mommy wars

@mememama (3077)
United States
April 13, 2007 9:32am CST
Do you ever feel like your parenting choices are a war in playgroups, family, friends, and online communities? Let's see there's breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, cloth vs. disposable diapers, circumcision vs. intact, nonvaccinations vs. vaccinations vs. selective/delayed vaccinations, crib vs cosleeping, I'm sure I'm missing something but it seems like everything turns into a battle somedays! Do you feel like it's okay that others make different decisions and have strong views? Are all your friends on the same page when it comes to such choices? What has influenced your choices? I do find it more of a war zone online than anything else. I think that's because with friends and family, they have known who I am for a long time. Don't get me wrong, sometimes we do argue, but in the end we all know we're doing the best we can. With me, it's all good if you have a different view, as long as you are informed and don't attack me as a parent or berate me. My friends are all different, some are very mainstream, while others are very earthy. I've been influenced by my parents, research, and one special pediatrician.
4 people like this
7 responses
• United States
13 Apr 07
Sorry about that last one. I have been doing a lot of typing and for some reason the posts are not going through. They are erroring out. Oh well. To the point now - YES! I go to storytime at the library sometimes and I feel like everything I do is under scrutiny. I don't know why it has to be like that. Right now I am trying to figure out how to deal with the next big judgement against my parenting. You see, I and my family are vegetarians. My children have never eaten meat. My 5 year old will be starting full day kindergarten in the fall so he will be having lunch at school. School systems don't seem to be all to accomodating to vegetarian children and neither are most other parents. I have had to defend my decision on this before and I know I will have to again soon. I don't understand why there has to be all of this judgement. We each have our reasons for doing what we do and we should all respect that. My children are very healthy and always have been. Both of them have been at the top of the charts for their growth charts. Oh well. Good topic and a hard one to deal with. Hope this post works this time! :)
2 people like this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
13 Apr 07
oh I bet you hear "but they don't get their protein"! I used to be a vegetarian, we don't eat much now. But even when my son was a little baby, people were telling me he needed that meat protein! When I was in highschool, they weren't accomodating to my diet, a group of us students asked for more options, they started making cheese pizza lol. Whoopee!
2 people like this
• United States
13 Apr 07
:):):) Cheese pizza - now there is a nutritious and well balanced lunch! :) Yes I hear about the protein thing quite a bit. That is probably the first thing people bring up. You understand how it goes.
2 people like this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
14 Apr 07
I think people can be very opinionated on certain subjects. I guess parenting can be ne of them, for I suppose though people may not realise it at the time, i is one of, if not the most, signifigant thing you can do in your life. Flubbing that job up is not a good idea! I guess that is why such discussions can get so heated. For me, I think it is best for people to have different takes on things, even child rearing, because the world would be such a dull place if we were all standard issue, wouldn't it?
2 people like this
@nica269 (1399)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I don't find it a mommy war, but I do find some opposition, but not from online, from strangers mostly. I think that it's 100% easier to 'attack' someone on their parenting choices online, because you don't have to 'see' them.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Apr 07
OK..I typed a long response and it didn't take for some reason (the third post that has happened on this a.m.) Let me see if this takes...
2 people like this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
15 Apr 07
I think the longer you parent, the more confident you become in your decisions and hopefully the less you feel the need to compete with other mothers. When I was a new mom, (so many moons ago)I constantly felt like I was defending my choices. My first born is now an adult with a child of his own. I have a 13yo, a 4 yo and one on the way. There aren't many parenting choices I haven't encountered dozens of times and I am confident (almost always) that I know what works for us. I will debate my beliefs in places like mylot, because I enjoy the debate and sometimes I learn something new from them and perhaps someone learns something new from me. I won't defend my choices in real life nor will I attack another mother's choices.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 07
I actually only disagree with my own mother and my mother in-law about my parenting style. The one thinks that I am too harsh with my children and the other one thinks that I am too easy with them! Go figure. As for other issues I have really never had any arguements or disagreements with my family or friends on them. I guess we all just agreed on that stuff. lol
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
I think mommies are talking based on their experiences. I don;t think that it is mommy war! I think they are suggesting based on thier own personal experience and they don't want other babies and moms to experience the same.babies are the victims here not the mommy. So i guess it is only a suggestions on the part of mommy and they should take it negatively so that there wouldn't be any arguments!Goodluck!