Are people naturally polite?
By coffeechat
@coffeechat (1961)
New Zealand
April 9, 2007 9:28am CST
My 5 year old oozes politeness with his pleases, pardons, excuse me's and thank you's. My seven year old blurts out what he wants, says 'huh' when he want you to repeat something and smiles in acknowledgement for something he appreciates instead of saying thank you.
Are you polite? Do you expect people to be polite? What is your experience of impoliteness?
2 people like this
5 responses
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Interesting how brothers can be so different, even though they are raised in the same environment.
My mom insists I was "very polite" when I was little, without having to be told so. My dad insisted it was just because I was shy-- so who knows? I know better than to "claim" politeness for myself; that's for other people to decide, not I.
I don't exactly EXPECT people to be polite, although I wish they were. The sad truth seems to be that a lot of people are just rude, crude and self-absorbed in this fast-paced world of ours. I worked customer service related jobs for many years, so I got exposed to a lot of people "at their worst," and I really didn't much enjoy that.
2 people like this
@coffeechat (1961)
• New Zealand
9 Apr 07
Thank you!
For some reason people in customer service are subject to amazing acts of impoliteness. It is almost similar to road-rage and sometimes you see the mildest of people behave outrageously when they are behind the wheel.
Readers Digest conducted a global survey of politeness. Their top three cities were - believe it or not - New York, Zurich and Toronto. Here is a link to the article. http://www.readersdigest.ca/mag/2006/07/polite.php
Cheers!
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
10 Apr 07
Coffeechat,
Your husband is a true gentleman. Yes, he is correct that he did the right and the smart thing. Can't say I am that much of a gentleman, but sitting here calming reviewing the situation, it is easy to see he made a good decision. He is obviously a cool level headed person.
I rather doubt the horn tooter appreciates that.
@coffeechat (1961)
• New Zealand
10 Apr 07
Thank you for that. Thought I would share this with you.
On Easter Sunday, Coffeemate was driving round and round the shopping centre parking lot. While waiting for a car to reverse out, the car behind us went tooted his horn. Polite as ever, Coffeemate moved on, giving up the opportunity to park. The car behind us took our place and eased into the slot that we'd been waiting for.
Livid, I was. But Coffeemate phlegmatically said "that bloke must have been in a hurry to get to the loo!" and moved on to look for another slot.
Sometimes politeness does not pay ... or does it really? Coffemate thinks it always does. What do you think?
1 person likes this
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I have delayed answering your question,"Does politeness always pay?".
This is not such an easy answer. It required some thought. I did not want to answer one way or the other until I was sure I could defend my answer. Now, I can.
Politeness pays most of the time. Especially, in ordinary everyday life.
But as there are a small number of individuals who seek out polite people under the mistaken impression that all of them are easy targets to victimize, I have to say a time comes when politeness is no longer effective.
However, I suppose that as you tackle,restrain, and call the police on some thief stealing your car and he responds by attacking with a knife, you could say, "I'm sorry" as you turn the knife back on him.
For the sake of arguement, though, I'm going to call this false politeness.
Therefore, I'm answering that politeness does not always pay, but almost always.
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
9 Apr 07
LOL... and I'll bet you are raising both children exactly the same!
You sure have provided proof that genetics and nuturing are strange things to figure out when it comes to trying to understand different outcomes.
Are people naturally polite? Well, I'm not. My parents had to teach it to me and my wife continuely gives me refresher courses.
I expect some people to be polite, but others, the ones I know are not, I've given up on expecting those kind of people to be what they are not.
My experience with impoliteness is that mostly if you are polite to people, they are polite to you and impoliteness is not a problem. Unfortunately, there are notable exceptions.
1 person likes this
@coffeechat (1961)
• New Zealand
9 Apr 07
It is true to a point. As each of the boys character, interests and personality emerges I am fascinated at how external influences mould and refine what they learn at home.
My attempts to be polite regardless of provocation fails sometimes and regardless of justification, I am comitting myself to the view that politeness under the utmost pressure is indeed a sign of refinement - indeed civilization itself.
1 person likes this
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I would also say that politeness in extreme situations is a sign of high intelligence. Too bad that mostly goes over the head of impolite persons it is practiced upon.
1 person likes this
@coffeechat (1961)
• New Zealand
12 Apr 07
I suggest that the question devolves around the "nature versus nurture" argument. There are enough studies to support either side of the argument.
I am still bemused by the question whether politeness is an intrinsic human condition, or is it something that we have learned and pass on.
@gscs1838 (1536)
• Malaysia
6 Jul 07
for me , i think everyone will get a little mad from time to time, and we all are human being.
the way i gain people respect is i will take initailtive to respect someone at first, at the same time, i do hope i will get back their respect too. if not, i won't border that person anymore. sam thing, i will behave all the time, but if someone rude to me! sorry lol! you won't gain my respect lol!
that 's about me!!
@haedescanes (592)
• Philippines
28 Apr 07
Polite? being polite needs a certain situation. I will be polite if people are nice. but if they are not. I will not be also polite to them. I always believe in the golden rule, Do unto others what others want to do unto you. I have alot of experiences of impoliteness and theer are to many to mention. I think these people are not impolite, better use the term rude. Goodluck!
