an honest opinion badly needed

Philippines
April 20, 2007 3:06pm CST
Its just one of the time that i really need someone to listen... I guess for better judgement with my situation... Im separated from my husband and living with my new found love... there is no problem between us... he loves my kids as his own... but there is a problem with his family... I guess his family is not favor of our relationship...as in his whole family... Everytime they come over...I feel that they dont see me...as if i dont exist... I really hate the feeling... This day his cousins came over...we were staying in tyhe same house but they dont talk to me nor look at me... what is more painful... my man entertains his cousins and not even considering whats going on... he doesnt talk to me as well... im not against him entertaining his cousins but I feel he was too insensitive not to see that i look like a big idiot in the whole scenario... Then her sister came over and shouted to his kuya (my man) that he should give anew set of clean bed cover to the visitor... I feel insulted really... she knows that Im the woman in the house... and should have think that I know what to do... what is she trying to imply??? i really hate it... Im mad!!! really mad!!! What hurts me most is when I talk to my man about it... I was the one who looked like thinking lots of things against her... What bothers me... is that my man is not doing anything between us and his family... atleast im expecting that he would try to explain to them... What i really hate in the situation is when somebody is treating me like a big bunch of fool... I dont care if they dont like me... there is nothing I can do...but am i overreacting??? I need an honest thought...
3 people like this
5 responses
@natalie1981 (2000)
• Singapore
17 May 07
Sorry you had to go through that. I think it's really hard. You should try to talk to your boyfriend about that. Tell him how you feel, don't overreact or speak in a loud voice coz he would think you're nagging. But I always think that, what other people thinks doesn't matter. What matters is that you love each other. Maybe your boyfriend does know about how his family doesn't like you and maybe he has talked to them about it but he just couldn't change their minds.
• Philippines
17 May 07
Well I believe youre right... thank you for your respnse. As of now were ok... I guess things are wrking well between us.
1 person likes this
@trinihd (996)
• United States
20 Apr 07
Wow! Overreacting? I don't think so. If I had a boyfriend and he treated me the way you describe, it would be grounds for a break-up! There is no way I would accept that kind of disrespect from anyone, much less the man who is supposed to be the "love" of my life. I think this man obviously does not care very much for you, despite how he may be towards your children. If he loved you he would tell his family they need to treat you with respect and not ignore you because he would know that their behaviour would be upsetting to you and he would care about making you happy. The fact that he*joins* in their behaviour, also ignoring you is very disrespectful and not at all the way I would expect a loving boyfriend to behave. I don't know. Maybe I have different standards but I think there is no way he really loves you. Unless he doesn't have a clue what real love is...and that, sadly is a very distinct possibility. If you love and respect yourself, you cannot (and should not have to) accept that kind of behaviour in your own home no matter who pays the bills. If you are at the relatives' homes and they treat you like that, then I suppose there is nothing you can really do even if you try to complain to your boyfriend, but in your own home, you have a right to be treated with respect and your boyfriend should expect and demand better behaviour from his relatives if he really loves you. I would really like to know what is his excuse for treating you with the same disrespect that the others did...did you call him on his behaviour or did you only complain about his sister? I think they are clearly seeing that your "man" will not stand up for you that's why they know they can get away with anything. You need to stand up for yourself and tell this man that he cannot treat you like that and pretend to love you. If he continues his actions, then you may have to think about getting out of his life or getting him out of yours. He does not deserve you if he cannot show you love and respect.
• Philippines
21 Apr 07
That in time they will ba able to accept us... Whats hurting me most is that when he tries to act as if hes not upset me being treted that way... I feel really bad I almost want the floor to open up and et me alive... then seeing him laughing with them...as if he doesnt care if i they treated me that way... I guess its also the reason why they ignore me... my bf showing that its ok... the hell! I really feel bad.
1 person likes this
@trinihd (996)
• United States
9 May 07
It sounds to me that he really does not love you if he is laughing at you as well. That makes it worse. Do you really need him that much? I would leave. I would never settle for that kind of treatment. I know you deserve better. Every human being deserves better. Maybe it is time to give him an ultimatum and be prepared to leave him if he does not change his attitude towards you. Unless it is that you are really just overreacting....but it sounds to me like you are not. Unless it is in his nature to be always laughing and making fun of people. Some people are like that, and the best response is to ignore them, but this is someone you live with and if you cannot ignore his attitude and not feel hurt by it, then you should make a choice and let him know that you are making that choice because of him. If he really loves you then he must be willing to change that aspect of his personality so that you do not feel hurt by his actions. Is there anything that you enjoy as a couple? I mean is there anything worth saving in this relationship? Can you remember why you "fell in love" with him? Do you still have fun together? You need to assess whether or not this relationship is still working for you and make a decision to either let it go, or let the issue go...you have to do something to change your current state of emotions. In order to be happy, you can either ignore him or leave him. I wish you all the best in your decision. Remember you deserve love and respect!
• Philippines
12 May 07
Yes... I remember lots of good things about him... Right now... His family is having a big problem financially... and they demand us to shoulder some of the expenses in their family... I understand taht... but I guess they dont have to demand to their son as if he has no family at all (we consider ourselves family since we're living together) Sometimes I just want o leave him but I cant... I understand how he feels... he just cant leave his family like that. I know he love me... im sure about it... The problem is he hada family thats hard to take.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
no you are not over reacting the pain you feel is what I went through with my ex and it does hurt The only advice to you that I can give is top let his family know that you are part of it and the least they could do was except youasa part of the family if nothing more just talk to you I hope that every thing works out for you
@evangleen (219)
• India
20 Jun 07
Hey you are quite right and you ain't over reacting. I myself am in a relationship and I know how it feels. Sometimes when you are not taken seriously... it really hurts. Sometimes partners start taking you for granted and as they do so they start giving more value to others. Its really difficult to not to act in such situations, and if you really don't act then you will forever be take for granted. But you should always go to it easy and in a loving manner, than a panicing manner. Panicing will always give different visual. So take care on how you approach the matter and show him what value he holds in your life and then show him what was wrong.
• New Zealand
20 Jun 07
Dont let them not see you for a start get in their face say hello put your hand out to be shaken. Ask them if they want a drink something to eat etc. When they start talking be there and put in your opinions. If they are staying state the fact you have changed the beds and put clean sheets on etc. Tell them you are happy to see them etc. If he sees you making all the effort and them not he will probably take a stand. If he dosent then say something to him.