My ex is threating to take my child away..
@mommey20032005 (264)
United States
April 10, 2007 1:13pm CST
We split up 3 years ago, that was when our daughter was born. When I tell him that in July I will be sending him divorce papers, he gets mad each time. He says if I do that and try to get child support, he will come and get her and I can't do a thing about. because we are still married and he is the father it wont be considered kidnapping. Why does he want to stay married to me? he does not call our child or even seen her, it's been 3 years since he has seen her. I can't stand him, he cheated on me so many times. He even cheated on me when I had just given birth to our child. I don't love him anymore and he has never loved me. He is with some one else that I hope that he loves, because he has a child with her. And he has another child with another women. But for me I have been with my fiance for 3 years, he has been my daughters life and she only knows him as her father. I had another with my fiance, and we love each other more then anyone can ever know. He has loved my daughter as if she was his on, and wants to adopt her and give her his last name. We want to get married, but my ex keeps telling me that he wont sign the papers. To make matters worse my fiance is getting sent over seas for a year or more, and we cant get the pay he would get if we were married. I don't know what to do, I wan to marry him and start our life. My question is why wont he sign the papers? and why is he saying such horrible things to me?
6 people like this
21 responses
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
10 Apr 07
i think you need to get yourself a good lawyer fast and fill him in on all of this. try to catch your husband on tape threating that stuff if you can. i wish you the best and i hope everything all works out.
2 people like this
@mansha (6298)
• India
11 Apr 07
may be he is just threatening you. he wants to control your life and nothing more, i would suggest you report him for threatening you and state that you fear that he may harm the child. he does not live with you and has another woman in your report. authorities will take a kind notice and may be award him a restraining order. for that go to domestic abuse centre and tell thenm your story and keep all the recordings and written threats he has ever gioven you save them to prove that he is indeed threatening you.
lodge a complaint against him as soon as possible.
@missybal (4490)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I think that it's all a control issue and he doesn't want you to be able to move on with your life. You need a lawyer. You will have to ask the courts for a divorce and will probably have to claim also abandenment and that sort of thing to get it done and over with. He has a child since with someone else and so do you and so I don't see why the courts can't grant you a divorce even if he won't sign. You better act quick. It may cost you some money. I don't know if you want to go around it and in order to get him to sign just let him out of paying child support. Really miliary pay is pretty good and you will be fine. Anything to get it done as soon as possible. You can try and maybe he will agree.
@silkyt34 (324)
• United States
10 Apr 07
go file the papers now..if he tries to come and take your daughter.. it IS kidnapping ask for sole custody explain to your atty that he has not had anything to do with your child at all.. the reason he is saying these things seem to me is because he 1, doesnt want to pay child support and 2 if you get a divorce then the other woman maybe pushing him to get married and if he is still married to you then he cant marry her.. it doesnt sound to me like you want his child support so once you file for divorce ask him about giving up his parental rights so that your fiance can adopt your daughter if he is the only dad your daughter has ever known doesnt sound like he would have a problem with adopting her and making it official then your soon to be x wouldnt have to pay child support at all he is just out to hurt you .. dont let him bully you anymore.. call an atty and get the papers filed.. best of luck to you and your family
@mommey20032005 (264)
• United States
10 Apr 07
I don't want any child support from him, I want him to give up all rights. I want nothing to do with him ever again!!!! And when my daughter turns 18, it will be up to her if she wants to contact him.
@jcgbrains (139)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Why does he have to, in most states you should be able to get a divorce without his consent, if he will not sign the papers voluntarily then you may just have to force the issue. Although the exact laws and process involved vary from state to state.
@motherof35108 (192)
• United States
11 Apr 07
please do not take what your ex is saying seriously. i have been divoreced for 3 years now and my ex does the same thing to me. just let your ex know that if he sighns the adoption papers then he will not have to pay child support and if he signs the divorce papers then you can get married and he will not have to pay alimoney to you. he can whipe the slate clean with the both of you and the both of you can get on with your lifes be happy because my ex is makeing it hard for me to even have a man in my life if you have an atorney then have your atorney push him to sighn the papers or even yet get a restraining order on your ex so he can not take your daughter for when you do serve him with the papers.
@koikoikoi (1246)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Because he's a meanie and just wants to make your life horrible. You should first take care of what's first.
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
11 Apr 07
To me it sounds like he wants to controll tyou and I suggest that u get a good lawyer to help you sort this out.
I am sure that it will work out, but it will be a hard thingto go through, for you, your fiancee and the child!
@jal1948 (1359)
• India
11 Apr 07
The answer to your problem is complicated because as long as you are not married u could claim for alimony from him so u live with someone else and he supports u and your daughter that will be un acceptable to ur ex, to make it simple go for mutual divorce where in u take custody of the child but give up ur rights for alimony for self and the girl from ur ex,this way u can get married have ur child and lead ur life on ur terms,well all the best fond rewgards to self and fly.
@ironstruck (2298)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
This can turn into a dangerous situation and I think you must take action right away to get out of it anyway you can.
This person is one of those with the mentality that, "If, I can't have you, nobody can."
And most likely he will continue to make life as difficult for you as he can.
I would be aware it I were you that these things can escalate and just get worse, so it is best you take the advice of many on here and get legal help right away. Also, it he threatens you physically, talk to the police.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
11 Apr 07
Someone said the same thing - get yourself a good lawyer - your husband cant take your daughter coz even though he is the father & you aer technically married - a court would see the abandonment & lack of interest in his child & he could be done for kidnapping. Especially if they know his lack of faithfulness & also the number of children he has with however many other women.
He's saying the horrible things just to get to you, it's just something angry people do, i'd ignore it & get yourself good legal advise at least, then you'll know where you stand & what rights you have. You can always start with a restraining order, then see what options you have getting him to sign the divorce papers - you'd probably be surprised at what you can actually do :)
I wish you luck & hope things work out the way you want/need them to :)
@4cuteboys (4099)
• United States
11 Apr 07
My ex husband was like that as well. He got all irate when I initiated the divorce stuff, even though he said he was glad we broke up and all that. It took 2 years altogether from the time of our seperation and the length of the divorce because he didn't want ot sign the papers. I was in almost the exact same position. My husband now is military, and since my ex was in florida, and i moved back to new jersey and it had been so long, I was with my bf( then later husband) and we just really wanted to get married and move on. It took forever, but finally he signed the papers. I kept calling him and bugging him, and kept crying and eventually he did it. At the last minute though, because he was leaving for Korea, and I think he would then haave been protected under soldiers and sailors relief act, where the divorce would have been hung up until he was stateside. He is probably just jealous you moved on and have a new guy. SO he doesn't want to make it easy for you. Hopefully you can pester him into signing.
@ethlene_c2h6 (241)
• Philippines
11 Apr 07
it is your right! you have valid grounds to file a divorce. i think you have to seattle this in court.
@paulajardine (18)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
It sounds like he wants to still have the feeling of control over you and that is why he wont sign the papers. Either that or he is a low life who does not want to pay child support. Or maybe its a bit of both.
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
10 Apr 07
Sounds like he is jealous and just wants to be in control of you yet. Send him the papers I am sure he has to sign them in a certain amount of time He can't just not sign them forever. If you have a lawyer ask them if he has a time limit to sign. My hubby went overseas and we married right before he went and the money is alot better. So it is worth it. We were dating for 5 years when he got sent over so we were going to marry at some point anyway So right before he left was perfect. The family benefits is an awesome deal too
@7nicole1 (1633)
• Canada
10 Apr 07
Well Im sorry to hear about your situation but it sounds like to me that your ex husband doesnt want you to be happy or thinks he's going to get you back someday. There has to be some legal way around him not signing the divorce you should check into it and as for him coming to take your child I dont think thats possible especially if he hasnt seen her in 3 years. This guy sounds like a loose cannon and might be really dangerous if he snaps and if I was you I would get some kind of protection order before he does decide to do something extremely stupid. Good luck to you and hope all works out.
@JellyBeans (639)
• Canada
10 Apr 07
Well if someone did that to me, i'd feel kind of confused. because i wouldn't know what to do... But i had a few ideas. You could counter with another threat, about something you will do. You could just go to court and settle it there. Or you could just stay with him. But i would seriously go with going to court and settling it there. It is much better and if he comes near you (if you win) Then he will be disobeying the law and may be fined/jailed.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
10 Apr 07
Actually, if your ex doesn't live at home with you anymore and he takes your child away from you, it IS kidnapping and he will be in deep sh!t. He has no responsibility towards her, as those rights are automatically given to the mother of the child.
You need to get yourself a lawyer and get the divorce papers drawn up NOW. Don't wait! Once you are divorced, get an injunction to keep your ex away from you and go for Child Support from him anyway. He won't be able to touch you.
If your new partner wants to adopt your daughter and give her his last name, you'll have to go to court for it anyway whether your ex contests it or not.
Right now, he's being mean and difficult because he gets pleasure from seeing you miserable. He doesn't want you to be happy, and he has HUGE jealousy issues over your new partner. I would, for the most part, try and ignore what he's saying to you.
He knows that it hurts you and he revels in the sense of power that it gives him. If you can show him that what he says doesn't affect you, he won't have that sense of power anymore. Once you've shown him once that he can't bother you, it gets easier to keep doing it.
Good Luck.
@TotalEclipse (157)
•
10 Apr 07
When splitting up a lot of people get bitter. Chances are that a lot of what he is saying are loose threats and that he will sign the divorce papers properly. As for signing his daughter over... I think that is a very hard one.
It seems both of you have moved on from the relationship so wouldnt make sense to drag the divorce on other then to get at you.
@rafichang (35)
• China
11 Apr 07
I am so sorry to hear this situation from you. It sounds totally like what just happened to my brother. His wife is not a nice women and also tried everything to get the baby, while although she never loved the girl. My parents helped my brother raise the baby all the time.
When my brother sent the divorce paper to her, she got very angry and started to attack him. Of course she didn't love him anymore, she just envyied the real happy life that my brother was about to take. But now everything is okay just as what we all expected.
So don't worry, just as other people told you, to sent the paper to him, to find a good lawer, to try to prove how bad he is as a father and a husband. I believe you can earn your own happy life;)
