When I am a parent I will never do that!

@winterose (39921)
Canada
April 28, 2007 12:07pm CST
In my last discussion I asked you to talk about the good things you learned about parenting from your parents and you passed down to your children. But as life would have it, as children we didn't always agree with our parents, and many teenagers in north america will say, well when I am a parent I am not going to do that to my children like my parents did to me. My grandmother was a good woman but she did everything for me. She made me into a person who did not even wash my own hair until I was 16 years old. I didn't know how to cook and learned on the job so to speak after I got married. I said that I would never make my children so dependent on me that they could not do anything for themselves, and I tried very hard to make my son independent because of it. What did you want to do differently from your parents to give you children a better life?
2 people like this
9 responses
• United States
29 Apr 07
I do alot diffrent than my parents. When I was growing up I had to go to school, go to practice, come home and do homework. Then I had chores to do like laundry and dishes. Everyday! I wasnt aloud to have friends over to stay the night or even just an hour. I wasnt aloud to watch tv. It was my dads and we had to watch what he watched. I wasnt aloud to do much of anything. Plus my mother was constantly yelling at me and accusing me of things I didnt do. Also I am 24 and in that amount of time I lived in 3 states, 12 houses, and 7 schools. I didnt ever establish frinds anywhere. Now that im a parent I will NEVER do that to my children I want them to live in a stable environment. I wont move them all over the country for no reason. I want them to have as many friends as possible and have great life experiances. I do want them to do good in school and play sports if they like. Whatever they choose I will support. Unlike my mother. I try to control my temper and not yell at my kids. I just want them to be happy, healthy, and full of life. I feel I was jiped as a child. Yes I want my kids to have responcibility and chores. But not feel overwhelmed! I didnt do alot of things normal children did. I wasnt aloud. I had to grow up to quick. I want my kids to experiance life as much as possible and see the wonder and amazment the world has to offer.
3 people like this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
29 Apr 07
I never treated my daughter the way my mother treated me that's for sure. She was allowed to use the stove when she was old enough to, in fact I told her she had to learn to cook before ever thinking of moving out and she did. I gave her cooking advice/tips/recipes if she asked me, my mother never did. I never made fun of her the way I was treated and the big one. My daughter has never lived one day without me telling her at least once and most times more often "I Love You" I can not ever remember my mother ever telling me "I Love You" not even once. I think that's very sad. My daughter is now 34 years old and as long as I'm breathing and able to speak or able to convey the message she will always not only know I love her dearly but she will be told. I had a terrible childhood but it made me a better mother and I learnt a lot. I'm happy to say my daughter has two children and they both have a terrific Mom and Dad. My grandkids are well taken care of.
@raydene (9875)
• United States
28 Apr 07
I wanted to do all the things my parents did and add to it my own ways.I was taught to stand on my own feet..my kids do also..I was taught to cook,clean,sew,wash my clothes..all my kids can do so....I was taught to be a free spirit and not always follow the other sheep..I have a bunch of independant kids..I was taught that nothing is free that is any good and I've passed that on to my kids..I was taught to be accountable and of my 7 I have one that fails at this at times.. My parents did the best for me and my siblings as they could at that time but now is a new time so we can do better for our kids..
@mememama (3077)
• United States
28 Apr 07
My mother was awesome, a little nutty and weird but I think that's great. I wish my father was more involved, he always wanted sons but got two daughters so he was really withdrawn from us. I do admit that I want a daughter, but I'm still going to play and be involved with my son as much as he wants.
3 people like this
@tater03 (1765)
• United States
28 Apr 07
Basically I would have to say to teach them responsibility. When I grew up my parents never gave me chores to do so when I moved out on my own things like dishes, cooking and just the general responsibility of running your own place came hard to me. I was so used to this all being done for me that it was a shock to now have to do them on my own. Happy to say that I figured it all out in the end though.
3 people like this
• United States
29 Apr 07
My mom would tell my sister or I to do something and if we asked why because we didn't understand she would scream "because I said so!!" My sister and I always thought she was just a mean control freak. Now with my children if they ask why I tell them. It makes life so much easier. The other day my 4 year old wanted to run up to a dog she didn't know and pet it. When I told her no she wanted to know why. So I told her "honey if you don't know a dog you can't just walk up and start petting it. If that dog isn't use to you it might bite you." Simple explanation and her response was " OH! I don't want a dog to bite me. I shouldn't pet dogs I don't know." No I don't wish for my kids to question everything I tell them and they don't. But in the same breath, if they know that there is a reason for it they are far more likely to listen to you.
2 people like this
@kayrod2 (1304)
• Australia
29 Apr 07
I had quite a good upbringing. My parents worked hard to provide a good, stable home for us. They had there own businesses and we had to work in them. It taught us to work for what we got. I think sometimes we did too much, but they were trying their best with us. We had chores at home that we had to do, and we did guides/scouts, music, sport. There are things i do different with my kids, and i probably do a bit much for them. But they have jobs to do, i teach them to cook, some do sport and some music. They learn to appreciate things in life. And mainly i show them love. They are told they are loved every day, even if they have been mucking up that day. They never go to bed without a kiss. Even my teenager. I hope i have passed on very possitive things to them, and they have a good adulthood.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Apr 07
I will accept my childeren as long as they learn the value of hard work and respect. They can be gay, straight, comunist, liberal, conservative, and enjoy the company of any race they choose. So long as they understand if that want that car they must earn it. Or if that old lady drops her bag, they had better pick it up. Also, I will let them be as independant as they want. So long as they keep me informed of thier comings and goings, they can do as they wish and I will be there for support should they fall. Not a wall to protect them.
2 people like this
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
29 Apr 07
We grew up poor, so I've always wanted a better life for my daughter. Unfortunately, with my husband passing away when she was just two, along with other circumstances, I haven't quite achieved my goal yet, but am working on it. Another thing, my mom 'did most of the talking' for her kids, and so we grew up very shy, and it definitely hindered me in my earlier years. I've taught my daughter to be independent, and she's already doing a lot of things on her own, at almost sixteen, that I only 'dreamed' of accomplishing at that age.