What would You do?
By princeworthy
@princeworthy (1909)
United States
April 10, 2007 7:38pm CST
My grandfather got really sick right before he died. I spent alot of time at the hospital day and even spending the night there to be with him. The doctors had him intubated (breathing tube) and sedated. I hated to see him like this. My grandmother decided after a couple of weeks that it was time to pull the plug. I didn't agree with the desicion but I really didn't have any say as I am only one grandchild out of 16 grandkids and 6 children of his.
When it came down to the day to do this, I stayed at home and drank myself stupid. I couldn't go and watch him die, I didn't want to see his last breath. My mom and my brother did go and I do wonder if I should have gone. I cried to my grandma and told her I was sorry and that I just couldn't go and watch. She told me it was okay and he wouldn't have wanted me to go if I didn't want to.
I am wondering how many of you out there would do what I did, or would you want to spend the last moments of your loved ones life with them?
11 people like this
16 responses
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
11 Apr 07
It's done Princeworthy, please understand that he is at peace now. You just didn't agree with what was done; I know some folks who did that to their loved one. I would have to think about this. Would I want to see them in pain or let them go on peacefully? big issue.
3 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
11 Apr 07
You handled it the only way that you felt you could. I hope that you got to say your good-byes. He would not have wanted you there if you could not handle it and felt you should not be. He knew that you loved him. No one knows for sure what they would do until they are put in the same situation. I wish you the best.
3 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
Everybody's decision is personal, and asking people that did not have to go through that experience is really useless. Unless they are in your shoes they cannot know what you feel.
But I can tell you that you do not need to beat yourself up over it. You will remember him in a good way and there is nothing wrong with that. Listen to your grandmother she knew him better than anyone else hon. And she loves you and understands you too.
3 people like this
@bonbon50 (659)
• United States
11 Apr 07
You weren't wrong to choose not to be there. From the spiritual world, he can see how much you care and love him. In fact, many times a person who is dying with family keeping vigil seem to 'wait' until they're alone for a moment before they pass, even though they aren't conscience. My mother did this. It's a last piece of dignity to many.
3 people like this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
12 Apr 07
Try and not be too hard on yourself, I think you did what was right for you. I don't think I could watch someone die either. If you had gone and watched him die, I think that could have been more damaging for you. Your grandfather would know that you were there a lot before he went and he would understand why you weren't there at the final moment.
2 people like this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I'm sorry for your loss. That's a real tuffy. If you as you say that you were close to your grandfather, he knew how you felt about him. I don't think that he took a grudge with him to heaven. :-) I shouldn't feel guilty about not being around when he took his last breath. You had already said your goodbyes and made your peace with the fact that he would be leaving.
I say, continue to keep him in your heart and be there for your grandmother. She will greatly appreciate it. :-)
@rubypatson (1841)
• India
11 Apr 07
I dont think I have the strength to watch someone I love Die, I guess i would do the same
2 people like this
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
11 Apr 07
Myself I would have gone only because I have been through watching a person take their last breath. I think though you made the right choice for you. You were there for your grandpa when he needed you. He knows your love for him and being there at that time doesn't change that. I did not allow my younger daughters at the hospital when my mom was dying because I didn't want them to have that image with them forever. I really believe that every person is different and each of us have to decide what we can and cannot handle. Do not kick yourself for not being there your grandpa understands. You made the right choice!
@sapphiresage (431)
• United States
11 Apr 07
From what you describe, you did spend many of your grandfather's last moments with him there in the hospital. In the case of someone who is being kept alive by machines like that, I think he was all but gone anyway. The last moments of his life were prolonged and you WERE there. Just because you weren't there to see the machine stop breathing for him doesn't mean much, in my opinion. I'm glad you got the chance to say goodbye.
@paulajardine (18)
• Canada
11 Apr 07
Ultimately it is your choice. I watched my grandfater die, I saw his last breath, and it is something that I will never forget. I sometimes wish that I had not seen that, and just had good memories in my head, but I can not change that now. Do not beat yourself up over it because I think you made a good decision. Everytime you thought about your grandfather you wouldnt want to be picturing him taking his last breath. It is much better to think of him and remember the good time, like him walking you down the aisle. :)
2 people like this
@askforanything (18)
• India
11 Apr 07
I feel very sorry for your granfather and I am happy to read that u spent so much time for him.
@TheCatzMeow1 (579)
• United States
11 Apr 07
I would of been the one to go, but that's the way that I am. Everyone deals with life crisis differently, so I agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up about this. What one can handle, another one can't. I've been through this with my dad and I was the one who had to inform the doctor what our wishes were. It was a tough decision but my mom couldn't so I felt the need to help her through it. I can't get things out of my head now, but I if I had to do it all over...I wouldn't change a thing.
Yes, I would spend the last minutes with my loved ones. That doesn't mean you're less of a person for not being able to. I'm sure your grandfather understands and wouldn't have it any other way.
@chandra99 (1)
• Pakistan
11 Apr 07
hi princeworthy,
my name is chandra99
i am from indonesian
1 person likes this
