What would you do if your ex fiancee's coming back to you?!

United States
April 16, 2007 7:22am CST
what if your fiancee happened to be cheating on you? you then found out.. he didn't deny or anything.. you met someone new.. you ignore ex fiancee's calls.. you don't call him back.. you found out that he'll be coming over.. you asked your friend to pick you up before lunchtime just to avoid him.. when you got home the same day, you saw a bouquet of flowers and an envelope.. you opened up the envelope.. you saw the engagement ring that once was an everyday accessory.. what would you do? the flowers, you can put it in a vase.. but how about the ring??!!! should you call and ask? should you mail it back? should you just ignore it and pretend you didn't receive anything? what would you do?!
7 people like this
20 responses
@rsa101 (23679)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
The best thing for you to do is to confront him and make the formal breakup. Avoiding him would just make things worse. You should make some closure to this relationship before you enter into another one. It is for the betterment of you and your fiancee. If you could not make it by yourself maybe bring with you a trusted friend around so that your friend could watch over you while the two of you can talk. If still that's not possible then write him a letter and I guess send it via your common friend at least that way he would know where he stands and maybe he coudl finally moved on too.
• United States
17 Apr 07
actually, we already broke up.. i just didn't elaborate further.. but the sense that i returned the ring in the first place was our formal break up.. thanks for your comment..
@rsa101 (23679)
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
Ok maybe confront him for the last time and try to let him know that you're already moving on with your life. If he still insist then you really don't have any choice but to avoid her. :D
• Bangladesh
16 Apr 07
This is a problem of individual dimension of ego. I f you think that it is enough to judge ur fiancee whether what is his/her true colour is..than it will be easier for you to decide whether you will invite or avoid him/her. Every incedence dont show one's true intension.So keep patience and keep away ego for a somewhile and observe the situation and than take final dicision.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Apr 07
i want to avoid him.. that is my decision.. he cheated on me.. and that's a fact.. i just don't know what to do with the ring.. i don't want to keep it with me and i don't want to talk to him either.. thanks for your response..
• United States
16 Apr 07
I believe in the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" He cheated on you. That's blatant disrespect. His actions show that he is a thoughtless, egotistical creep. His relationship with the other woman, for what ever reasons, didn't work out. So now he wants to come crawling back to you and tell you how sorry he is and please forgive him? If you do, then that will just reinforce his actions as ok. What makes you think he wont do it again? Because he's saying how sorry he is? You need to put your foot down and let him know that what he did is NOT ok, and not forgivable. You have moved on and found someone else. Is this new man in your life treating you right? Do you care for him (the new guy), is there maybe a chance of a future for you 2? Why jeopardize that by trying to rekindle a lost love with someone who made it very obvious that he considers you a puppet that can be put up when he finds another "toy" to play with? You're young, why waste time on a loser?
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 07
wow! thanks for that response.. you are absolutely right.. every word.. thank you..
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
16 Apr 07
I would have never given it back in the first place because it was yours, and he gave it to you and not to take back
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 07
I have to disagree with you bad1981.....an engagement ring is considered a promise ring. If the engagement is called off, the ring is to be returned. A wedding ring is a commitment and if one of the parties strays from that commitment, then the ring belongs to the person it was given to, to do as they wish. This could be dependent on which state you live in also, but most judges will order an engagement ring returned.
• India
16 Apr 07
If your fiancee loves you he will come back. Have patience, time and experience teaches and reveals everytime.If your fiancee doesnot come back, take it granted that he was never yours,So just forget it. But under all the circumstances you fgot to be calm, taking no action on your initiative, because it is useless to try to strike a deal without having atleast one more party. A deal is likely to struck only when both the paries involved are interested. So wait. In long run the one who is calm and composed wins.Keep the ring put it in a safe vault for future reference when and and where it might need
1 person likes this
@abednego7 (1060)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
You should ask your heart, what it feels should affect your decision. If there's a spark of love then I think you should sit it down and think it over again. Perhaps you could give him another chance or should I say last chance. But if your feeling is already gone, then you could end that relationship once and for all. Talk to him honestly and tell what's in your mind and heart. If he loves you, he may get hurt but its better this time that latter.
1 person likes this
@lester800 (161)
• China
16 Apr 07
maybe you should have a talk with him just express your feeling to him
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
17 Apr 07
I would definately send the ring back, if i didnĀ“t have an adress then i would mail it to his parents or a friend of his.. If I have nothing of this I would probably sell the ring *lol* he does not deserve qa secound chanse, especially if u are with someone now that makes u happy..
• United States
18 Apr 07
yeah, that's what i was thinking too.. thanks for the response..
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
if your ex fiance' cheated on you once, there's a possibility that he'll do that again. like the saying, a thief is always a thief. a liar is always a liar. the two of you had your chance and he wasted it. he cheated on you during the special part of your relationship. men are just so hard to trust sometimes. what if he's only trying to get back to you again, because he and his other lady didn't work out? the new guy you met is perhaps better because there's a reason for everything right? your past didnt work out. you were fooled. and your new guy is like a sign of another start into a happy relationship, new love, new life.
• United States
18 Apr 07
exactly.. my bf is such a wonderful person in general.. as a bf, as a son, a brother, a friend.. everything.. he's just heaven sent.. to me and to everyone he knows.. lucky me..
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
17 Apr 07
i had been in such a situation years ago. i was supposed to be married two times and yet, before marriage vows happened, i found those exes cheated on me... many times actually. one of my exes had her mom talked to me about getting him back. i am in a healthy and happy relationship now with my present boyfriend. and even if we're in a long distance relationship, i respect and love my boyfriend so much and i will never cheat on him. this is what i told my exe's mom. as for you, if you are already inlove with someone who is worth your time and love, better not get back to an ex who already broke your heart. why? to get heart broken again? to get cheated on again? no way. i'd rather be with the person who deserves my attention so much and be thankful. you can always put the flowers on the vase. the ring? well, you know what to do. ask your heart and brain on what to do about it. listen to them... you'll surely know what to do then.
• United States
17 Apr 07
wow! you should really be one tough chick! thanks for the response..
• United States
16 Apr 07
I'm not a cheater. As such, it would be very difficult for me to forgive a cheater. I don't think I could find it in my heart to take him back. There are, however, exceptions to almost every rule.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
17 Apr 07
yep. if you aren't a cheater, it's always difficult to accept the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you... you don't deserve such a treatment. that's why most of the time, we no longer give them the right to take them back for we are scared to be cheated on again.
@id_pop (293)
• Philippines
22 Apr 07
Be direct, respond to him and tell him that - on the condition that it really is - your relationship's over. That's better than waiting for him to get tired of sending over gifts to your place, which I think would lead up to a confrontation anyway. So just cut the charade and tell him how you feel.
@nkkyluv (83)
• Nigeria
17 Apr 07
I feel the best way to handle this situation is to have a heart to heart talk with him, make him explain what led to his action in the first place, as in, what really went wrong because it wont be just right to keep on avoiding him or receiving his gifts without knowing what led to the breakup. If whateve he says seems convincing to you, watch him for sometime before allowing him into ur life again, u can receive the flower but not the ring cos it means a whole lot, send back the ring and when you feel you are convinced he's turned a new leaf, u can then take back the ring.
@neerajm (111)
• India
17 Apr 07
past has to be buried and forgotten.future is unpredictable the present belongs to us thus this is what has to be nurtured and made better to lead a happy and peacefull life.
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
17 Apr 07
Well i think he was trying to say sorry when he gave you the flowers and trying to have you back with the engagement ring... I think send him back the engagement ring... if you dont want him back anymore or you're not ready to take him back. THen wait to hear something from him after he receive the ring back... then if he do anything...then talk to him. if not, then forget about it and go on with your own life...
• Malaysia
17 Apr 07
the best way is you need to talk about it with him face to face.there is no use of avoiding from him.if he really regretted that he cheated you and wanted to go back to you then you should talk about it with him.then ask your heart do you still have any feelings towards him??if you do have then you might re-consider accepting him back.but before you accept him back make sure he wouldn't try to cheat you again.if you are sure then just go ahead.but if you are seeing a new person then you need to consider which is the person you love right now.if it is the new guy then move on with him.but if it is you ex fiancee then you might need to tell the truth to both of them.if you decided not to accept you ex again then you just call him and return the ring.that time tell him straight stop wasting your time and you no longer loved him.better be clear with everything before any misunderstandings happen
@Zelmarq (12362)
• Cebu City, Philippines
17 Apr 07
Well they say that love is sweeter the second time around but it depends really on you. You have been to that kind of relationship and you have experienced something good or bad with the guy. But if it happens to me I will have to think it over and over again and let the wound heal first, I dont want to add another pain by accepting his sweet promises this time. I'd return the ring, it will not longer serve the purpose so there's no point in keeping it. Let the pain give you the lesson that it was served to give you.
@gemini1960 (1162)
• Philippines
16 Apr 07
examine yourself if you still love him..its you who got to decide since its your future at stake here..as for the flowers it depend on your reactions on how your going to deal with it..
• United States
16 Apr 07
Only u would know best but I would say try to make it work If he cheated and he is sorry give him a try then again let him know how you feel because If he forgot about you for a moment to please himself then he is not worth it
@omrianis (37)
• Tunisia
16 Apr 07
for real if she quit me for anorher person i didn't accept her.but if the problem is about a point of vew i accept her because we do not all have the same ideas