Do you tell them?

@breepeace (3024)
Canada
April 13, 2007 1:38pm CST
My boyfriend has 2 younger brothers. One just moved here from our hometown, and the other still lives there. I was talking with the one who moved here about the other brother and his girlfriend and he mentions that he's seen his brother's girlfriend out with another guy, and that he witnessed them kissing each other in the bar before he left town. His brother was out of country in Thailand on vacation. He's really torn, he wants to be loyal to his brother and say something about it, but then he also doesn't want to be painted the bad guy and get involved in their business when it'll probably all come out soon anyway, but now it's a little worse. His brother just announced to his family that he's planning to propose to his girlfriend in the next month or so. :( He's come to me for advice but I don't know what to tell him. First his brother could be upset no one told him sooner, especially his own brother. But then if no one tells him, he could propose to her and lose a lot more if he discovers the woman he wants to marry was cheating while he was away.
7 people like this
21 responses
• United States
13 Apr 07
I know this sounds devious but nothing is more apparent than evidence. I would get a picture of the two and somehow get that to the brother. Because as much as I would love to be able to talk love is very blinding but he needs to find out somehow. That is the best way I could think of, or get someone who knows both and have them witness it and tell the brother. Bottom line he needs to be told.
@simplysue (631)
• United States
13 Apr 07
He should be honest with his brother. If he isn't honest, the brother who plans to propose will never have the opportunity to find out what was going on with this other guy. If they were in a committed relationship at that time he has a right to know. The woman who he intends to marry will never have a chance to explain herself. If she doesn't come clean this will be something that stands in the way of the couple ever finding true happiness with each other. If this comes out in the open, the worst thing that can happen is that they will break up. Better for him to find out before he proposes than after.
2 people like this
@breepeace (3024)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
Thanks! That's what I was leaning towards.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
14 Apr 07
what about getting proof like pictures and sending them to him in the mail? someone needs to tell him before he makes the mistake of marrying this girl.
@breepeace (3024)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
Like I mentioned in the first post, this happened back in our hometown, and we generally tend to go there infrequently. It was only because my boyfriend's brother was living there, prior to moving here, that he saw anything untoward. And plus, their brother is back from Thailand now.
@Akeela (2079)
• Trinidad And Tobago
13 Apr 07
get his email address and i'll tell trust me if you have better proof send i'll do it i have two email address i'll do dont let make a fool of himself please....
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3024)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
There's no proof other than what his brother saw with his own two eyes.
@my2luvs (158)
• United States
13 Apr 07
Does your boyfriend know about this? Maybe since hes the older bro he could talk to him. If it was me I would tell my brother about a cheating girlfriend. Theres no way I would want him to marry soeone who cant stay faithful when they are just dating.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3024)
• Canada
13 Apr 07
He doesn't. His brother swore me to secrecy, and we've been friends for longer than I've known my boyfriend so I don't want to ruin that. My boyfriend also has a habit of trying to 'fix' everything, and stresses out about it until it's 'fixed', so I don't want to throw this on him.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
14 Apr 07
Since a marriage proposal is in the cards, I would drop sme heavy hints but I think I would stop short of coming straight out and saying what happened. If he becomes suspicious, he will be ble to find out from someone. If they weren't getting married, I wouldn't get involved at all!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
14 Apr 07
If it were me, i'd be inclined to tell my brother that, i'd really hate to see him get hurt. That way he can decide what to do with the information i have given him. If he wants to ignore it, then that's fine but if he wants to try & find out whether it's true than that's all good too. I think having the knowledge & not sharing it with the person who could get very hurt is a little inconsiderate. Maybe the brother who knows the bad news could let his other brother know that he's pretty sure he saw the girlfriend with another man while he was away & then just let him know it's up to him what he does about it. You'd hate to see the brother get married to a cheater. Good Luck :)
1 person likes this
@jhuggi57 (19)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I think the brother who saw his brother's girlfriend with the other guy should give his maybe soon to be sister-in-law an ultimatum that if she don't tell the brother about the affair, he will tell him before the proposal, and let his brother decide if he still wants to marry her. Rather than letting his brother marry her and find out about it later. Hopefully before they have children.
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I would definitely have to say something!!! I would feel terrible if he did propose and then found out later that she was a sk*nk!! Try to get together with the other brothers and figure out a plan on when to tell him, you can all be there to support him and just let him know what is going on with her.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
14 Apr 07
in my opinion, it's better to tell...if he keep it as secret.. then his brother will suffer more in the future.. come on.. it's not easy to accept the one u love betray u right? :)
@breepeace (3024)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
No, this is true.
• United States
14 Apr 07
If it were me, I'd counsel the brother to tell his brother. It's a no-win situation really because he's either going to be mad nobody told him, or he's going to be mad at the brother because maybe he doesn't believe him. If he can get some kind of evidence or find out if anyone else has seen anything so that it's not just his word that would help, and I would suggest he try that first before talking to his brother. Another thing to consider is are we talking about a romantic kiss or are we talking about a peck on the lips? While that can still be a touchy subject for guys, it could very well be she was just out with a close friend and his brother happened to see the tail end of meeting and quick goodbye kiss. I would be very sure of the facts and get back up evidence before I spoke to the brother if it were me.
@breepeace (3024)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
Evidently, it appeared to be a passion filled liplock, but again, being that he's a guy that could be subjective. I know what you mean, I used to live with 2 gay men who were very close friends and we'd give each pecks on the lips a lot, which was something my boyfriend could never understand. Thankfully because they were both VERY gay, he never questioned it, so it wasn't an issue. I'll have to bring that up and see what he says. Thanks for the comments!
• United States
29 Apr 07
Family first. Enough said.
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
14 Apr 07
My theory is this...I dont want people in my business so I stay out of others. he will find out eventually about the girlfriend and what she is capable of. And telling the brother might jsut cause tension between those two,
• United States
14 Apr 07
No matter what the outcome, I would definately be loyal and tell my brother what I saw. Even if it makes him mad at me or hedoesn't believe me or whatever. At least he can never say that I didn't try. If I found out that my sisters knew that my husband was cheating on me, then I would be SOOO mad at them. I know that he is in a very hard place right now, but telling his brother what he saw is the right thing to do. At least in my opinion. Good luck to you all.
@emisle (3823)
• Ireland
14 Apr 07
I think he should tell his brother the truth. And to avoid maddening his brother further he should just state what he saw and not offer any advice. Let his brother make up his mind all on his own.
@SatoNa (247)
• Indonesia
14 Apr 07
I think he should told her brother to ask his girlfriend before he proposes her, is she very love him.. But I better choose to tell him the truth. well, maybe he will angry, or doesn't believe.. but it will make him think about it.. then maybe he can look for the truth about her girlfriend.. he can see by her SMS or photo maybe? or if she go somewhere, he can follow her? I don't think it's a good opinion.. but I can't think the better one.. "
@rubiana6 (270)
• Brazil
14 Apr 07
i think the cheathed brother has to know the truth. But oin the other side, he has to know the truth not from a family member. This can damage the family. I think its the best it has to be done indirect, thorugh a friend of the family, or even an anonymous letter. normally i dont like these anonymous things, but in this case i see no better chioce. to say just nothing and let the brother continue to be fooled, i would noit get, and tell him direct, also not. Maybe he loves his girlfriend so much that he would hate more the family member who tells about the cheating than the cheater herself. or he would be too shamed in front of the family.
@smilyia (45)
14 Apr 07
so ,i will tell them about my feeling .
@goldjay (465)
• United States
14 Apr 07
If it were me, I would tell the brother what was seen in an objective manner so as not to seem like the bad guy. Tell him you don't know if it was all innocent or not but that he should investigate on his own and find out the real story.
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
That is sure to be a hard situation, I think taking risk is the best one. If the brother tell it to his brother then I think his brother will become to dubious about since he loves her so much that he will proposed to her. Myabe the best way is to have a an actual proof about it, voicing it out is not enough.