a poem i wrote....please critic so i can improve

@djmarion (4901)
Philippines
April 11, 2007 3:38am CST
When i was 10 and small When i was barely 3 feet tall and my age is turning 10. I use to trek along the hills picking flowers, tapping fingers dancing along in wilderness I jump and hop and run afree, And used to climb the sturdy trees When I was 10 and oh! so small I felt free…I felt so tall I felt the passion burning bright Of small promise of gentle hands I dream of dreams a way too high As I Look unto a lover eye. I used to say a day will come And the kid in me will grow I used to say that come one day I will look straight to the heart of mine. That! So long when leaves are green And dreamers dreams are high. That! When birds still sings melodious Nesting in tress abundant with fruits. That! When water still springs in the forest Quenching the thirst of many fortunate. That ! when season has not yet ended. And years has not yet passed. That! When dreams are oh so simple And fairies still have their trust But trees weaken and became older And dreamers left their dreams uncut Few birds are now complaining Few now in cage are locked. Spring has dried and forest brown. And season changed its color fast. When I was barely 3 feet tall I used to illusion how future calls now I grow and my year’s double I beg the past to turn the table
2 people like this
5 responses
@chanter (372)
• United States
12 Apr 07
Nice. (^-^) Great poetry. I'm starting to like writing poetry now aside from my liking on writing short stories. You can submit your poems to sites. Have you try that? That would be cool!
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
not yet, you know i want to submit my works but i dont know how.lol. can you help me?
@chanter (372)
• United States
12 Apr 07
You can submit it to AC (associated content) or Triond. Ac won't pay for short stories and poems but it could be a good source of exposure for your poem writing. Triond pays for revenues, also you can submit pictures of nature, animals, flowers and such stuffs to TRiond. If you want your poems to be commented, I would pick AC between these two if I were you. Good luck sa 'yo (^-^)
@chanter (372)
• United States
12 Apr 07
Oppss... P.S. I forgot to tell in my post that AC is not accepting writers outside US... that's what I know. But you can visit the site and check it out if they were, just to be sure.
@vhinjc (342)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
nice poem, just continue learning and you'll sure to have a future in it :)
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
1 Jun 07
thanks vhinjc.
@erikbench (169)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
your poem reads like a prose.. i find it rather hard to differentiate the two, but a prose is like a narrative or a story; whereas a poem is composed of seemingly incoherent lines but when you probe deeper into these lines, you'll find a correlation between the words and sentences.. this is the closest i can describe the two words.. but i may be wrong.. your article is a prose, but a nice prose..
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
thanks erikbench, i appreciate your comment,.
• India
11 Apr 07
I must say that you are really talented. Your poem is really wonderful and shows the very truth of our life. And it shows what everyone goes thorugh at one stage of his or her life. So, keep up the good work, and keep posting poems like these. You have just got a new fan for you and your extremely outstanding and awesome poetry.
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
11 Apr 07
thanks cyclops :), you know i really fancy poetry writing, when i was still in school i joined competitions..nice to know someone appreciates my work.. god bless
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
nice poetry, i like it.