You might be a redneck if...

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1-You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles. 2-You spit on your own floor. 3-You cut your toenails in front of company. 4-You think "social consciousness" means how well you can hold your alcohol. 5-You car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it. 6-People come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business. 7-Your third grade class had a non-smokng section. 8-You have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a shelf in your trailor. 9-You refuse to slide in softball because you don't want to cruch you cigarettes. 10-You think "Ross Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early. 11-You use the shaving cream for tough beards.....and so does your husband. 12-Someone askes you "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer "She's at home with the kids" 13-You've ever vacationed in a rest area. 14-You don't need a clean shirt to go to work. 15-Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels. 16-When describing your kids you use the phrase "dumb as a brick". 17-You've ever participated in a burp-off. 18-You send your kid in for treatment because you think he's hooked on phonics. 19-Your masseause uses lard. 20-You've ever lost your wife in a poker game. 21-You taught you children how to play "Pull my finger". 22-You wipe your feet before you walk out of your house. 23-Your church has a "happy hour". 24-You have three first names. 25-You've ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle. Well, some of these may qualify me as a redneck, but I don't care. Do you think this is funny? I do. And I must say, my son has three first names. Do any of these ring true for you? Tell me what you think of these.