Cat Commandments
By Katlady2
@Katlady2 (9904)
United States
May 6, 2007 1:58am CST
If my cats were to live by these, my life would be ever so much more peaceful.....and a little less painful too. LOL
Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard
when thy human is using the computer.
Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor
as thou are not transparent.
Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party
and commence licking thy butt.
Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors.
Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap.
Thou shalt not climb on garbage cans with hinged lids,
as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.
Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
Thou shalt not jump onto a seat just as thy human is sitting down.
Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison
from which to escape at any opportunity.
Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door
when there are guests in thy house.
Thou shalt remember that thou art a carnivore
and that houseplants are not meat.
Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.
3 people like this
5 responses
@brendalee (6082)
• United States
6 May 07
My life would be easier too if my cats lived by those commandments. I think the only thing they don't do it try to escape. Sorry to bring it up again, but the day my front door was blown open for about a half hour and my dogs got out, not a single cat went out. But I used to have a cat that would come out of nowhere when the door opened but not the stupid ones I have now. And mine don't jump on my lap from across the room, they wait until I am doing the dishes and then they jump on my back or climb up my pant leg and thats bad if I am wearing shorts.lol.
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
6 May 07
LOL! I don't think the ones you have now are stupid....they know they have it good and don't want to go outside and give up their cushy lives in the house. My cats, especially my calico LittleBit, love to come into the bedroom in the morning while I'm sound asleep and pull a Garfield on me.....get up on the top of the mirrored head board and take a flying leap and land in the middle of my stomach! Talk about a rude awakening! LOL
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
3 Jun 07
OMG--I don't know how I managed to miss this one of yours--here are the ones I can relate to:
1). Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard
when thy human is using the computer.
Do you know how many unfinished e-mails get accidently sent this way??
2).Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
Shh...don't give my kitties any ideas
3).Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
Any idea how long it takes me to re-roll the paper back??
4).Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor
as thou are not transparent.
I tell mine to move all the time...they just don't listen
5).Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party
and commence licking thy butt.
Well thank goodness has never happened, but one of the cats will use the litter pan at the wrong time --wouldn't be so bad if it were Number 1, ah, but to make a nice smelly poo is Very inappropriate with guests around
6).Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
Not nice...but hey their butts are probably cleaner than ours--LOL
7).Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap.
Oooouuuccchhh!
8).Thou shalt not jump onto a seat just as thy human is sitting down.
Oh yeah...then one of my cats gives ME a nasty look for sitting on them
9).Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
I can honestly I haven't broken my leg by falling over them....ah...yet
10).Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.
Remorse?? I don't think they know what that means
As you can see I relate just a little too much to the Cat Commandments
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
5 Jun 07
OMG! You have made me laugh so hard that I'm crying! I love those. In response to the thing with unrolling the toilet paper, when Nemo gets a hold of a roll, he has chewed up so much of it that there's nothing left to roll up. And as for the the jumping for great heights, Miss Angel topped that one...she jumped onto my head from the top of my mirrored headboard. Thankfully, even though she is full grown, she is only the size of a large kitten and just as light. Otherwise, I think I would have gotten a big big dent in my head! LOL Thanks for the laugh hon. I needed it badly.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
5 Jun 07
Hehehe--glad I made you laugh...and yes..what is it about toilet paper that they love to "eat" it?...is this supposed to be a hint of how we neglect and starve our poor babies that they have to resort to eating toilet paper?? LOL
@bambibabe6983 (26)
• Canada
7 May 07
LOL these are sooo great!! U should copyright them! lol Speaking of which..would you mind if I copied these to make a poster for my living room? I love them soo much!!! Hmm i wonder if my cats could read hem!? lol
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
7 May 07
I only wish I could take credit for these. I found them on a very cute website. Here's the link (it will take you to the page with all of the cat stuff)
http://www.my-tgif.com/index_fun.htm
On the actual site, there are adorable graphics that go along with the words. I think they would make adorable posters. Enjoy hon, and thanks for the wonderful response.
@sodapop (977)
• United States
7 May 07
I love this!
I would also like to add:
thou shalt not lay on the remote and change the channel during the most important part of a movie!
thou shalt not lay on the phone and turn it on without us knowing it, and we miss 6 calls!
thou shalt not use my fingernails to clean her ears out with.
and the most important one..
thou shalt not headbutt me at 3:30 in the morning to play with her!
