stepparenting
By kelandy
@kelandy (114)
United States
April 28, 2007 2:34pm CST
This is a discussion based on step parenting. If there is anyone out there who meets the same frustrations as I do and also has dealt with a spouse's child for a number of years, I'd like your input. I kind of feel that I can blow off a little steam this way by starting this discussion on myLot. I have two stepchildren but am living with one teenage step daughter and a son of my own that I share with her father. Since this girl has been 10 years old, off and on for 6 years, I have dealt with so much, felt unappreciated, taken advantage of including a myriad of alot of other things that just makes me unhappy. Her mother is not involved in her life and lives about 2000 miles away. I feel like I have taken the brunt of all of this unfairly. I have been told by my husband that I knew what I was walking into when I got involved with him. Now that I do understand to a degree, but come on. I mean license to treat me in an unfair manner on a regular basis. This girl has a host of all kinds of other problems also. I would just like some feedback and I am hoping that I am not alone in this. To tell you the truth, half the time I just want to walk away.
2 people like this
1 response
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
29 Apr 07
Kelandy, I think that you are feeling a frustration that we, as parents have all experienced.....although at the same time; it does not appear that your husband is very supportive of you in this aspect.....knowing what you walked into and living it every day with that attitude does not appear to me to be productive....
Since her mother is not part of the picture....I am sure that she has alot of issues.....and alot of blame that she needs to find a "patsy" for.....do not let that be "YOU"!
My husband and I got married when our children were small...2 of mine, and 1 of his....now one of ours 22 years later.......We do not do "steps" in our house...many years ago the kids made the decision to call each of us "mom" and "dad" the other parent did not allow this to ever change...they were told that once it began it continued...and we always supported each other...Now our children, while aware of the truth; at least by nauture; believe that they have great parents.....
I think it takes a "unity" that you and your husband either do not share or I completely misunderstood what you wrote...either way...why should she be respectful, obedient, or share open communication with you .... if her "mom" is not around and her dad does not seem to have an opinion about the issue...
This is an especially difficult situation because without the proper support from her father .....I just do not see any way for your situation to get any better....I wish you luck...I would sit down and have a long talk with your husband....see where that goes...maybe he really does not understand how you are feeling...maybe he does not care....maybe he does not know what to do either....BUT for things to ever get better....I think that ya'll have to have a "united front"....
@kelandy (114)
• United States
30 Apr 07
Thank you tinamwhite for your honest opinion and input. Part of your response stated that you might not have understood what I wrote. The fact here is that there are many factors involved in this situation that have brought me constant frustration that I haven't even mentioned. Every stepfamily probably goes through different issues and the adjustment is different for everyone, however I feel like my situation deals with such bitterness on my part because part of your input suggested that I do no become the "patsy". And that is pretty much what has gone on intermittently over the last 6 years. I have issues that happened some years ago where these stepchildren were involved and it hurts to this day. I am not sure if my husband will ever understand it thoroughly. It is one of those things I guess that some people will never get unless they walk a mile in your shoes. You know, I was adult enough to know what I was walking into, but after a while I thought it was me with the problem, until other people started seeing what I was going through and felt terrible bad and sorry for me. If you wish to comment back, that would be fine.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
30 Apr 07
Kelandy, I can not imagine what it must be like if your husband will not attempt to get involved with this....you are his wife and they are his children...I do not understand his indifference to the manner in which ya'll interact. I, too, know that there can be pain involved when you are trying to "mesh" a family together...but it can never truly become a united family if your husband is not willing to support and attemtp to understand where you are coming from...
Does he support the children in this? Or just blindly hide from the whole situation???
I do not think that my situation would have worked out if my husband and I had not talked in length about things that arose throughout the raising of our older children and we still do this today because now we have a 4 yr. old son.
I would feel like I was fighting a "losing battle" if I had not had him to lean on at times.....I wish you the best in trying to work through this, my friend.
1 person likes this
@kelandy (114)
• United States
30 Apr 07
Thanks for commenting back. You truly have a compassionate side to you. I just wanted to make clear that I really didn't mean to paint a bad picture of my husband. We have been through alot together. I don't know if I mentioned that my husband and I also share a little 3 year old boy between us. He is a good father to him and I think he does try to look at the struggles I have, but I just feel that hands down his daughter will come before me and he isn't really going to know how hurt I feel sometimes.
1 person likes this
