The Pet Diaries
April 26, 2007 1:43pm CST
DOG DIARY 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! CAT DIARY Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Ba$tards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and Seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... I got this in an e-mail today and thought it was the funniest thing...lol I can just imagine our cat writing this stuff...she is quite a character our poochie...lol What do you think your pets would have to say?
26 Apr 07
hahaha, oh man that's killer funny, and while i read it i have my little siamese at my feet meowing and trying to jump on me, but with the way i have my legs he's having some trouble.. I can't imagine my kitties saying that either, mostly because they get to go out all the time, come back in whenever they want, and all the pets get a little of the table scraps. Their way too spoiled haha. Though, i have one kitty, i think maybe she would write that, she's in heat right now, hissing and growling at every other animal in the house, and half the people. i just don't understand her issues!!! Thanks for a killer funny joke!
• Etowah, Tennessee
27 Apr 07
LOL I can see my female saying all of that. Both of them sleep under my bird. I think they are waiting on him to fall out of his cage. I have also seen the looks I get when she goes to her bowl, like great this AGAIN!? OMG and the boy cat would live under my feet if I would let him. One think I might add is the endless attempt to sleep on my face at night. I think he is really trying to smother me in my sleep.