Where to live after retirement?

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As we all know, sometimes we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to retire and we think about relocating. Stop here if you don't have a sense of humor. But if you do, the big question is: Where to? You may already be weighing your options and wondering what state you would fit well in. Here are some tips. You can live in Phonenix, Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your backside from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 1000 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! You can live in California where... 1. You make over $300,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. You can live in New York where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature". 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in thier own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. You can live in Maine where.... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction! You can live in the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and but bait in the same store. 2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin'. " is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy bob, Jimmy Joe, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc. You can live in Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You can live in the Mid-West where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic! place, you say, "It was different!" AND, You can live in Florida where... 1. You eat dinner at 5:00 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds. 7. The mosquito is the state bird.