Remember you are not alone. Take care.
• United States
9 Apr 07
Life's events can really drag you down. What we need to do is snap out of it and realize that we are important to. If the good times don't come to us, we need to find the good times on our own. Make ourselves happy, bring joy to ourselves. A big hugger to you Linda.
1 person likes this
@unuzzz (1273)
• Indonesia
9 Apr 07
well, life seems not that easy for you but hey, spirit up ! [i hope there is a word spirit-up in the vocabulary since my english getting worse these weeks] hard things must have some great meeanings beyond my sister told me that every bad things you have, is God's challenge ask Him for guidance very cliche, but it'll help trust me.. cheer up linda345
1 person likes this
9 Apr 07
Dear Linda I hope you are feeling better today and not so overwhelmed by all what is happening. It is such a hard thing to deal with and sometimes we can feel as if we are drowning. I know my mum goes through days like this when she dreads the day ahead and cannot put these feelings aside. I hope you had lots of hugs from your family, you are so caring I hope they return the gesture often. You are in my thoughts Take care.
1 person likes this
@rubypatson (1842)
• India
9 Apr 07
Very sorry to hear about what you are going through, dont worry just go to God in Prayer, he will really find a solution to your problems and he will make you feel better and give you peace in your heart even in the midst of anything, just lean on God Take care
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 07
I hope your husband is supportive, as mine tries to be. I don't have bipolar.... I just get dsyphoria all the time I guess. I migrated from Australia to the US to be with my partner and have found it hard to adjust and study for my medical boards all over again (as overseas Drs qualifications aren't accepted which is the case for other countries too), still need to get my US drivers licence (car's been in and out of the workshop quite a few times) and well I don't have many friends here. I guess you would call this reactive depression and hopefully it will improve in time. You have it pretty hard with your family not being there for you much and I sure hope your eldest will remember all your care towards her when she grows older and settles down.
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12135)
• India
21 Oct 10
Most time, its my work..with ontime deliveries and work loads. I try to divert mind on music and i feel better. We need to manage depression, as it is part of life in busy world. But if we concentrate, we can manage it. I does it through my yoga, listening music and going out on vacation.