Should I meet him?

China
April 13, 2007 7:01am CST
One of my ex-boy friends called me and told me he would come to see me in the near future. We used to be very good friends, the kind between ordinary friend and lover. We knew each other well, cared a lot about each other and enjoyed staying together talking, having short-distance trip, and sharing our feelings towards different things. As we were all married respectively we knew how to keep a proper distance between us. I cherish this nice feeling for many years even after he went abroad and never came back until a few days ago he contacted me and said he would come to see me. I don't not feel very excited at it. What's more, I feel it kind of betraying my husband though we have actually just had kind of close friendship. But I don't want to disappoint him nor want to hurt him. What should I do then?
7 responses
• Philippines
15 Apr 07
sorry for asking but why do you feel guilty? if you are no longer in love with your ex, then i don't find anything wrong about it. what i could suggest is that, you should invite your ex to your house so he could meet your husband. since you are friends, he might as well be your husband's friend. and he could also bring his wife so that you can meet her too. this can be a start of a better friendship for the four of you.
• China
15 Apr 07
I don't think I would do that. It's true that we are nolong in love with each other owing to the long separation, but still, both of us cherish the feeling that used to belong us two. I do, and I believe so does he. I also believe that was a pure and true feeling that I don't want anyone else to intrude and spoil it. It's kind of pychological self-controdicted, I know.
@tombiz (2039)
• Philippines
15 Apr 07
If your husband already know this bestfriend/ex-bf of yours, maybe it would be nice and acceptable if you invite him to have a dinner in your house together with your husband. That is if your husband is agreeable to the idea and not uncomfortable with the fact that he is your ex-bf. in any case, talk to your husband. If he could grant you to see him inside or outside your house, then go. If not, I think it is much better to explain to your ex-bf your concern on this matter. I think he will understand you.
• China
15 Apr 07
Maybe you are right. but do you really think a husband can tolerate his wife's meeting her ex-boyfriend even if it is a thing of the past? If I did it without notifying him, I might feel guilty, but if I told him that I'd have an apointment with that guy, he would be hurt. that's what puts me in a quandary.
• Philippines
15 Apr 07
Hello, I have just read your thread and I should say that you are so worried. I want to ask you something... why did you marry your husband? Definitely your answer was "I love that guy".... so why do you want to risk your marriage for your ex-boyfriend? If you're going to meet him what do you expect from your husband's initial reaction? What if the situation happens to your husband I mean to his ex-girlfriend who wants to meet him even though that she was already married to someone? What do you think you will feel? All these response that you're going to receive is a matter of opinions and options from different people. You have to think ten times before you decide. Try to look all the posible consequences that may result if you are going to meet your ex-boyfriend.
• China
15 Apr 07
Thank you Cathzsmile for your kind warning. AS a matter of fact, it's impossible that anything will happen between my friend and me. We just want to see each other and have a chat as we have seen each other for many years and we miss each other. Nothing has ever happened between us. What make me hesitate is even we will just have a chat, but there is a feeling more than friendship there between us. My hubby will never know that, still, I feel kind of uneasy.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Since he already knows your limitations as being just a friend, i think he should be able to understand if you decline the proposition to meet up with him. If you strongly feel that meeting up with him is kind of betraying your husband, then don't do it. If he is a real friend, he will not be hurt or disappointed, he will understand and you will both still be able to keep the friendship as it is without hurting your spouses.
• China
14 Apr 07
You are right. I'll give it a second thought before I take action. I'll try to make a kind of thing that won't give me sense of betraying neither lose this good friend. It's kind of challenging thing to do though.
• China
13 Apr 07
since you are married,you have to remind yourself you are just friends.then you won't hut anyone.face up to him!
• China
13 Apr 07
Thank you I'll always keep it in mind. I don't want to hurt the two families. As a matter of fact, he loves his family as well. We just have a closer relationship a little beyong friendship.
@cheribam (448)
• United States
13 Apr 07
Go ahead, meet him, but you should be accompanied by your husband.
• China
13 Apr 07
I don't think I would bring the two men together. It would hurt both. I want to keep the beautiful feeling we used to share between us two. on the other hand, I don't want to hurt my husband. Being honest is not always do people good. Do you agree?
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
ask yourself what you remember best about this guy. was he a good friend: someone you were able to share your problems with, listened to you when you just wanted to talk, etc... or what he a great lover: someone who satisfied you in bed, etc... then, make your decision from that as whether you should meet him or not... if you remember him best as a friend, then meet with him... who knows, you might end up finding your best friend again... if he is more of the lover to you, then you can opt to meet with him, but be careful not to fall under his charms again...