understanding

When partners share feelings, ideas, and beliefs, our responsibility is to be attentive, respectful, and accepting. You demonstrate sensitivity by listening attentively in order to understand your partner’s frame of reference. The skill of empathy helps us do this. To be empathic is to listen and observe attentively, not only to hear the words that your partner expresses, but also to understand the feelings expressed. It’s important to focus on nonverbal clues, such as tone of voice and gestures. By listening empathically, you are able to identify with your partner’s perceptions, thoughts, and feelings. Your nonverbal and verbal behaviors assure your partner that you want to understand the message. Maintaining eye contact, focusing on what is being said, and giving feedback regarding your understanding of the message, communicate caring and acceptance. Empathy allows us to enter our partner’s perceptual world and to spontaneously feel what our partner feels. Empathy may not result in agreement, but it allows us to demonstrate understanding. If we are empathic, our partner is more likely to reveal feelings and perceptions. Sharing our deepest feelings enriches our relationship. What do you do when your partner does not understand you or your feelings or when your points of view are incompatible? Observing yourself in these situations will help you measure your empathy.

Your girlfriend might wonder what's wrong with her. If you hang out more with a guy-friend it's easier to accept, but if it is a girl-friend she might wonder what has your friend got that she doesn't have and that makes you want to spend more time with the friend, especially if your girlfriend is an insecure person. It's ok to want your girlfriend to be understanding, but try to be more understanding with her feelings too. Maybe try to hang out as a group sometimes and at the same time, spend quality time with your girlfriend. All the best to you.