April 20, 2007 3:32am CST
Yes I need my space! I can't help it. I dont' know why I am this way but I am! I need to have a certain amount of time to myself each day or at least every other day. If I dont' get it. I find I will stay up late just to get it. I just veg out. Be it on the computer playing a game, writing in writing groups or watching Jay Leno. I crave time alone. I am busy all day long lately. It seems that every free moment to myself the phone will ring or someone in the house calls me to do this and that or something, anything! I babysit my granddaughter everyday while my daughter is in nursing school. Most nights they stay for dinner and by the time they go home it is 8 pm at night, or they spend the night because it is easier for my daughter to study her schooling while I am here to keep an eye on our precious little one. I have no problem with that. However in the back of my mind I am thinking soon I will have time to be by myself. If things happen so I dont' get that time I feel frustrated. Which is often lately due to the fact that everyone seems to have this enternal sensor that says mom, wife, grandma, friend has a spare moment. I have always tried to not take that frustration out on anyone but lately I just feel like screaming. The time I give you is your time. But my time is my time so go home. I begin to feel frustrated because my day is over and I have had no time to myself. I dont' do anything useful with that time. I just like to be by myself. Tonight I feel bad. I told my daughter we could go shopping but I wanted to be home by nine o'clock so I could have the rest of the evening alone. My hubby is out of town. I have both grandchildren for most of the weekend and I just want to feel like I get time to be alone and surf the net and write or watch Jay like I said and drink my cup of tea. Well we did not get in the door tell after nine. My little grand daughter needed her medicine she is taking for stomach problems. My daughter is slow getting things together and by the time they were out of here tonight it was 10:30. Late for my granddaughter but that doesn't happen to often. I was feeling frustrated. I wanted time to myself to enjoy without being up late. Then being tired tomorrow. I hate myself for being like this. For feeling like I need time alone. If I were doing something more productive with my time I wouldn't feel so bad but I am not. Does anyone out there crave to have time to themselves?
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