I sometimes wonder why I have been through so much, why?

United States
April 20, 2007 7:48pm CST
I try to tell myself that I didn't deserve all of the abuse, but how can one recieve it all there life and not have it coming? I have suffered abuse as a child into my adult life with serious relationships. Well, this may sound crazy to others, but we all have different beliefs, right? I believe in reincarnation and that each life reflect from one to the next life. I believe that you have to always suffer from you bad actions in one way or another. I sometimes tend to think that I was a bad person in my past life to have so many traumatic events thrown upon me in my life. And no, I am not whining or complaining because I cannot get over my past. I just wonder why? Why do others get off so easily, can rely on their parent or guardians, and others like me cannot seek help from anyone who really gives a damn. I mean, I talk to my therapist all the time, but who is she? She is just a person doing her job, I bet she is thinking " I can't wait until this crazy woman gets out of my office so I can lead my normal and perfect life." It sometimes seems as though everyone is out to get me. I have no immediate family, no real mother or father, grandmother or grandfather, sisters or brothers, who really give a damn about me and what I have been through my entire life. So, I doubt anyone can answer this question, but why do you think I, or others like me, have had to suffer through so much trauma when others lead happy and perky lives? Can sometone tell me?
8 people like this
14 responses
@tyuepsc (189)
• China
21 Apr 07
If nobody cherished in you, try to cherish yourself, be stronger, and more positive. Everybody has his own troubles, the more you think about it, the more bitter you will feel. Let it go, don't take things too serious, ease yourself, enjoy your life, to love and to be loved, you'll be a happy and charming girl. Wish you happy, my friends!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Apr 07
Not to preach, but everyone has Hell in their lives. Some moreso than others. I just lost my brother eight months ago, and I know I am on the verge of losing more. I just make the most of the time I have left with others. I know that my time is short as well. Just live.
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
21 Apr 07
Oh dear, first of all it is very sad with what has happened to you in the past but I think a new frame of mind might be the answer for you...our brain is so complex that I don't think even the experts have a clue about it, I think maybe they are even a little closed minded about it, I was at a friends place a couple of weeks ago and she received a DVD she ordered, it has apparantly been talked about on The Oprah Show a lot it is called "The Secret", now I only had time to watch the first half but the gist of it was that our brain is like a magnet, if you give out negatives you will attract negatives and if you give out positives you will attract positives. So it say you must not think about the things you can't do or the things you don't want but only think about what you can do and want...I guess it is a bit like the saying I have always gone by " don't put out into the universe anything you don't want to happen" it does work if you think of the positves and think of yourself as a worthy person and maybe you will attract the same...I hope everything works out for you because every single person deserves to be happy because we are all beautiful...Good Luck my friend...stay positive.
@Impervious (1154)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Hi Jennifer, Interesting theory on reincarnation. While I do not share that belief I understand your situation far better than you can imagine. Earlier I created a post as an appology for not keeping pace in mylot lately and the reason for that is I was going through something very simular. Now being more direct to your problem at hand my wife often asks me the same question, as we both had pretty bad relationships before eachother. And all that I can tell her is that we needed to have the experiences that we did so that we would and could appreciate eachother the way that we do. I know that, this is not of much comfort but I hope that it helps in some way. Good luck, Paul
• United States
21 Apr 07
I think what you are trying to say is that we acheive something from suffering from these hardships, more gratitude in life and relationships. This is a very good theory. It kind of goes along with the theory of having a soul mate, where two believe they were destined to be with one another. For instance, my husband believes he was meant to be my soul mate because he is such a strong willed person who can really help me through my problems. He was meant to be with me to help me overcome and defeat my problems. I really like your theory. Thank you for the imput.
• Philippines
21 Apr 07
I would like to quote one french Philosopher named Pierre Teilhard de' Chardin and he said, "Man can only find happiness in himself not in outside circumstances he cannot control." If you choose to live the events of your past over and over again...then you would really end up lonely and miserable...forever trap into the nightmare of your past. But there is another way. You can opt to be happy by focusing on the things you do best and which you enjoy. You might say to me that it is easier said than done...but Jen, it's really YOUR choice how and what you are going to feel. The ultimate person who can help you is no other than yourself. Start by forgiving the people who have abused you and then move on...There is always light at the end of every dark tunnel my friend. Try turning to God because when all else fails and everyone seems to have deserted you God is always just one prayer away... Should you need a friend, I can be a friend.
• United States
21 Apr 07
But isn't is just so hard to forgive those who have damaged your life so much?
@pendragon (3352)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Ours is not to wonder why, but to endure and gather strength and not waste lessons, be proud of all the burden the source of all has entrusted you with, for your back will obviously not bow.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
21 Apr 07
I also was abused as a child, not by my parents but by my brother and it went on for years and years. After that I moved on to a man who I stayed with for 4 years - abused there as well. You kind of think u deserve it after a while.. Today I amn with a great guy though and i am finally seeing life in a positive way, so hang in there - u will also see the sun...
• Malaysia
21 Apr 07
jennifer isn't it? okay.. i understand your condition.. i have a cousin that thinks the same .. let me talk from her point of view.. when she was small, her parents used to abuse her too.. because her father is a typical chinese.. which believes that the first child has to be a boy.. and.. you can guess the rest.. she suffered alot too.. and then she contracted dengue.. you know.. from the mosquitos.. she had blood transfusion.. and she got contracted leukimia.. this sounds like a fake story isn't it? but trust me.. it's true.. she got cured later on.. ..but then.. now she's smoking w*ed, drinking, clubbing, and her attitude.. nobody likes her.. all hate her.. because she's becoming like a lowfers.. she thinks that nobody care about her.. actually.. we do.. i do care bout her.. i do care for my friends.. but.. will you come to me with you're sad? that's the main question.. you might think i'm trying to get your attention.. but.. try it.. and you'll see.. many people around you do care for you.. we're here.. or.. atleast.. i'm here to talk about your problems:)
@Drakhan (241)
• United States
21 Apr 07
I don't think anyone can ever really understand or explain someone else's life. However, the traditional teachings of the order I belong to doesn't see suffering as punishment for a former life. Instead, it's thought of as a learning experience. We're put here to learn something. An incarnation which contains a tremendous amount of suffering could be focused on a number of things. Perhaps it's testing you or teaching you how strong and self-reliant you truly are by showing you how much you survive. Perhaps, it's helping you to develop a sense of empathy for the suffering of others. It could simply be making sure you have the experience and knowledge to be able to help someone else who is going through a similar lesson. I would suggest that perhaps your suffering isn't a punishment for anything you've done. You don't deserve to suffer, but you can learn from it. It's cliched, but Nietzsche really was right when he said "What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger."
@tamanna6 (26)
21 Apr 07
oh dear ..u have beeen through real difficult times ...but hats off to you ...and first suggestion ...never lose your sonfidence in ...life its always got something best for you ...see you asked why are u being ...through all these ...my dear probably its your fate ...might be god has got somrthing great ...for you in the future and wants to make u ...feel strong ...might be you are stronger than all of us ..and dear each person has some worries no one is free from them ...dont worry trust in god ...except all the difficulties happily ....and face them ...boldly dont worry take care god bless ...
• United States
21 Apr 07
I think that when you've been through a lot of hardships, it's harder to trust other people, and we tend to push them away from us. I went through this for years, and also believing in karma, for years I thought that a lot of the traumas I had suffered had been retribution for the horrible person I was in another life. Maybe it was, but how I choose to react to it will determine how I fare in the rest of this life, and the next. It is hard to trust others because trusting the self has brought you a lot of pain, but you can decide right now, today, to heal and take steps toward a happier life. I know that's not what you want to hear, no one ever wants to hear that, but it's true. You have to suffer through so much trauma because you expect it. You see it around every corner, so it waits for you there. Maybe if you change your focus and start expecting to find good things and good opportunities, that is what will be waiting for you. Namaste.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
21 Apr 07
ohhhh my dear friend, how i feel for you. Please, lets get one thing stright, Abuse, whatever its form, is never, repeat, NEVER the fault of the person being abused, it is only ever the fault of those doing the abusing. Why do others do it? well there are many theories. One of the most popular is that people who abuse are victims of earlier abuse. I find this both patronising and insulting. Rather, i think the abuser has a personality defect whereby they can only feel good about themselves by making others feel bad. Im sure they can be helped but the damage has to be carefully unpicked blessed be
• United States
21 Apr 07
Jennifer, I am really sorry that your life has been so lousy. But, I believe that we all have the power to change the way our lives are. I think with a positive attitude and knowing when you are in a wrong relationship and get out of that bad relationship might help you. If you have negative thoughts sometimes that transpires into your life and your life choices. I don't know much about it, but I know my neice was in abusive relationship after abusive relationship and even her mother didn't seem to care, I told her to take control of her life and keep the situations of a bad relationship out of the picture. To have a better outlook on life and to rebuild her self esteem. She was also seeing a therapist and the therapist told her to break away from the people she knew and try to find better people to hang out with and to try to find better partners to be with. She did and now she has been married to a wonderful guy for 5 years. Sometimes you have to help yourself when no one else is there to help you or that can help you. Good luck!
• China
21 Apr 07
I think you will find out the way.