Should I let my child see its grandmother?

United States
April 10, 2007 7:11pm CST
I have a horrible mother-in-law, and a baby on the way. I do not want my child around her. It's not just bacause the very sight of her literaly makes me sick. She really is a nasty horrible person. Of course my wife thinks its okay, it's her mother, but I don't want her anywhere near it. She didn't take care of her own children. One of her sons won't speak to her, the other steals from her, her own husband runs away from her at least once a month. I've even said I would divorce my wife and fight her for custody if she lets her come around. Any thoughts? Keep in mind she really is a nasty ho, that's not an opinion, it's a fact.
4 people like this
19 responses
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I know it sounds like you really do not care for your mother in law at all. Here is my suggestion, take it how you will. I would allow her to see the children, since she is thier grandmother, and you don't want them to hold that against you when they get older. BUT, if i were you i would be there at all times and make the visits short.. 10-15 min. That way your wife cannot complain that you are keeping the kids from her mom, and when the kids get older they can make that choice for themselves. Really good luck to you. Blessed Be!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 07
I've thought of that, but I can't be there when she is there. I can't be in the same room with her.
@Doomsayer (115)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Talk it out with your wife. Explain your feelings however you can. If I were you, that is, a parent who thinks that their child's grandmother would have a detrimental effect on the child, go with your guts. The way you're talking, it sounds like you don't have in-laws, you have outlaws! Follow your gut, but in this case, it sounds like it might be wise to do a little second-guessing on yourself, for everybody's sake.
11 Apr 07
Hi friend. It iscommon . All mother-in-laws are not good. illiteracy is one reason, and the atmsphere where they grown up and the family background are also factors for such behaviour. I saw many cases of such type. But instantanesouly, mother in laws will be good towards grand children they love more than the parents. Let us see how she will react with your child,and then decide what to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 07
You need to let your child see her grandmother, just monitor your child so she is not influenced by this person, I mean if we could pick our relatives we would not pick the ones we have, including your wife's mother. Your child is going to know that she has a grandmother and you never let her see her and when the grandmother is no longer around you will be blamed for not allowing her to have her own opinion on this person.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Apr 07
Despite all the things, i will let my child to be seen by her grandmother. Don't let your hatred as a protection to your child. It's alright, provided if you'll properly raise and guard your child.
1 person likes this
@sebelini (18)
• Australia
11 Apr 07
Well it really depends why you think she is nasty. The word nasty to one person could mean something really trivial for another. I know of someone whose sons are not too good, one steals from her also. But you know, its not her. If its only because she can sometimes say or do things that dont sound right to you or maybe offensive perhaps you should talk to your wife about your feelings and she can sort it out with her mother. I know she thinks its okay but perhaps you should change your tactic - no one will take you seriously if you keep threatening divorce - at least I wont. That's just all piss and wind because you are still there and if you are still there its because you may love her and if you love her you will talk it over without any threats. Unless your nasty mother in law has murderous tendencies, I think its a bit harsh to keep her away from your kids. Their life is not at risk. Someone needs to talk to her about her nasty ways because she may not be aware of them. If she is aware of it, dont threaten your wife, threaten her. Tell her that if she is nasty to your kids and causes them grief in a bad way then she will not be welcome to see them that often until she sees someone about her ways and changes her attitude. Good luck!
• India
11 Apr 07
Babies are toolovely and aged people love to be with them .This sort of thing happened in my friends family too. Initially when the baby was to be born, they thought that they would not let the mother in law to see/talk to it. But in reality when the baby was born,I can say that the baby was so good and it was the cute baby that changed the minds of its father and mother. My frind and her hubby underwent change in thoughts and they thought "after all the mother in law is going toi be with them for the next few years" and they found that it was their duty to make her happy however bad she was!I have the came opinion in ur case too. Howeverbad they are, you can do ur best to make them happy.nothing bad to u will happen because of that for sure.
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
11 Apr 07
My situation is similar but different, in my case it's MY Grandmother i don't want around my daughter - not coz she's a nasty person but because she plays favourites which is pretty horrible! I had a baby & she seemed to fake an interest in my daughter, then her favourite Grandkid announces she's pregnant & now she's over the moon. I haven't allowed her much contact with my daughter coz i don't want my daughter getting attached to her coz we all know she'll play favourites again with Great Grandkids & i don't want my daughter getting hurt. I say, do whatever YOU feel is best, your wife cannot force you to do anything & you have every right to want a say in who your daughter associates with. It might seem a little harsh but you need to do what you think is right - don't do things to please others that will make you miserable. I would recommend doing what i currently do - my Grandma sees my daughter on major holidays only & it's never for very long. If there is to be any contact in between, then as others have said, keep it short & sweet - the last time my daughter saw my Grandma it was just before Easter & we stopped at her house for about 5 mintues on my way home. My daughter didn't get out but it keeps the peace. Good Luck & i hope your wife can undertand someone like her mother isn't a very good influence on a child.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
11 Apr 07
I think that you should let your child see his grandmother. but, you should be with the child and see that everything is alright, and you should decide that the visits won't be more then an hour or two hours. Think about it, every parent makes mistakes, but what if your child will marry someone that would not want her child to come near his grandparents. do you understand what i am talking about. what if your child will tell you as an adult that he is mad at you, because he didn't get to know his grandmother? i think you should let the child see her, but you have to control the meeting. hope i helped here.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
11 Apr 07
It is hard to keep a wife away from her mother and will probably be equally hard for you to keep your child away as well. The grandparent can fight for grandparents rights and visitations so beware this might happen if you do not let her see the child and they usually win in some cases my cousin tried to keep her mother away from her daughter but her mother took her to court and her mother won and got visitation rights. So my cousin moved out of state thinking that would help her mother is bugging her wanting to see her child but so far she has only gotten a few visits. regardless what you may think of her it would be up to a juge to decide. Well, I would talk to your wife and tell her the options and be nice why just throw your marriage away on this. If you don't want her near you then let them meet somewhere else in a park or such place and set ground rules of does and don'ts. Well, good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 07
I completely understand where you are coming from. My answer is NO, (follow your guts) you should always do what makes you feel comfortable and your wife should more than understand and If she doesn't than really talk to her try saying " I want you to really listen and put feelings for your mom aside and think about the baby." and well If that doesn't work then move ahead with your plans. I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 07
If I were you, I would let your children see their grandmother, but keep the visit short and well supervied. It is there grandmother and they should get the oppurtunity to atleast meet her. If she is as bad as you say, I would keep the visit as short as possible. Say hi and shoot the breeze for a minute or two and get out. I probably wouldn't le them alone with her. Just watch them at all times to make sure you know what she says to them. They should at least get the oppurtunity to meet their own grandmother, no matter how nasty she may be.
• United States
11 Apr 07
Actually, sir, it sounds like YOU are the nasty, horrible person to even suggest that your child be kept away from its grandmother, While we hear mountains of mother-in-law jokes and it is common knowledge that in-laws are not the most loved members of a family, do you think that you mother seems like a prize chicken to your wife ... and she is letting her children see her! Who are you to judge? Maybe grandma thinks you are a jerk and she's not suggesting that the child be taken away from you because of its defective father!
@jeanena (2070)
• Bucklin, Kansas
11 Apr 07
If the wife agrees then where is the problem ?
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 07
SSix feetunder ... Too bad you're not... six feet under.
@omarking (91)
• Egypt
11 Apr 07
hey ur child must to go to ur mother because children love her grand mother ver much
• United States
11 Apr 07
WOW! Ok here is what I have to say my mother hated my grandmother or Nanna as she reminded us on a daily basis:). She was a horrible mother to my father. She left him in different states when they went on vacations she cheated on my grandfater many times. INFACT, she even gave her last child, my aunt my grandfather's last name and he wasnt even her father. Now, that all being said, she was my nanna and my mother refused to not let us see her. I would have never forgotten her for it. She was nasty little lady but I loved her and infact spent the last week of her life taken care of her and I would not have traded that for anything. All I can tell you is that its your choice,but remember its not her you will have to answer to its your child.You never know she may act completly different towards her grand child, I find that most parents do. Now about making your wife choice tells me that you have no respect for her. If my husband ever gave me a choice between him or my family, (by the way we have been married for 16 years this year) I would tell not to let the door hit him on his way out! Good luck--best wishes
• United States
11 Apr 07
Even though she is horrible you child should still meet her
@anya11111 (169)
• India
11 Apr 07
could you not change your job and go away from your mil? there is no point trying to convince how her mother is. and you cannot stop her meeting her along with the child. divorcing your wife because she has a horrible parent will not be justice to your wife. best way is to go away from where your mil lives!
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Good luck with that one. They have Grandparents Laws now and Grandparents have every right to see their grandchildren and it doesn't matter what the parents say. A grandparent has just as much rights nowadays. So unless you can prove she is a unfit grandparent, she can fight to be able to see her grandchild.
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Well weather you like it or not your nor the only parent involved here. and Grandparents have rights. I understand your feelings but what about your wifes feelings? She may be nasty and you may not like her but i think you should allow her to see the child, I guess you dont have to be there if you dont want but allow your wife short visits with the baby,if you dont believe me it will all come back to haunt you later in the childs life. Best of luck.