This is not a movie, this is a real situation!!!!

Philippines
April 12, 2007 7:37pm CST
I have a friend, she has a boyfriend who is a widower. He proposed for marriage and she accepted it. They love each other so much. When she was introduced to the children of her fiancee, she felt the disapproving attitudde of three children. Though they did not tell her directly but even the father felt it. and he said sorry for the attitude they had shown against her. If you are in that kind of situation, Will you still marry your boyfriend? Or will you quit the engagement. What will you do?
6 people like this
20 responses
@xfahctor (14126)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
13 Apr 07
I've been in this situation. I went with the marrige and it was a DISASTER. She and the kids didnt get along. I was blinded by love and didnt see what a truly horrible person she was. She made my childrens lives a living hell. I honestly regret it. I guessi had an idea that it was bad but i ignored it. I would say however, that if your certain the future spouse is a good thing, than you go with it. Kids may often rebell simply because it was not their mother or father.
@snappea (47)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I'd put off the wedding a little and take some time to get to know the kids. I think it is kind of crappy ofthe dad not have introduced her to them before he proposed. She will be a big part of their lives.
1 person likes this
@raven9595 (101)
• United States
13 Apr 07
the kids feel that she/dad is trying to replace thier mother. It is natural to feel resentment but they will get over it in time. Stick it out!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Apr 07
Unfortunately, this kind of situation happens all the time. The children are not going to accept your friend right away. They need time to process the changes. Perhaps these children are still grieving over their mother's passing. Just so long as your friend realizes that these children need time to heal, it should be OK. It will be a huge hurdle and may take several years for the children to accept her. I would still keep the engagement, but keep my guard up. If the children still showed disapproval after a long while, I would try to talk it out with them. I would let them know that I am not trying to be a replacement for their mother, but rather, a companion to their father.
1 person likes this
@katskie (128)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Tell your friend to watch the movie stepmom starring julia robert.She have been through a lot and maybe she can get tips on how to deal with stepchildren.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
It is only natural for the kids to be reacting that way. I believe that it will be good for her to pay some more visits to the fiance's house and try to see if there is any chance of developing some kind of friendship with his kids. If after months of trying, she sees no encouraging developments, then they might as well call off the wedding plans. It will be difficult to be considering getting into a marriage which has nothing peaceful at all to begin with. Those 3 kids will surely form part of the family which she will be having once she decides to go on with it. They can make her future married life, a life spent in hell.
@chloe9013 (532)
13 Apr 07
Im not sure to be honest. I do belive that children come before a new partner and i guess if the children couldn't learn to love me, or at least get on with me, i would find it very difficult intruding in their lifes and taking up time with their father. And even if i did love him, if it was making me unhappy, i wouldn't be gaining anything and would probably be just as happy with out the man that with the agro and frustration of the children. Sometimes love isn't the easiest way to happiness
@lucy67 (819)
• China
13 Apr 07
i will think about what will happen if i marry him and then make the decision. if i love him so much that i can ignore anything the marriage will bring about, i will marry him. if i think the trouble after the marriage may cause harm to our relationship, perhaps i will quit the engagement.
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
13 Apr 07
First of all you didn't say how old these children were. I am a widow with three grown children. When I got back in touch with my first boyfriend in 1996 they were happy for me. Since he lived in the UK and I lived in the USA my youngest daughter and her husband booked me on a flight to come to England to see him. I did that in January 1997, stayed until May when I took him back to the USA with me. We have been together 10 years now and my kids love him and so do my grandkids. My opinion on these children is that they are being extremely selfish - and they certainly are not thinking about what their father wants in life and his happiness. If I was your friend I would marry tha man anyway and let the kids like it or limp it.
@nic_knick (741)
• China
13 Apr 07
my god. i am really ready to accept that such kind of magic still exists nowadays. gosh. maybei have to believe it. cool. if i am could be the lucky one. i would have thanked ur friend..........
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Just wondering about your friend..why hasn't she been introduced to her boyfriend's kids even while they were still dating or before the engagement? Anyway, if i was in her situation, I think I wouldnt make any rash decision or action. I would first try to spend some time with the kids and maybe i will be able to win their trust and acceptance. After all, it is just normal reaction for kids to be hostile against second or stepmoms because they feel that you are trying to replace their mom. If she really loves her fiancee, then she should at least try her best to win the hearts of his kids.
1 person likes this
@mzz663 (2773)
• United States
13 Apr 07
The kids are still missing their mom and aren't wanting your friend as a replacement and maybe they feel like their dad's being dis-loyala to their moms memory. Maybe your friends boyfriend should have a talk with his kids and let them know he still loves them, but he's lonely and enjoys your friends' company and he's not trying to replace her as their mom. I wouldn't quit the engagement, eventually those kids will leave home and the father will be lonelier than ever and if your friend loves him, she may miss out on the love of a lifetime and feel regrets later and be lonely herself.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Apr 07
I feel that she must quit the engagement. If she is having a disapproving attitude then better quit rather than facing problems with them and you also become a problem to them. Else avoid them,If you truly love him then you might take him as he is.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
if im in that situation, i think, i will not quit but i will not marry my bf immediately. first, i'll go for the children, i'll try to be close to them like friends. then if they still dont want me, i'll talk to them heart to heart for them to understand me and for me to understand them. then, if its all ok, we'll start a new life as one happy family.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
I would still marry the boyfriend. Maybe the kids didn't know about your friend when she was introduced so they were shocked and hurt at the thought of your friend replacing their mom. Maybe your friend could explain to the kids that she's not there to replace her. You may want to watch the movie Madrasta with your friend. Maybe the movie could help :)
1 person likes this
@mizrak07 (557)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Basing on the experience of my former lady boss, I think I will not go for it. She had a really difficult time with his seven children, all of them disapprove of her. It took her years to finally win and get their approval. There were times when she thought of giving up but she loves her husband so much she couldn't do it. What made it more difficult was she can't have her own child because of medical reasons on the part of her husband. Yes truly love can conquer all, but I prefer to start a family with a man who has no kids I need to adjust to. I don't want to spend years of my life in tears and heartaches for people who don't want me.
1 person likes this
@k1tten (2320)
• United States
13 Apr 07
If this had happened to me I would probably still marry him. I would feel even more uncomfortable but then I would still try to get them to accept me. It'd be hard but well worth it in the end. If they accepted me fine, if they didn't also fine.
1 person likes this
@4cuteboys (4102)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I would still marry the boyfriend. It isnt his fault, kids and kids and can be un-accepting at times. And they are probably sensitive because their mom passed away and they don't want your friend to replace her. It takes time with that kind of stuff, but they'll warm up to her if she keeps showing them love and kindness.
1 person likes this
@Lovett (465)
• India
13 Apr 07
Well I think if your friend is ready to face the hatred of her bf's children , then she should go for it, or else if not , she doesn't need to bother about it. It truly depends on how she can handle the situation after marriage, knowing that she might have to be strong till they finally accept her.
@ibsnet (1268)
• India
13 Apr 07
I think if she truly loves him then go for marriage. Since children are not that matured to understand everything at a moment. They can be made of to understand. And for the future of the students also a partner may be a good choice for her to marry the boyfriend.