My ex-husband's new wife wants to be friends
By avonrep1
@avonrep1 (1862)
United States
April 15, 2007 7:48pm CST
Okay, has anyone else experienced something like this.
My exhusband and I don't really get along all that well, he is immature and don't take care of his son like he should.
Anyways he is in Ramdi Iraq right now, he new wife, keeps calling me on the phone to chit chat. Now I am always polite to her, though she has never even showed an interest in my son till recently.
The other day she calls me up, telling me how to raise my son. Which rubs me the wrong way anyways, she is younger than me with no kids of her own, and is giving me advice about raising my children.
But the things that gets me the most, is she want to go hang out for a girls night out. WTF I don't want to be friends or hang out with my ex-husands new wife, come on now. Being real about it, who would want to hang out with their ex's new spouse.
I don't want to be rude to her about it or anything, but how do I tell her, that I don't want to be friends with her. We have nothing in common except for the fact, I use to be married to her husband and have a kid by him.
She has even said, that she don't want to be a parent to my son. I am his mother, and she can never ever replace me, just as my new husband can't replace my son's father. But my son feels he has two daddy's and feels like he is special because of it.
Before my ex was shipped off to Iraq, if he had to work on the weekend that he was to have our son, he would call to reschedule it because he new wife, won't watch him while he is at work. She would rather him not she his son, and has told others that.
What do I say, so I don't make a tense situation a bad one? Anyone have any suggestions? And please do not suggest being friends with her, because I am not open to that. I am an easy going person and I have remained friends with different ex's in my past, and hang out with them and their spouses now.
But I really do not like this girl. It don't have nothing to do with my ex husband either, it has to do with my son. I want him to be loved unconditionally when he is at his dad's and his step mother don't make him feel like he has a home there.
I even feel a little sorry for my ex husband, she told me that she is thinking about divorce already, if he don't seek consoling when he gets back from Iraq, outside the what the military offers their soliders upon return.
4 people like this
6 responses
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
16 Apr 07
There are two points I have to raise here. One is you said you don't like your ex-husband's new wife. Another is she already started telling you that she has an intention to divorce your ex-husband. If I were you, I would keep her at a distant so that you won't get the blame afterwards as you never know what she would mess up if you were friends of her.
If she is really a lovely and nice girl, I don't have any reasons to keep her at a distant.
Frankly I am very good friend with hubby's ex. We can go out for a drink or meal because she is a nice person.
Hope this can help. Good luck!
3 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
16 Apr 07
That was my thought about it, also. I don't want to be blamed for anything that goes on between them. They both are very childish in their natures and I am an adult, I want adults around me. LOL
I am not saying she isn't a nice person, I don't really know her to say if she is nice or not. I just want her to keep her opinions on raising children to herself. I also don't want to be "Friends" with her.
I am really good friends with a guy I date when I was a teenager, he is married now and I am friends still with him and his wife. There are certain people you can be friends with after the relastionship is over and others that you just can't be.
I can be nice and friendly for my son, but I don't want to be friends. She called me again this morning, it is aggervating. I think she don't have any friends, why else would she want to be friends with her husband's ex wife, that she knows he isn't over yet.
Yeah, my ex husband would love for us to get back together. Not an opition in my book, we originally got married for the wrong reasons. I know now it could never work, that is why I divorced him.
I wonder if it is her insecurity knowing that he isn't over me, is why she has been bugging me lately, wanting to go hang out.
3 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
17 Apr 07
My thoughts are very similar to yours on this. Thanks for your reply. I really don't want to be involved in the middle of it.
Though I don't want to be friends with my ex husband, he isn't totally 100% a creep. He has good points, and really don't deserve to be treated that way. I guess you would say me and him are on some what friend terms.
I really didn't intend for him to come to me with his problems, but he does and I just listen. Before he went over seas he would tell me different things and problems he is having in his life. Even what his plans for his future is.
I guess I don't mind it as much, because I am glad, he lets me know what is going on with his life, so I know what is going on with my son's when he is with his father. He has his problems, but under neath it all when he matures, he will be a good man.
I saw a change in him, when he came back for two weeks for a visit from Iraq, there was indeed a major change. I don't know if it is for the good, or the bad. But I do find it honorable that he is following his dreams, and feels he is defending his country.
Hopefully, this experience makes him more mature.
1 person likes this
@AJ1952Chats (2331)
• Anderson, Indiana
16 Apr 07
I had a long answer prepared to go here, but the site got to acting nasty around that time--and, when I was able to get on again, I was told I didn't yet have the status to paste in a bunch of material, so, instead, I've posted the response elsewhere (in my MyLot blog) and will be linking you to it here:
http://tinyurl.com/yvhpx2
@AJ1952Chats (2331)
• Anderson, Indiana
16 Apr 07
Sounds as if Jeremy keeps getting hooked up with drama queens--and he probably wants you back because you're the only sane one in the bunch and he knows it.
Fortunately, because you ARE sane, he might as well (as Donovan sang) try to catch the wind, because it will be an Antarctic day in hell when you even consider returning to him.
Maybe, he should go sell ice to the Eskimos, because he'd be more successful there.
Next time that Jeremy's wife calls, tell her that you have enough drama in your life and that she should go to counseling--with or without Jeremy--to see what she really wants and if her marriage can be saved (if both she and Jeremy want it to be).
Meanwhile, as I said before, Jeremy should never marry again while he's still carrying a torch for you, because it's not fair to anyone who would be his wife.
It's fine for him to always love you but never to the point that he would leave a current marriage in a heartbeat if you were to take him back.
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
16 Apr 07
AJ she really is someone who I don't want to be friends with. She is the type of person who talks about people behind their backs.
I know because she complains about her mother in-law to me. She isn't telling me nothing, I don't already know about her, but it is wrong for her to complain to me about it.
I have nothing agaist my son's grandmother, alot of our problems was caused by Jeremy's previous GF. She would call CPS on me saying she was Jeremy's mother and would tell lies to them about me.
Thankfully, CPS saw through the lies and durning an agruement once his GF admitted all the stuff she had done. I apoligized to his mother for keep Karl away from her, but what else was I suppose to do, when I thought she was calling CPS on me every other week.
I just don't want the drama. My life is busy enough without it being like a soap opera. lol
4 people like this
@Willowlady (10657)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I would appreciate a woman not wanting to usurp my status for my son. I don't think I would have a problem befriending a lady probably going through what you already did. I guess you should just tell her to go do her own thing and leave you out of it. I wish you luck, he has a tough time since he is not such a great guy except for serving in the military.
2 people like this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
27 Apr 07
Sounds like yours ex's wife is very immature. I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends with her. Your son as you said needs to know he is loved unconditionally. At his natural dad's house you would have to wonder what kind of treatment he is getting from the wife. There is no easy solution and I for one would not suggest you be her friend. The best you could do is come right out and tell her you have no interest in being her friend. In a nice way of course. I would explain that you and her have nothing in common. You are in a hard situation and I will pray for you.
1 person likes this
@twils2 (1812)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I think I would just tell her straight out that you arent friends and you will never be friends. It seems she is lonely and seeking friends where ever she might find them but its obvious you cant be that person. I might also tell her that when she has kids of her own, then she can try out her own advice. Take care!
2 people like this
@little_angel (2458)
• Australia
26 Apr 07
Just ignore her, maybe she had something bad thinking with you.
If she really want to divorce why she always bugging you with her story and talking about your son.
She is a bad girl, as i know i don't want to have any chit chat with my husband's ex wife. But if i had cruel plan to make her suffer i will make her a call.
Just ignore her and tell her if you are too busy to heard what she is talking about.
2 people like this
