Children and Secrets...

United States
May 3, 2007 10:18pm CST
Hiya everyone..how ya doing? My friend and i were talking aboutthis tonight and i thought this would be a great thread here on my trusty Mylot..lol..ok.,soo..in school..or holidays from the time our children are in headstart, they are told its ok to keep secrets from there parents,,.now before ya all go ape crap on me..let me explain lol..I know that They do special things in school for us for Holidays..and i think its wonderful..but has anyone ever thought that them thinking that its ok not to tell some secrets,,that its ok to tell others that they should? Like i know my son hates his teacher this year and thats not like him.she is down right mean to him..and i only learn this from h is friend that tells me every day when she comes to play..and he yells and says its a secret..which bugs me..so what else could he not be tellign me? maybe nothing at all..but have you ever thought about what we were thinking? or are we just being stupid? lol..
1 person likes this
2 responses
• United States
4 May 07
I really dont know! Might just be kid stuff. I wouldnt worry to much about it. Hes not old enought to really have a secret that would be bad. Im sure its nothing.
• United States
4 May 07
thats true..but at the same time maybe not,,my niece was molested when she was Skylars age and she didnt tell for 2 weeks..untill she broke down after having nightmares all the time..now im not saying that he ever was hurt at all..but it can happen anytime really..thanks for your response!
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
4 May 07
"Secrets" are never a good thing for a child to keep from his or her parent(s), no matter how big or little the secret is. Keeping secrets is a gateway experience to potentially out of control situations. A parent needs to know what's going on in a child's life at school, home, church or temple, really right in your own front yard and beyond. If a young child keeps secrets now, there will be worse secrets with compounded potential consequences while he grows up. Really. Think about it. The Columbine kids' parents -- the murderers' parents -- say they didn't have a clue. That's one extreem and just one example of where "secrets" between children and parents can go. Another example of secrets that shouldn't be -- are the teens who give birth in bathrooms and dump their babies in dumpsters or rock quarries. Those "secrets" shouldn't happen either. I'm 53 and today's world is different from when I grew up.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
4 May 07
Secrets are bad. A child being encouraged to keep secrets by his teacher is a bad thing, and you're right to think twice about it, mama! Now this school thing, when kids make presents, thats supposed to be a "surprise" and surprises are kept hush-hush, and that's different. Your child should always be able to come to you and tell you anything and everything. When you start young with this "no secrets" policy with your kids, by the time they're old enough to be told by another adult (or an older kid) to keep a "secret", they'll come straight to you and tell you! My midwife told me to keep my child close to me by training him to come to me and responding to his needs right away. She told me to encourage my child to come to me and speak his mind as he grew, instead of me anticipating and guessing and coming to him. This way, she said, my son will always come to me, even if he strays away, he'll know he can talk to me always about all things. And she was right. My children are now 30, 26, and 21, and they still "come to me!" Children should not be encouraged to keep secrets by any adult, especially not by a teacher or other authority figure. How old is your son? It could be that he's at that age where his "privacy" is important to him, but secrets should be a red-flag. Follow your intuition. If you think somethings rotten, then it stinks.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
i totally understand what your saying.,.and i agree,,it hasnt happend yet.,hes almost 5..my friend and i were disgussing how secrets start in school..like from holidays and not telling us what they made..which is totaly fine,,we were just stating..that they learn so young that its ok to keep secrets,,and that they might take it further..its just a what if situation..i wil always be there foir my son and i always make sure he knows he can tell me anything,,and in the future when hes older..that i wont judge,,so i hope he does always come,,but some kids..what if they take it differently..and know a secret is something u just cant tell good....or bad..know what i mean?