April 29, 2007 2:57pm CST
How do I discipline my teen without pushing her away?
• United States
1 May 07
I have a 14 year old son and I think I understand your dillema. It is not like when they were little and you could punish them and they would accept it and still love you. On the one hand you want to give consequences because they need to be able to follow rules. On the other hand you want to let them make their mistakes and go from there because now is the time they are learning how it will be in the real world while still surrounded by your love and comfort. With my son I will tell him what the consequences of certain behaviors are but I always make sure to still treat him with respect and kindness. I make sure the conesquence is all about the behavior and not him and I'm really really clear on what I expect from him. I also try to reward the good stuff even if he's done something wrong, like grades, if he gets below a C on his report card he has a consequence but I also will reward for any A's on that report card. We also spend time together and I always listen when he wants to talk. When I do give a punishment out I make sure not to be yelling or acting angry, it helps him to be more understanding. I don't think it's good to be a "friend" to your teenager, they need someone who can guide them and show them the way and give them consequences. Friends can't do that for them. You can still shower them with love and be there for them but you have to be the one who teaches them how to be an adult. It is going to be hard but you will make it through and eventually she will see that you meant well and loved her all the way. Good luck!
30 Apr 07
First, treat your teen as her/his friend. In this case, your teens wont afraid to ask you advices and different views in life. When this happen, you can talk to them as a parent and as their best friend. Be open-minded since teens nowadays are merely different from what we are during our days. Learn to have more patience. Let them know the pro's and the cons on things that they want to do. BUT let them decide on their own. The parents will just guide them on whatever decisions in life that they may take. Remember that we have once a teenager before and we dont like to be somebody that we dont like.
• United States
29 Apr 07
Touchy subject... I am not a teen now and I do not have a teen... I have a suggestion though. Be the good parent that you know you are. Do not fight with or scream and harp at. Give advice. Realize that soon your teen will be out on their own and have to make decisions so if you let them start now its a good advance out.. Be the parent first and friend second. Let them make mistakes.. AS long as its not something that will kill or harm them or someone else they will learn from their mistakes (a speeding ticket etc is something they learn from esp if they have to pay for it themselves this is prob a bad example but I think it makes sense).... I think that my parents could have been less judgmental, more supportive and just had they done that and been more supportive I think it would have been nice. I am sure its not easy having a teen.. I think that another key point is communication with your kids regardless of age. I also think that sometimes no matter what you do that teens will rebel and thats just part of their nature. Hang in there..
29 Apr 07
Don't argue with him/her but show him who still is in charge. If he was not polite, begin to show that you didn't like it by speaking with him with a bad mood expression. If he wants to chage TV channel, say you want to see another one, if he complains about you you say that you also have complaints and that life for him will not be easy if he persists in not changing. You have to stay strong in front of him and make him feel that he still needs you for money, clothes, food,....